


Brothers In Arms 2: Storms of Fall

by LondonFan



Series: Brothers In Arms [2]
Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Richlee - Fandom, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Agent AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:52:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 63,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonFan/pseuds/LondonFan
Summary: It's been two years since Richard Armitage and Lee Pace have last been confronted with the terror organisation Black Fall. Now the cell is back and Lee and Richard meet them in London for a final battle. As fall is changing the way the world looks, both of them change as well in in soul and heart - and not necessarily for the better. A storm is brewing; a storm which will not only turn their lives around, but will also make them question reality and the true colours of the other. [Richard Armitage x Lee Pace. Part 2 in the Brothers In Arms series. Agent AU]





	1. London Calling

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Lee and Richard have been gone for two years, and so have we... Oops. It's a miracle we finally managed to finish this story (weekly updates each Saturday again!), and we've already started on part 3 as well. (Fingers crossed we get that one done in time.) Reading the first part would be advised to understand everything that has happened and why the characters act the way they do, but there will be a short summary of part 1 in later chapters.   
> But I'm blabbing too much again so - just enjoy reading!!! ♥

 

** **

 

**London Calling**

 

It's a quiet day in Rossland, a small place in Southern Canada. It's October, and even though the snow can already be seen on some of the mountain tops, the sun is spreading warmth everywhere. A crystal blue lake, tree-lined by pines and firs, sets the scenery for a little wooden house, fitting peacefully into its surroundings.

A cardinal sits down on the sill of an opened window, looking out for its next prey from there. A loud bang, however, makes the bird flutter away indignantly. Someone inside the hut had opened a door fiercely, slamming it against the wall.

“How on _earth_ do you think you can tell me what to do?” Lee Pace yells into his cupboard, rummaging around for his big travelling bag. The man he is yelling at leans against the door frame of the bedroom, a pained expression on his face, watching his lover's actions with increasing worry and desperation.

“I don't want to dictate you _anything_ , I just think it a bad idea if you were to accompany me to London,” Richard Armitage tries again to reason with Lee. “It could be dangerous and...”

“Dangerous?” Lee interrupts him. “What the hell can be dangerous about you simply _consulting_ the MI6?” he asks annoyed, cramming some trousers into his bag with an angry, forceful movement. “It's not like you're going to go on a mission, now, are you? And I'm definitely _not_ going to waste away alone while you're having fun in the big city. I am going with you, end of discussion!”

Richard struggles to keep calm. He grabs his own half-filled bag and throws it onto the ground furiously. It lands a few feet to his left, out of Lee's range. “But you _heard_! Graham was talking about the possibility that Black Fall's returned, and I cannot and _will_ not allow that you get involved with this stuff again! It's too dangerous. If Black Fall really is back, they will expect me to go to London, and they might want to catch you, too.”

Lee scoffs. “Please,” he says. “I've been with you through worse things. I've _defeated_ them at your side. I _will_ come with you, simply because I want to be with you.”

“But you'll never survive this!” Richard objects loudly.

“What did you say?” Lee hisses.

Richard knows that he has hit a tender spot. It had been almost two years now after he and Lee had been able to flee from the hideout of a terrorist sadist called El-Sayed. The physical and mental torture they had to go through during that time had left its scars – especially with Lee. He still wakes up at night, sweat-soaked, due to nightmares tormenting him. And even the comfort and love that Richard gives him from the bottom of his heart aren't able to chase them away. Richard would do everything to free the love of his life from his agony – and that's exactly why Lee absolutely _mustn't_ go with him to the MI6's head quarters in London to help finishing off El-Sayed and his terror cell for good. It would upset and hurt him too much, and it would tear open the old wounds in his soul.

Lee looks at him angrily, but Richard is also able to spy hurt and disappointment in his green eyes. He almost wants to apologise, but manages to stay steadfast.

“You understood me full well, Lee,” he says. “Besides, you still have to go to therapy every third day. You would have to skip a few appointments.”

The two tall men stare at each other for a moment. Neither is willing to give in first.

Then, finally, Lee turns away and closes his eyes. He inhales deeply, letting his shoulders slump in a sad way.

“I know you mean well, Rich. And I understand your worries,” he says quietly. Then he opens his eyes again, slowly walking towards Richard who gently wraps his arms around Lee. “But it would be worse to be separated from you for a longer period of time than the memories of that time in Afghanistan,” he mumbles, burying his face in the crook of Richard's neck. _“That's_ what I really wouldn't survive. And _,_ for the record – you are the best therapy I can have. I'm serious.”

Richard hugs him tighter, knowing he wouldn't be able to change Lee's mind. He knows his stubbornness just all too well. So he simply runs a hand over Lee's back lightly, and they keep standing like this for a while, enjoying the other's closeness.

Richard is the first to loosen the embrace, taking Lee's face into his hands and wiping a tear off his cheek with his thumb. He kisses him on the mouth softly. “I just want to protect you,” he whispers, trying to convince Lee for the last time to stay at home.

“But how do you want to protect me when I'm here in Canada – and you in London, far away?” Lee answers with a silent smile.

Richard's arguments start crumbling. He knows that he simply cannot live without Lee, just like Lee can't live without him. So he simply kisses Lee passionately, putting all his love and affection into this kiss.

When they part, Richard sighs. “I really won't be able to convince you to stay, right?”

“Nu-uh,” Lee says, shaking his head. “You will never get rid of me.” He softly kisses Richard's chin. “Never ever.”

“Well. I'm certainly not complaining about that.” And with a grin, he captures Lee's lips in a soft kiss again, allowing himself to forget the impending danger for a little while.

~*~

 

The next morning, Richard and Lee get up early – Lee is most certainly averse to that and starts complaining when Richards mercilessly opens the blinds.

“You could stay at home,” Richard says with a shrug, “you don't have to come along!”

But Lee definitely won't have any of that and jumps out of bed quickly. “I told you, you're not gonna get rid of me!” And with that, he rushes into the bathroom to get ready.

“Fine,” Richard calls after him, still a little concerned. “But you've _got_ to promise me you'll take your medication. And write in your therapy diary.”

“Yadda yadda yadda,” Lee yells back, voice muffled from the running water in the shower.

“You _have_ to promise me!” Richard insists. “Otherwise I'll not let you come with me!”

“Alright,” Lee replies, still yelling. “I promise. I swear. You happy now?”

Richard tilts his head, contemplating whether to smack Lee's bottom playfully to teach him a lesson in respect or not, and then joins him under the shower with a smirk on his face.

~*~

They land in Heathrow after almost ten endless hours of not enough leg space, terrible tomato juice (“It's _tradition_ , Richard, don't be such a spoilsport!”), boring films and some sweet, sweet kisses and sleeping with their heads on each other's shoulders.

When they step outside the airport building, Richard takes a moment, closes his eyes and simply breathes in deeply. The certain feeling of _London_ fills his lungs and runs through his veins, and even though they are still quite a bit away from the actual city center, he feels that familiar London buzz in his body, and he itches to go and visit all his favourite places again. With Lee. He has missed this special London scent and all the noise and the certain feeling to this wonderful city. It's a complete opposite to their quiet hut in Canada, and he loves it.

Lee quietly steps next to him and locks arms with him, placing his chin on Richard's shoulder, softly pecking him on the jaw. “You're home.”

Richard's eyes blink open slowly and he turns his head a little so that his cheek touches Lee's nose. “As long as you're with me, everywhere is home.”

“You're terribly soppy, you know that?” Lee complains, but he is smiling and his cheeks are turning a lovely shade of pink as he presses his lips to Richard's shoulder.

“Yeah, but you love that,” Richard retorts and he turns to grab Lee's chin gently, and he kisses him before he nods towards a cab waiting close to the airport entrance. “Let's go find our apartment, shall we?”

Lee hums in agreement and yawns quietly, grabbing Richard's hand, and follows him.

~*~

The MI6 has provided one of their safe houses for the time being – Richard had insisted they get one, simply because he was concerned for Lee's well-being though he did not tell that to his boss. Graham had quickly agreed, and sent Richard the keys to a neat little apartment in the middle of London.

When they arrive, Richard makes sure to scan the surroundings for any intruder or any sign that there might be danger lurking in the dark. Lee doesn't even notice his special carefulness, too tired to take anything in.

“I'm so tired,” Lee complains in front of their flat, yawning loudly.

Richard tuts. “I told you that you didn't have to come with me.”

“I know, I know.” Another yawn. “But I wanted to. I'll survive, don't worry. And you've got to promise me that you'll show me around London tomorrow! Never having been here and all, you know.”

“Will do,” Richard agrees, turning the key in the door to their apartment. Lee rests his head on Richard's shoulder, closing his eyes.

When they enter their rooms, Lee mumbles something about jet lag, and he falls face first onto the bed, snoring softly after only a couple of seconds. Richard shakes his head with a smile, neatly places their suitcases into a corner of the room, undresses and then crawls under the covers as well, snuggling up close to Lee. He dozes off quickly as well, hugging Lee tightly to his chest.

~*~

In the middle of the night when Richard turns from his side to lie on his back, he drowsily drags his arm over the bed, searching for the warmth of Lee's body. But there is no-one, and the sheet is cool, and Richard blinks awake quickly, eyes hurrying to adjust to the darkness in the room.

Richard spies Lee standing at the window, head propped up on his hands, staring out into the night. Richard slides out of bed, sensing that something must be wrong, and silently pads over to Lee, wrapping his arms around his trembling waist.

Lee flinches, but when Richard presses a soft kiss to his freckled shoulder, he relaxes a little. “What are you doing out of bed?” Richard hums, placing his chin on Lee's shoulder.

“Couldn't sleep.”

“You're ice-cold,” Richard complains. “How long have you been standing here?”

Lee shrugs. “It was two when I got up.”

Richard glances at the alarm clock on their bed stand. “You've been out here for an _hour_. Let's get you back under the covers, love.”

Lee grumbles but lets himself be dragged towards their bed, and he doesn't complain when Richard wraps their large duvet around him before slipping under it as well.

Suddenly, Lee feels cold, and with a swift movement, he tugs his icy feet between Richard's warm calves, and Richard _yelps_ in shock. “My _God_ , go put on some socks!”

Lee simply grunts and scoots closer and Richard moves to embrace him. There is no chance of escaping Lee when he wants a cuddle. Besides, there are more important things at hand than freezing feet and legs.

“What's bothering you?” Richard asks with a kiss to Lee's brow. “Why are you up in the dead of the night?”

Lee sighs. “Bad dreams.”

“Same as last time?” Richard knows this sleepless, helpless Lee, his haunting nightmares of their time in Afghanistan, the fear and loneliness that overcomes him at times like this.

“Yeah. You and me, back in the torture chamber,” Lee replies, voice breaking a little. “I guess it's because we're in London. New environment and all that. Too much stress for my brain.”

“Mmh.” Richard wants to say that Lee should have stayed at home, should have kept going to see his therapist because post-traumatic stress disorder isn't something to take lightly. But he knows Lee would not appreciate this kind of lecture – and they are here now anyway, it's too late to change things. Flying back home would most likely only disturb Lee even more.. So Richard simply keeps his mouth shut, knowing that there is nothing he can do to take the burden off of Lee's shoulders.

“Will you sing for me again?” Lee pipes up softly from where he is snuggled tight against Richard's chest.

While it is true that Richard can't make his dreams go away, he can ease him back into sleep, if only for a little while. Back when the mental wounds were still fresh, in their first weeks in Canada, they had developed a little ritual every night. Richard would sing for Lee, a sweet lullaby, with his own lyrics and his own melody, and Lee would fall asleep a little easier than before.

So Richard pulls him even closer, runs his fingers through Lee's hair and rests his chin atop Lee's head. Softly, he begins to hum a melody, their own sweet tune, enveloping them wholly. He feels Lee relaxing against him slowly, and then begins to sing, his deep voice echoing through the otherwise quiet room, mixing with Lee's silent breaths and the occasional rustle of their sheets.

“ _When the moon is up and the stars are out, and night is falling so slowly_ ,” Richard sings in a hushed voice, his fingers trailing across Lee's head in time to the melody.

“ _When you're threatening to fall just like the night, then, love, just look at me._ ” The tune raises a little in the following part, and the lyrics get more emotional, and Lee instinctively snuggles closer, fingers digging into Richard's shoulder blades hard.

“ _I'll pull you back from the edge and into my arms and right there you can stay. And when you wake up tomorrow I'll be right beside you, holding you, keeping you safe_.” Lee's lashes flutter quickly against Richard's chest, he is dozing off.

The next words are a promise, Richard's voice threatens to crack, but he keeps singing his lullaby, for Lee's sake. “ _You'll make it through the night, with me by your side. Just trust me, and fall back to sleep_.”

Lee's breathing has evened out somewhat. Richard ends the song by repeating the last line slowly. _“Just trust me, and fall back to sleep_.” And with that, he presses a kiss to Lee's brow, tucks an errant curl of hair behind his ear and watches his partner sleep peacefully for a while before he, too, allows himself to fall asleep.

~*~

Richard kisses Lee awake the next morning, soft and sweet, and Lee shifts and turns underneath him until they are chest to chest, flush against the other.

“Morning,” Richard whispers affectionately with another kiss to Lee's mouth.

“Even your kisses taste of London,” Lee replies and closes his eyes blissfully.

“What?” Richard has to huff a confused laugh. “Are you babbling nonsense because you're still sleepy?”

“No.” Lee grins up at him. “I mean it. I can feel you're happy around here. You kiss differently. You like being back in London, right?”

“Rubbish,” Richard replies with a nervous giggle. If he had said “yes, I actually do like being back, it used to be my home for so many years after all”, he would have been scared to hurt Lee. Not for all in the world would he say anything that might make Lee think he didn't like their life in Canada, because he _did_.

“Rich, babe, I know you,” Lee says quietly. “I know when you're lying to me. Just... be honest with me. You know you can be!”

Richard sighs. “I like being back, you're right. But... but I do love Canada, too! Don't think for one second that I'd want to give that up!”

“Oh my God, love, don't be so afraid of saying the wrong things all the time!” Lee sits up in bed and wraps his arms around Richard. “It's fine you love being back in London, I know you do, but I also know that this was your home. It's perfectly _normal_ to be happy about being back!” He pecks his cheek. “I'm not mad, Rich, don't think that.” Lee grabs Richard's hands and entwines their fingers. “You think too much.”

“I know,” Richard says with another sigh. “Can't help it.”

“Ah well,” Lee grins and kisses his brow. “That's one reason why I love you, isn't it?”

Richard lights up visibly at Lee's kind words – even though he used to be a tough agent, stealthy and cold if need be, he sometimes needs a little reassurance from Lee. Richard often thinks he doesn't deserve him, and Lee just doesn't understand, and he does his best to chase Richard's doubts away.

Like in this very moment.

Lee pulls Richard close again, and Richard thankfully melts into the embrace, concentrating on feeling his lover's heart beat against his bare chest.

“The sun's out already,” Lee mumbles. “Looks like it's going to be an awesome day.”

“And the best thing is,” Richard whispers, nose buried in Lee's hair, “I haven't arranged to meet with Graham until tomorrow morning, so we'll have the whole day just for ourselves.”

“Mmmh,” Lee hums appreciatively. “That sounds lovely.” He scoots even closer to Richard and exhales deeply. “So, what did you have in mind for today, then?”

“Hm,” Richard muses, “I haven't really thought about it, to be honest. Just – doing what we fancy. Seizing the day, that sort of thing. Explore London a little, maybe.” He kisses the top of Lee's head, allowing himself to sink back against the pillows once more.

Lee smirks up at him cheekily. “You know, with what I have in mind, we'd probably never get to see the city.”

Richard grins back, a familiar warmth uncoiling in his tummy. “I wouldn't mind, though.”

“I know you wouldn't,” Lee says teasingly, pressing his hips closer to Richard's provokingly. “However,” he states, slapping the back of his hand against Richard's chest gently, “you promised to show me around today. A promise is a promise.”

Richard stares at him in fake astonishment. “You saying _no_ to a day in bed? I'd never thought I'd live to see that day.”

“Shut up,” Lee laughs, then falls silent and wriggles his eyebrows. “We've got all night, after all, haven't we?”

Richard throws his head back and starts laughing, then tickles Lee's sides so that he has to roll over in a protective sort of way. “Get up, you git,” Richard says affectionately and kisses him softly before he gets out of bed as well.

 


	2. Taking London By Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For now, Richard and Lee have arrived in London, not knowing about the impending danger that will come upon them soon. Yet while they flirt and explore the city, shadows of the past begin to reappear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! We've decided to start this story of slow and sweet, because we have thought of some rather cruel things in the following chapters - so do enjoy two darlings in love as long as you still can. :D

**Taking London By Storm**

“Wow.” Lee breathlessly looks around, taking in everything he can see, feel, and hear. “London's _beautiful_.”

“It is, isn't it?” Richard says with a rather proud smile. He has lived here for several years, and he has adored the city ever since. Its busy streets, its historical nooks and crannies, the sights, the people, the parks. Everything, really. He stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets and looks back at Lee. London is even more beautiful now that Lee is here, he decides. “So, where do you want to go first?”

Lee huffs a laugh. “That is a hard question, man. Everywhere.”

Richard grins back. “That might be difficult to accomplish in just one day.”

Lee tilts his head in agreement, then locks arms with Richard and starts walking. “Show me where you grew up.”

“Where I... where I grew up?” Richard repeats, astonished.

“Yes!” Lee smiles at him. “I've always wanted to see where little Rich was living. And now we've got the chance to. We can do sightseeing later.”

“Fine, then,” Richard chuckles and turns around, walking towards one of the quieter parts of town. It has been ages since he walked those streets, he realises. Even though he had spent most of his life in London, he rarely ever returned to his childhood home. Work had been keeping him busy, and his parents had moved to a small village close to the south coast. He had not seen any point in visiting the old house again, but he cannot deny that it is a nice feeling to be back.

“Feeling nostalgic yet?” Lee teases as Richard stops in front of a brown, rather small house with a _For Sale_ sign in the front garden.

“A little,” Richard says with a smile, taking in the sight of the beautiful Victorian house he has spent so many years of his life in.

“But why is it for sale?” Lee wants to know.

“My parents moved out,” Richard explains, “about two years ago or so. Shortly before our mission in Qalāt. They live in Canterbury now, they always wanted to lead a quiet life when retired.”

“Oh, I see.” Lee looks a little disappointed. “I have been dying to meet them.”

“You will,” Richard reassures him. “I promise.”

“Good.” Lee angles his head upwards and kisses Richard softly. “I'm sure they want to meet their son's boyfriend, too.” He sighs. “Just imagine if we moved into this house. Wouldn't that be great? Childhood memories flooding back, and you actually get to spend your life in your childhood home!”

“Now who's being soppy?” Richard teases, but he finds that he has to agree with Lee. Just the thought of him and Lee living here, together, is enough to make him giddy. He makes a silent decision to call the estate agent later that day. “Let's keep going. There's so much I want to show you,” Richard suggests, starting to walk away. Lee happily tags along.

They visit everything: Lee struts along with the guards in front of Buckingham Palace (and Richard hides his face behind his hands), they feed squirrels in Hyde Park, and eventually, Lee drags Richard to the Tower of London.

“I've always wanted to see the ravens! Caw, caw!” he says excitedly, almost jumping up and down in anticipation as they wait in line to buy a ticket, cawing every now and then which earns him a giggle from his boyfriend.

“Just promise me you won't pick them up and cuddle them,” Richard laughs, cleverly avoiding a slap to his chest by taking a step back. He grabs Lee's hand instead and leads him to the cashier where they buy their tickets.

The Tower of London is an impressive building. One can practically feel the ghost of history and the spirit of times long gone oozing through the stones and being engraved in the old walls. Lee feels a cold shiver run down his spine as he thinks about the many souls that have experienced a terrible death on these grounds. The uncomfortable feeling is made worse by Richard's gruesome descriptions of this place.

“Did you know that they used to have some sort of zoo here, in the 19th century?” Richard asks.

Lee shakes his head – as he usually does when Richard asks him questions like this. He has never been interested in history a lot but thanks to Richard, he slowly starts getting a taste for it.

“Exotic animals from different countries all over the world have been kept here,” he explains, “but most of them didn't feel too well in this climate and died. Some even attacked the visitors. That's why it closed down in 1835.”

Besides, listening to Richard and his velvet, calm voice is just the cherry on the top, Lee finds. That's why he simply keeps listening to Richard's explanations and smiles to himself as he sees the passion in his lover's eyes sparkle. He had meant to ask Richard why he decided to stick with the secret service instead of working as a history teacher but then always forgot. Usually, more important things had come in the way – like kissing. Or cuddling. Or doing other things. Not that Lee complains.

“And around 1190, under the reign of Richard Lionheart, the Tower was expanded,” Richard continues. “He himself was away on one of his crusades but his Lord Chancellor was taking over Richard's duty in his absence, and it was he who lived here and made a fortress of this Tower.” Richard stops and turns around to face Lee. “Did you know that the very first attack on the Tower was led by King Richard's brother Prince John?”

“What? Not by Robin Hood?” Lee gasps in feigned surprise, grinning. He knows Richard has a soft spot for the avenger of Sherwood Forest – and his enemy, Sir Guy of Gisborne -, so he likes teasing him about it.

“No, he was never there,” Richard replies, brow furrowed seriously. “And I honestly doubt he ever existed.” He is way too deep in his historical stories to realise Lee was joking. Lee loves those daydreaming moments of Richard – and he cannot help but sigh happily.

Richard quickly forgets about the Robin Hood issue, though, pointing at another tall building inside the Tower walls. “And that over there is the Blood Tower,” he explains. “Legends says it's haunted.”

“Really? Who's supposed to float around there?” Lee asks with a grin.

“Two little Princes, Edward and his little brother Richard. They've been brought there after becoming orphans. The one who brought them here was their uncle, the Duke of Gloucester, who later became Richard III. That was around 1480. Allegedly, he wanted to bring them here for their own protection, what with them being heirs to the throne and all that.” Richard holds up a finger. “But since they were in their uncle's way – he wanted to be king, too – he probably had them murdered.” He shrugs. “At least they have never been seen again after having been brought into the tower.”

“Honestly, was _everyone_ named Richard these days?” Lee pinches the bridge of his nose, slightly irritated by all of Richard's namesakes. “Who were _you_ named after, though? The king, the little prince or the evil uncle?”

Richard scratches the back of his neck. “Funnily enough, after Richard III,” he admits.

“But why him? Wouldn't the nice king be … more fitting?” Lee asks flirtatiously.

“It's because of my birthday,” Richard replies. “It's on Richard III's death-day. That's why my parents chose that name – it's got nothing to do with his actions. I hope.”

“As long as you don't lock me up in a tower...” Lee pulls a face. As much as he adores Richard's love for history, he doesn't quite like it when the past times get more attention from him than he does. “Come on, babe, let's have a look at the crown jewels,” Lee decides, grabbing Richard's hand and pulling him towards the Jewel House.

Many people are gathering in front of the showcases in which the jewels can be seen in all their glory and shining beauty. Lee and Richard don't make it to the front row but thanks to them being so tall, they manage to catch a few glimpses at those famous stones.

“Which stone do you like most?” Lee asks after a while.

Richard tilts his head, contemplating. “Hm, difficult. I think I like the red one best, the one on the hilt of that sword. And you?”

Lee looks around. “The sapphires on that crown over there.” He turns and smirks at Richard, coyly cocking his hip. “But they are nothing compared to your eyes,” he says in a highly dramatical way, wriggling with his eyebrows.

“Speaking of crowns,” Richard says, completely oblivious to Lee's terrible attempt at flirting, “did you know that this aren't even the original crown jewels? The first crown jewels disappeared around 1650, during the English Civil War. They've been melted back then so there was rarely anything left of the originals.”

Lee can't help himself and shakes his head. Richard once again missed him aiming for 'cute, flirty, irresistible boyfriend' – for the sake of history. He has to think of something to free his lover from history's claws and draw Richard's attention back to himself.

“But still, this counts as the most valuable collection of jewels and diamonds ever!” Richard keeps rambling on.

“Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that,” Lee mutters under his breath.

Richard looks at Lee in confusion. One could practically hear the wheels in his head turning as he mentally went through all the treasures of all countries know to men in his mind. Had there really been something more valuable than the British crown jewels, something he didn't know about but Lee did?

A chuckle jolts him out of his thoughts. “Just saying,” Lee mumbles with a grin as he lets his hand trail slowly down Richard's front, carefully hidden by one of the large columns in the room. “Because of your... crown jewels and all that.”

Richard squeaks in shock when Lee's hand gives a little squeeze and his daydreams about the past are now completely over.

After a while they stroll outside again, Lee grinning smugly, Richard's cheeks still tinged red and burning hot.

“That was a _very_ cruel thing you did there,” Richard says.

“I don't know what you mean,” Lee replies with a wicked and not innocent at all grin.

“We're surrounded by cultural possessions in one of the most important places of my country and you – you go and defile it!” Richard blurts out, trying to hide the fact that his body _has,_ in fact, responded – and not too badly either.

Lee snorts with laughter. “ _Defile_? Just because I prefer your crown jewels to those of your Queen?”

“Shush! Lower your voice! My crown jewels only concern you and me, and no-one else!” Richard complains but finds it very difficult to suppress a grin himself.

However, he seems rather desperate to get away from this place so Lee grabs Richard's hand and aimlessly leads them towards the next tower. “I thought it was a stupid stereotype that you Britons are so prudish,” Lee teases him.

“We're not _prudish_ , we're simply civilised compared to you Americans,” Richard says, desperately looking for words.

“Yeah, of course, that'll be it,” Lee replies sarcastically and raises an eyebrow. “But it would make such a nice story to tell our grandchildren!”

Richard groans. “We don't want to traumatise them for the rest of their lives, do we? Besides, I highly doubt that _any_ kid wants to know how their grandfather felt up their other granddad in public.”

“I'm not even talking about the groping,” Lee says with a meaningful smile and Richard's eyes widen when he realises what Lee is implying. He couldn't mean – no, he wouldn't! Or, would he?

“Come with me,” Lee purrs, leading Richard down the next best staircase, a wicked smile on his lips.

_'He actually_ is  _going to do this,'_ Richard thinks to himself as he follows Lee, falling into a mental discussion with himself. On the one hand he wonders if the British parliament would make use of the Tower's dungeons to lock national criminals in there – like them, if Lee actually manages to turn this visit into a full make-out session -, on the other he asks himself if he would regret it if he didn't follow the sparkling feeling that is rising through his body now at the prospect of him and Lee making love in this oh, so forbidden place. 

Without watching where they are going, Richard is already setting up a letter of apology to the Queen in which he apologises for the American perversity and its influence on plain, well-behaved citizens like him at length – when he suddenly bumps against Lee.

“Ow, you're crushing my -,” Richard is about to complain when he suddenly takes in Lee's pale face next to him, only illuminated by some dim lights in the showcases.

Richard's heart stutters to a halt as well as he looks around and finds himself staring at several dangerous and brutal looking instruments that have obviously been made only to cause the most horrible pain. Richard swallows hard.

Without noticing, they have reached the torture chamber of the Wakefield Tower.

Richard suddenly feels the pain of his long-healed scars, seeing images that he had hoped he'd long suppressed, and it sends cold shivers down his back.

He sees Lee in his mind's eye, bleeding, mutilated, on the brink of death again.

He feels sick.

Suddenly, Lee turns around, pushing past Richard, running up the stairs, wanting to get out, out, out. He flings Richard's hand that he had been holding aside, the force of this knocking Richard against the wall, and he has to steady himself on it to make the rising nausea subside. He shakes his head, rubbing his hand over his brow which is coated with cold sweat. 

“Lee, wait!” he yells, running after him, taking several steps at once.

But Lee doesn't hear.

They rush out of the Tower as fast as they can, and Richard has trouble to keep up with Lee's stride as he hurries down to the embankment. The gate to the Queen's Stairs is open today, Richard doesn't remember why, he doesn't care, he just follows Lee who needs to get away from all of this and he watches Lee run down the stairs, stomping through the wet sand of the riverside.

The Thames is at low tide now, will be for a few hours more, and it's safe for them to walk on the banks of the river, with only the water close to them. It's drizzling softly, so no-one else is at the beach, but Richard and Lee ignore the rain. Everything is better than being in that dreadful chamber.

“Lee. Lee, _wait_ ,” Richard calls out, but Lee doesn't seem to hear him – or doesn't react on purpose. He has his hands deep in his pockets, shoulders drawn upwards, he is hunched over and making himself smaller. Richard winces. Lee is suffering, probably going through all of his nightmares and memories again, and he is trying to be invisible.

Which proves to be quite hard for a 6'5” man.

Richard picks up speed, jogging through the sand to reach Lee, grabbing his shoulder, trying to turn him around, but Lee struggles against his grip.

“Leave me alone,” he hisses, and there is a silent sadness in his voice, and Richard drops his hand immediately. He knows better than to annoy Lee now – when he wants privacy, he wants privacy, and Richard respects that.

So he waits until Lee has walked a few more steps, and not letting him out of his sight, Richard sinks down onto the sand, not caring about wetness of it, and rakes his fingers through his hair.

Richard needs to take a few deep breaths as well. Even though seeing all the torture devices has not had such a strong effect on him as it had on Lee, it had still shaken him, and he needs a little time to compose himself.

It had been more than unexpected to see all this, to live through their past again, all the memories and feelings coming back in such a terrible way. He can't stop thinking about them, they keep materialising inside his head over and over and over again.

Richard feels overwhelmed, dizzy, like the floor is pulled from underneath his feet. His head hurts so much. So he sinks down onto the sand slowly, pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs protectively. He positions his chin on the knees so that he can still watch Lee from the corner of his eyes, ready to be there for him whenever the need arises.

A few feet away, Lee stands at the edge of the water, shoes almost touching it, hands still buried in his pockets, and he is looking out over the river, the wind tousling his hair. He has a strangely distant look on his face, an expression that makes Richard worry for some unknown reason.

He briefly contemplates reaching out, embracing him, but he knows Lee. He needs some time for himself now and if he wants Richard close, he will come on his own. If Richard were to force Lee to talk to him now, or touch him when he'd rather have no-one around, it would only result in Lee isolating himself further. And Richard certainly doesn't want that.

So he angles his head away from Lee, quietly trying to calm himself and the everlasting rush of thoughts in his head.

Richard is staring at the Thames, too, when he feels Lee sitting down next to him quietly. Lee's arm is pressed against his, their elbows are touching, and neither of them utters a word. They look at the water, how it laps against the shore softly, how tiny waves are playing on the surface. They breathe in the air, feel the wind on their skin, and let all the noise of the busy city just disappear.

A seagull cries when Richard asks, “Do you think we should go home? To Canada, I mean. We don't have to stay here.”

It takes a while until Lee answers. “No. You've got a task here. I'll survive this.”

“Hm.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Richard can see how Lee turns his head to look at him. “Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah. I'm fine,” Richard replies, but frankly, he isn't. The shock of the flashbacks is still deep in his bones.

A gentle hand comes to rest atop his own, softly tracing his fingers, sending shivers down Richard's spine. “I know you're not,” Lee whispers. “Talk to me.”

Richard heaves a sigh. “What is there to talk about? You saw the same things I saw.”

Lee huffs a laugh and scoots closer. The hand that had previously played with Richard's fingers disappears, and a strong arm is wrapped around his shoulders, the other sneaking underneath Richard's own arms and around his chest. Lee rests his head on Richard's shoulder and nuzzles his ear. “I want to be there for you too, you know? You've been through the same hell as me. You're hurting. You need comfort as well.”

Richard's heart clenches in his chest and he lowers his head, staring at the sand.

Lee tightens his grip. “You've always been there for me, so strong and never swaying. And all I've done is whining and being sad, and I was never there for you.”

“That's rubbish,” Richard protests. “What they've done to you... it's more than understandable that you... are the way you are. I'm not mad at you!”

Lee scoffs. “I'm not saying that. The thing is, I just want to give something back. I want to be … a good boyfriend. Someone you can confide in, someone who lends you a shoulder to cry on.”

“But you _are_ exactly that,” Richard says quietly, his voice threatening to break. “You are the best partner I could wish for.” And it's the truth. He has never had the feeling that Lee had not been there for him. Sure, he had comforted Lee a lot of times, but understandably so. The man was traumatised, probably would be for a long time, and Richard took it for granted that he should take care of Lee, no questions asked. But hearing Lee utter those words, he realises that he, too, needs consoling sometimes. He learns that his mental scars maybe reach deeper than he previously thought. Not as deep as Lee's, that is rather obvious, but still deep enough to drain him from any strength, and to leave him empty and hollow.

And seeing Lee so strong despite having experienced a highly shocking moment only minutes ago, determined to soothe Richard, and putting aside his own hurt and pain and grief is overwhelming.

Richard leans back into Lee's embrace, turning his head to press a kiss to the underside of Lee's jaw, and closes his eyes.

“I love you,” Lee whispers, softly rocking Richard from side to side. “I don't want to lose you. I'm just always so afraid I will.”

“You won't,” Richard replies, and this time, his voice does break. He sits up and turns to face Lee, kissing him softly, and when he pulls back, he buries his face in the hollow between Lee's neck and his shoulder, his fingers tightening in Lee's jacket, and for the first time in what seems to be an eternity, Richard allows himself to give vent to his feelings. “I promise,” he whispers as his voice breaks, as he, too, is shaken by violent sobs that take hold of his body and seem to project onto Lee; and suddenly, both of them are crying quietly, the emotions of the past few years and that flashback too much, too real.

Lee frames Richard's face with his hands, a little roughly maybe but Richard couldn't care less. He gladly follows Lee's lead, his tears ever rolling even as he presses his own weak lips to Lee's in a desperate, messy touch of mouths that isn't quite a kiss but keeps them both grounded – reassured that the other is with them, never leaving, always there.

Richard feels Lee's nose press hard into his cheek. It's not very comfortable but it doesn't matter now. He has his fingers tangled in Lee's hair, not quite sure if he's pulling to keep Lee close or if he's holding on because he's afraid of falling. Their teeth clash, their lips bruise, and as they kiss and cry and hold each other, they slowly, slowly calm down, the shock leaving their bodies bit for bit.

Richard kisses Lee one last time, gently, and Lee follows, and it's a soft and chaste kiss, and when they part, Richard turns in Lee's arms so they both look at the water again, wrapped in a warm, safe embrace.

“Do you think our grandchildren would like it here?” Lee croaks, his voice broken, but Richard hears a hint of a smile hidden in there and he has to smile a little, too.

“I suppose,” he answers. “Kids love water.”

“They do, don't they?” Lee replies and chuckles softly. “You know, when I mentioned grandkids in front of the Jewel House, you didn't complain.”

Richard angles his head backwards so he can look up at Lee, and he spots the red-rimmed eyes of his lover and the streaks on his cheeks left by the tears, and he presses a kiss to the underside of Lee's chin before answering. “Why should I? I love children.”

“Well,” Lee mumbles, “grandchildren would mean … that we'd have children.”

“I know,” Richard whispers. “And I'm not complaining about that either.”

He closes his eyes as Lee presses him against his chest tightly, burying his nose in Richard's hair, exhaling deeply.

“How can you be so sure?” Lee asks, nuzzling Richard's hair.

“Of what?”

“Of... well, that I'll never lose you.”

Richard looks up at him, blinking the last of his tears away. “Because I know you're made for me, Lee, and nothing is ever going to change that.”

Lee surges forward, following the emotions that overcome him in that moment, and their lips meet in a kiss again. “We'll make this, together, won't we?” he mumbles against Richard's mouth and relaxes into the embrace when Richard nods and deepens the kiss as is to say _'Of course we will!'_ and it gives both of them so much hope for the next days and months and years to come.

Lee pulls back first with a last peck to the corner of Richard's mouth, then rubs the back of his hand over his eyes and sighs. “That's settled then. We'll have grandchildren one day.”

Despite all that has happened, Richard has to laugh. That is the Lee he knows and loves, the one who can be funny, even in terrible situations, and he squeezes one of Lee's hand, running his fingers over the knuckles. “We have a deal.”

And the warm smile that Lee meets him with is enough to make his heart flutter happily again.

“Shall we go, then?” Richard suggests quietly and Lee nods, and they join hands and get up, trousers wet and shoes dirty. They slowly make their way towards the bus stop on the back of the Tower, careful not to look at it for an extended period of time. When the bus arrives and drives away, Richard feels he can properly breathe again, the weight of the shock lifted.

“Where are we going?” Lee wants to know. He sits beside Richard, his head resting on Richard's shoulder.

“Big Ben,” Richard replies. “The sun'll set soon and believe me, the view from the bridge is breath-taking. Used to love this spot when I lived here.”

A smile tugs at the corners of Lee's mouth. “Bet you took a lot of girls there.”

Richard snorts. “And you're the prettiest one of them all.”

Lee pokes him in the ribs and Richard squeaks.

“But no, I didn't,” he replies, afraid of more pokes and of more angry looks from fellow passengers. “There was one person before you, and it was a guy.”

“Only one?” Lee asks, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah. And I'd rather not talk about it,” Richard says, staring at the ground. “Not today, anyway. I've had enough bad memories for a day.”

“Oh.” Lee's hand sneaks into Richard's and squeezes “But I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk about it, okay?”

“Thanks, love.” Richard smiles at him and raises their joined hands, kissing Lee's knuckles softly. Richard has never really talked about his past lovers, or _lover_ , singular. What has happened back then is something he'd rather not remember although he is over that person. He knows he'll share it with Lee eventually – but not today.

The rest of the bus ride they spend in comfortable silence, sitting close, hands entwined. Lee cannot help but look at Richard curiously but decides to give him his space and wait until he is ready. After they get off the bus at the London Eye, Richard slowly leads them towards the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben and he was right – it's a stunning sight.

They find a spot on the bridge and they stand close, shoulders brushing. Behind them, they hear the sounds of tourists bustling about, the noise of the busy traffic, and a bagpipe player on the other side of the street.

Even though they are surrounded by all this noise, they do not hear it, focussed on only each other.

“I love you,” Richard says quietly, and Lee looks back at him with an affectionate smile.

“I love you too,” he says and kisses Richard softly, then wraps an arm around him and pulls him close. They look out at the city underneath them, tinged in a beautiful orange glow from the evening sun. “It's so weird, don't you think?”

“What do you mean?” Richard asks, dragging his eyes away from Big Ben and looking up at Lee.

A sad smile plays around Lee's lips as he answers. “This peaceful quiet we get to experience right now. The normal things tourists do – sightseeing, having fun, exploring a city. And all the time, there's danger close by. El-Sayed and everything.”

“Oh.” Richard lowers his eyes to the ground. He truly had forgotten all about their reason for being here in the first place during the past few wonderful hours.

“Hey,” Lee says quietly and nudges him in the side with his elbow. “Don't let this get you down, I'm sorry. Let's enjoy the moment, right?”

“Yeah, right.” Richard manages a sad smile, but it's not the same as they snuggle closer and look out at London again. He still is tense, trying hard not to remember the horrible afternoon in the Tower, and Lee senses that he is not okay.

Strong arms pull Richard closer and the voice he knows and loves so much suddenly starts to hum. “ _When the moon is up and the stars are out and night is falling so slowly,_ ” and Lee sings their lullaby as he holds Richard and it's almost too much and he is fighting to keep another rush of tears inside, and eventually, he relaxes against Lee's chest and listens carefully to every note he sings.

Lee finishes with a kiss to the top of Richard's head. “I'll sing this to our grandchildren,” he decides with a chuckle.

“Better not. You were completely out of tune,” Richard says mockingly even though he almost threatens to cry again – this time, because it was so touching and beautiful, and Lee _did_ , in fact, hit all the right notes.

Lee punches his arm playfully. “Oi, careful.”

“Well, you made me cry again, so it's just fair,” Richard replies, grinning. Lee grins back and even though neither of them manages a wide smile, it's genuine, and it's enough. 

Richard straightens himself a little and takes a deep breath. He does feel better now – thanks to Lee. Huddled together, one arm wrapped around Lee's shoulders, Richard looks out at the water of the Thames. “It's been ages since I was able to stand here like this, just looking.”

“It's really amazing,” Lee whispers, pressing himself even closer to Richard against the cool evening chill. “And look, the sun's going down, too.”

“Mmh.”

The sun is sinking lower, slowly tingeing the water of the river in a soft purple hue. As Big Ben chimes and the sun hits the Thames, Lee turns to kiss Richard deeply.

“You're such a sodding romantic,” Richard says as they break apart, but he's smiling.

“I know you enjoyed it, you goof,” Lee retorts and Richard has to laugh. They are both hopeless romantics at heart but they hate to admit it, instead they continue to tease each other with it.

Lee returns to his former position, snuggled up close to Richard's side, arms wrapped around his waist, head resting comfortably on his right shoulder. “I wonder what it would be like to get married here,” he muses, and next to him, Richard stills. “In London, I mean. Somewhere quiet and nice.” Lee sighs dreamily, angling his head upwards to look at Richard who is staring ahead. “What d'you think?”

“I...” Richard, admittedly, is at a loss for words. “I think I'd like that,” he manages to murmur, still taken aback by Lee's sudden statement. “I've never really thought about it, though.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Lee says, stifling a yawn. “But it might be time to do so soon, don't you agree?”

Richard looks down at Lee, into those wide blue eyes, and he smiles. “Yeah, maybe.” Images start to flash up in front of his mind's eye, images of him and Lee, spending their future together, growing old together, and a comforting warmth starts spreading through his whole body. “Definitely,” he adds, certain that his expression has changed to a rather dreamy one. He remembers his decision from earlier, and he makes a mental note to call the estate agent as soon as they are back in their hotel.

Apparently satisfied with that answer, Lee smiles back and turns to look at the Thames and the sinking sun once more, wrapped in Richard's warm embrace, content and absolutely at peace.

~*~

They return to their hotel room an hour later, breathless with laughter, giddy and drunken on love, and it feels like falling for Lee all over again. Richard beams at him and Lee is grinning back as he lets himself fall backwards onto the bed, pulling Richard with him. Lee wraps his calves around Richard's thighs and runs his fingers through his hair, still smiling.

“You look so happy,” Lee says, his eyes full of adoration.

“I am,” Richard agrees, pecking Lee's nose softly. “Thanks to you.”

Lee cups his cheek and runs his thumb over Richard's skin. “Well then,” he mumbles, “make me happy, too and do me a favour!” He rolls over to lie on his tummy and looks at Richard over his back. “Give me a massage. I'm sore all over!”

Richard raises an eyebrow. “You'll be sore somewhere else and for entirely different reasons when I'm done with you.”

Lee stares at him, then starts smirking. “I'm not objecting to that either,” he says, turning around to lie on his back and pulling Richard down for a kiss.

  
  


 


	3. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While stories of the past begin to unravel, while two people fall more and more in love with each second passing, a storm is brewing quietly. And the infamous calm before it leaves Richard and Lee unaware of what is going to happen. Richard starts work at the MI6 - and soon enough wishes he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now, the action will finally set in, after ages of fluff :') Enjoy!

**The Calm Before The Storm**

 

“I heard it might be cold outside today,” Lee states and pulls Richard's scarf out of his suitcase. “I don't want you to catch the sniffles on your way to the MI6.” With a swift movement, he wraps the scarf around Richard's neck and pats it twice, happy with his work. “There. That should keep you warm.”

Richard smiles at him fondly, shaking his head in amusement. “Thanks, love.”

“Don't be too long,” Lee says with a last peck to Richard's lips, holding on to the lapels of his coat. “I don't like being alone.”

Richard chuckles. “I'll be back as soon as I can.” And with that, he is out the door and down the hotel hall, turning at the corner to see Lee still standing in the door way, waving. Richard waves back as his heart skips a beat.

He hurries through the hotel lobby and out onto the busy London streets, allowing himself to pause for a second and breathe the city in again. His thoughts wander back to what Lee had said before – spending his life here, getting married – and he remembers his old childhood home and the fact that he has saved the number of the estate agent in his contacts.

Richard gets into the car the MI6 has given him and before he drives off, he takes out his phone, scrolls through his address book and dials the number of a certain Mr Brown.

It doesn't take long and the call is picked up. “Brown, estate agent.”

“Yeah, hi, my name's Armitage,” Richard begins. “I've seen you have a house for sale on Milton Street.”

“Indeed,” Brown replies. He has a warm voice and sounds rather young. “Are you interested in buying it?”

“As a matter of fact, I am. See, I grew up in this house and would like to buy it back. For old times' sake. And I was wondering if we could maybe schedule an appointment to talk things over.”

Richard hears Brown shuffle some papers around on the other end of the call. “Yes, yes, certainly, Mr Armitage. What a wonderful idea. I'd be more than happy to meet you. When would it suit you?”

“I was thinking about tomorrow morning. As early as possible, please.” Richard guesses he will have to work on the Black Fall case a little longer than just one day – terror cells are pretty complex after all.

“Very well. How about tomorrow at half past 7, in front of the house? You could have a look at it on this occasion.”

“Wonderful, thank you very much.” Richard says goodbye and hangs up, excitedly drumming on his steering wheel with the tips of his fingers as he makes his way through the busy streets of London.

He knows how much money he has saved, and he decided it's worth it to spend it on his and Lee's future. _Their_ future together. It still seems so surreal.

But even though his heart is beating wildly in his chest, Richard forces himself to focus on the task at hand: going through Black Fall's return and the MI6's wish to destroy the cell once and for all will be a tiresome, exhausting operation, he is aware of that.

To be able to help Mr Graham with all his strength, Richard uses the remaining few minutes to his destination to recollect everything that has happened so far. The first video threats by Black Fall had appeared about two years ago, and the MI6 had been quick to react. During an attempt to prevent a suicide bombing, Richard had lost his partner, and was then sent to Afghanistan to capture the leader, El-Sayed. He didn't capture him but rather was caught himself and ended up in El-Sayed's secret torture cells. That's where he met Lee, a CIA agent on the mission to kill Black Fall's leader. They had bumped into each other before, then set out for their task the same evening, resulting in disturbing the other and El-Sayed was able to flee and capture them. In the prison cell, both Richard and Lee had to endure physical and mental torture and only escaped with the help of a young servant girl named Sharifa. She died helping them, and they still keep her in fond memory. After a long run through the desert, El-Sayed and his people found Richard and Lee, facing them in the very last battle in which Lee got severely injured and Richard shot El-Sayed. He only got him in the leg, however, but thought he had killed him – this had now proven to be a mistake. Since Richard thought he was dead, all his attention turned to Lee. He never noticed how El-Sayed had crawled away to his near-by car. Only when Graham had told him that El-Sayed had explained this in his latest video threat, Richard understood how huge a mistake his state of distraction had been.

Richard shakes his head to clear those horrible memories away, then pulls out his mobile again, setting it to loudspeaker. He dials Graham's number to let him know he'll be there soon, parks his car and then enters the building. He passes through security, exchanges a few _hello_ s and pleasantries with his former colleagues – and feels a painful tug in his heart when he walks those familiar halls towards Graham's office. It's been too long. He's been an agent with all his heart and soul, and he felt at home here when things were rough, when his private life didn't hold any good for him. Knowing he'll be back only temporarily is hard to digest, but he will be strong. For Lee. For their sake as a couple.

“Graham,” Richard says when he enters the office of his former head of team. Now that he only is a consultant for the MI6 – and especially, Graham's unit, he still is Richard's superior but they are not team mates anymore.

Graham turns and as he recognises Richard, his worried expression lights up, and he hurries around his large desk to shake hands with Richard warmly. “Armitage, it's good to see you!”

“Pleasure's all mine,” Richard replies with a small smile. “It's good to be back.”

Graham still grins as he walks back to his chair and lets himself sink down. “You know,” he says, tapping the surface of his desk, “I still think you should've stayed with the MI6. You were a brilliant agent.”

“Maybe,” Richard replies with a shrug. “But other things were – and are – more important. Besides, I'm still with the MI6, am I not?”

“Yes, yes,” Graham sighs and gestures to the chair in front of his desk. “Please, do sit down.”

Richard does and runs his hands over his thighs, looking around the office. Not much has changed – it is still cluttered with tons of files and books, and it brings back memories from all the years he has been an agent here.

“I'm curious, though.” Graham is leaning forward now, chin propped up on his hands. “You never told me why you left. Was it because of the Black Fall mission?”

“In a way,” Richard replies.

Graham sighs. “Do I have to worm everything out of your nose? But then again, you were never really talkative when it came to private things, were you?” He blinks quickly. “But we're old friends, Armitage. I'll be as silent as a grave.” He holds up the tea pot that is standing on his desk, eyeing Richard with a questioning look, and Richard nods.

“The mission was difficult,” Richard admits. “But I've also met someone, and I don't want to endanger them with my job.”

Graham looks up from his pouring tea into a paper cup. “You met someone? Mr I-am-better-off-alone?”

“Well, what can I say?” Richard says, but he feels his cheeks burning and he cannot help but smile when he thinks about Lee. Even after all this time, his heart still beats faster and he feels warm all over whenever he thinks about his partner. It truly is love.

“Congratulations, Richard,” Graham says seriously, handing him the cup. “Do I know them?”

“No.” Richard takes a careful sip. Even though he doesn't easily share details of his private life, he decides to tell Graham – they _are_ old friends after all, and he knows he can trust him. And Richard also knows that Graham will keep pestering him with it until he tells him. “Remember the agent I told you about?”

“The one from the CIA? The one that got in your way of capturing El-Sayed and who ended up in prison with you as well?” Graham asks. Richard has not told him about Lee when they were still in Afghanistan. He had told him about a month later, when he was signing a new contract with the MI6.

“The very same,” Richard nods. “The time we spent together and the things we had to go through... it all brought us closer, you know?”

Graham starts smiling a little. “Is he the one you went to Canada with?”

Richard cannot help but smile as well. “Yes. He's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, and I want to keep him safe.”

Graham nods. “Very noble of you, Richard. And congratulations again. I'm happy to see you this much in love. Smiling suits you.”

Richard chuckles uncomfortably. “Let's... let's talk about the reason I'm here, shall we?”

“Of course.” Graham clears his throat and grabs a file from the huge pile on his desk, sliding it over to Richard. “As I said when I called you, we received several new video threats. You can have a look at them if you want, I've got them on my computer.”

“Sure.”

Graham clicks with his mouse a few times, then angles the monitor around for Richard to see better. “This one, we got about two weeks ago.”

A hooded figure appears on the screen, talking in Pashto quite aggressively. The person is standing in front of a black background – nothing gives away the sport where they stand.

“The threats are pretty similar, content-wise,” Graham explains. “They accuse us of destroying their country, they praise their purpose and intentions and threaten us to shoot us through our hearts very soon.”

“And you're quite sure those videos are from Black Fall?” Richard asks, scratching his brow.

“That's what I wanted to know from you, Richard.”

Richard looks at Graham in confusion.

“The accusations and threats sound suspiciously similar to those from last year,” Graham elaborates. “They don't name any names but still claim we know who we're dealing with. That's why I'd like you to have a closer look at the videos. Try and see if something – or some _one_ – seems familiar to you. If it really is Black Fall, then we'll know what to look for, and we'll be able to neutralise them before it's too late. Because we lost every trace of El-Sayed, we have to look out for squalls.”

“You mean, because _I_ lost his trace,” Richard grumbles, staring at his hands.”

Graham tuts. “This was not a rebuke, Richard. You mustn't take the fact that you saved your life and lost him because of that to heart.”

Richard stays silent, swallowing heavily. He had hidden the details of his and Lee's escape from El-Sayed's prison all those months ago so far. That's why Graham didn't know that Richard had put Lee's life before the killing of El-Sayed, and not his own. That action had not been professional at all. Being an agent, it was your duty to bring your mission to a satisfying end – whatever the cost.

Even though Richard knows that Graham shares the opinion that the life of an agent was more important than any crucial mission, it doesn't mean that other secret services just like the CIA think the same.

_'Well, technically, it_ was  _my life I saved back then. Lee is my life after all, my heart, and the reason why I'm still breathing.'_

Richard smiles to himself at that thought, and with a feeling of solace in his stomach he turns his focus back to the talk with Graham. “Anyway. I'll have a look at the videos.”

“Brilliant,” Graham says with a nod. “If you prefer, you can take them with you.”

“No!” Richard is quick to protest.

Graham shoots him a confused look.

“I mean, that's very nice, but I can focus better here. In the office,” Richard hurries to explain. The last thing he wants is to leave the videos around Lee. If he was to discover or maybe even watch them, his trauma would return with an incredible force.

“Right, fine, do as you please,” Graham says and smiles at him. “Buck up, then, agent.”

“Yes, sir,” Richard grins and nods at his boss thankfully when he leaves the room. He rushes down the stairs and out of the building, hopping into his car and making his way to the safe house in Dragon Road, looking forward to seeing Lee again.

~*~

Lee looks up from his book and stares at him in surprise when he enters. “You're back home already?”

“Yeah.” Richard throws the key onto the night stand next to their bed and flops down next to Lee, kissing him softly on the cheek. “Graham has brought me up to date, but nothing much has happened today, and then he had to rush off for an urgent meeting. He wants me to come over tomorrow again, have a look at more files, make a plan, you know.”

“Right.” Lee closes his book and puts it away, turning around to face Richard. “Care to tell me what he told you?”

Richard shakes his head. “Remember how I told you I don't want you dragged into this?”

Lee rolls his eyes. “For God's sake, Richard, I've been an agent, too. A freaking great one, at that. You can _tell_ me – I'm not made of sugar, am I?”

“You _are_ pretty sweet, though.” Richard softens his tone. “But fine. I'll brief you quickly.” And he runs Lee through the facts he deems most important – the video messages, the new terror cell, the MI6's operations so far, their ideas and plans. Lee listens quietly and with growing interest, plucking at the duvet on their bed with his finger tips.

When Richard has finished, Lee bites his lip. “And you're only planning to … consult the MI6, right?”

Richard is confused for a moment. “Yes. I mean, that's my job.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” Lee heaves a sigh. “But that's not what I meant. It's just...” He runs a hand through his brown hair. Richard follows the movement with his eyes – Lee's hair has grown a little longer, he notices, and finds he likes it.

“What is it, love?” Richard asks quietly, rubbing a gentle hand over Lee's shoulder.

“This whole thing... it sounds dangerous.”

Richard nods. “That's what I've been telling you from the start.”

“Don't go all clever on me,” Lee retorts angrily, but immediately clasps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry. I didn't mean to... snap at you. I'm just worried.”

“'s alright,” Richard says soothingly. He understands Lee – he was just as worried about him back when they were still in Canada. He can't really be mad at him.

Lee blinks at him. “Richard, please, promise me one thing... don't go on a mission with them, alright? Even if they ask you to. You're a consultant now, not an agent anymore. I... I couldn't bear to lose you.”

A lump forms in Richard's throat and he has to swallow heavily to make it go away. He tucks a strand of Lee's hair behind his ear. “Don't worry, I'm not going to do that. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Lee looks shocked.

Richard groans. “Oh _God_ , you _know_ I didn't mean that in the literal sense!”

Lee leans back against the pillows, pouting. “I do. But still.”

Richard looks at him, then leans over. “Come here and let me kiss that pout off your pretty face.”

Lee makes a point of pouting even more but immediately stops when Richard catches his bottom lip between his teeth, and positively melts against him.

Richard pulls back, just enough so that their noses are touching. “But I'm serious, Lee,” he says. “I will not leave you alone, okay? I told you I want to protect you, and I _will_.”

“I know.” Lee smiles up at him. “Truly, I do. And I'm more than grateful for it.”

“Good.” Richard grins, too, now. “And now let's get back to the kissing part, shall we?”

Lee's smile turns into a smirk and he reaches out to cup Richard's neck with his right hand, pulling him closer. “I'd like that.”

~*~

“Where are we going?” Richard asks curiously as he strolls through London's streets, illuminated by the evening sun.

“That's gonna be a surprise,” Lee replies and grins at Richard, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Usually, they had dinner in their apartment because Richard often was too tired to dine out after work. Thus, Lee had taken up cooking for them, and he always waited until Richard came home so they could eat together – no matter how late it might get. Richard was always looking forward to these moments – not only because he was chuffed about seeing Lee again after a long day at work, but also because Lee was a surprisingly good cook who loved to try out new dishes. Richard, of course, was allowed to test and judge them. Technically, every evening so far had been a surprise for Richard and thanks to the experiences he had collected over the past two years, he was happy to take things as they came. He felt safe with Lee, no matter what.

Until now, Lee had questioned Richard about his day in the office. Richard gladly tells him – yet not about the fact that he bough his childhood home in the morning, for their shared life. At the MI6, he had mainly checked several phone calls and e-mails from suspects – possible sleepers who only attracted attention by having moved to London a short time ago, having extra-familial contacts in the Middle East, and by seeming unusually passive when it came to the local social life. Richard hadn't been able to find a single connection with Black Fall so far, however, and it was exactly that fact that gave him a queasy feeling. He can't quite explain why but he feels that those suspects are waiting for something. Maybe for a sign or a message, but as long as Richard doesn't have something specific and definite to show, he is powerless, can't do anything.

With determination he decides to shake off that dark thought and instead concentrate on the nice evening ahead of him. Lee leads him into a quiet alley-way, dimly lit by a few street lights. Richard knows this street. He hasn't been here for quite some time, yet he still links a rather positive feeling to this place. Suddenly, the warm smell of rich meals reaches his nose, and his stomach reacts with a loud happy grumble.

Lee laughs at the sound. “I suppose you have figured out where we're headed?”

“I don't dare say it out loud – are we _really_ going to the _Laughing Elk_?” Richard asks, hardly able to believe his luck.

“Right you are,” Lee replies with a grin. “I figured we've earned that.”

“Oh, and _how_ we've earned that!” Richard states, full of happiness, pulling Lee down for a fierce thank-you kiss before dragging him into the small, quiet restaurant he got to know and love in his teenage years.

They are placed into a comfortable corner right next to the window and study the menu in concentration. Lee purses his lips, contemplating, then sets the menu aside. “You know what, you should order for us,” he suggests. “You are the expert in here, after all.”

“Right, fine,” Richard says, smiling happily. He is looking forward to letting Lee try his favourite meal – a beef, mushrooms, pea and mint pie. He also orders a fine Pinot Noir to go with it. Their food arrives quickly, the restaurant isn't at all full this evening – Lee had truly caught the right moment.

“How did you know that this is one of my favourite restaurants by the way?” Richard asks, taking a bite from his dish.

“You mentioned it once. Back when we tried out that horrible bar in Rossland, don't you remember?” Lee replies, sipping his wine.

“Well, yes, I do,” Richard admits baffled. “You remembered that?”

“Of course,” Lee smiles warmly. “I always listen to you.”

Richard feels a loving warmth spread through his body, engulfing his heart – and it is not because of the wine. He is so incredibly happy about the fact that Lee cares about him, is so attentive and considerate when it comes to him. Lee is the kind of person who forgets where he put his mobile or the keys (or the watch, even though he is currently wearing it), so that he remembered the name and actually booked a table means a lot to Richard. Sometimes he is afraid of boring Lee when talking about his younger years, and it relieves him to hear that Lee isn't growing tired of it at all. Richard smiles at him gratefully, unable to put his emotions into words – but Lee understands him like this just as well.

Richard takes a look around the familiar place. Barely anything has changed. The wall still holds photos of famous people who had eaten here, some more had been added. The staff obviously isn't the same as it used to be back when Richard was still a teenager, but the same homey feel this restaurant has is still there, and still the same.

“Do you know the people there on the wall?” Lee breaks the comfortable silence.

“Let's see,” Richard mumbles and lets his eyes roam over the pictures. “That on the left, that's Alexandra Sabelina. She was the winner of the fencing world cup in London in '56. The restaurant opened in that same year. Next to her is Huw Menai, a poet from Wales,” he explains, pointing at the respective photo, “and the following man is the former prime minister Harold Macmillan. I don't know the next one,” Richard admits, tilting his head, “but the lady is Agatha Christie. You know her, of course. Don't ask me who the next two are, I have no clue, but the guy on the bottom left, that's James Meade. He won the Nobel prize in '77. And the one next to...”

From the corner of his eye, Richard notices that Lee isn't following the movements of his index finger at all, but is staring at him open-mouthed and flabbergasted instead. “What?”

Lee shakes his head a little, just as if he were standing in front of a completely incomprehensible problem. “Honestly, Rich, why didn't you become a history teacher?” he blurts out. “I mean, is there _anything_ , anything _at all_ in the whole fucking world that you don't know at least _one_ piece of background information about?”

Richard opens his mouth to say something but doesn't know what so he shuts it again, blinking at Lee.

“Besides, you've got a beautiful voice, you're patient, you're friendly and polite... you'd be the perfect teacher,” Lee continues.

Richard avoids Lee's gaze with a shy smile. “Now you're sounding like my mother. She wanted me to be a teacher, at all costs. But imagine I would have been one – then we'd probably never have met.”

Lee smiles. “Oh, I'm pretty sure we would've bumped into each other one way or another. Such a love as ours, that doesn't happen everyday, see? I'm sure it was fate.”

“I didn't know you have a palate for something like fate.”

“I do, when it's of use to me,” Lee replies with a grin. “But how _did_ you get into secret service, then? As far as I know, your mother's opinion is as important to you as God's own judgement.” When Richard scoffs, Lee continues. “Remember those colourful Christmas jumpers you forced the both of us to wear because your mum made them?”

“Oh yes,” Richard sighs smiling. “You looked so cute in your jumper! Like a little Christmas elf...”

Lee only rolls his eyes in response. He had wanted to do Richard's mum a favour when he put on that monster of a jumper – and as a reward, Richard's whole family kept gushing about how cute and adorable he looked in that sweater with little elves stitched on it. All evening. It was rather traumatising. But the kisses and the hugs and the whole night that followed with Richard made up for that. “Stop sidetracking,” Lee urges. “We've been together for a little more than two years now. I guess I should know more about my true love other than that he had a nice childhood in London.”

Richard plays with his glass a bit, trailing his finger over the rim, and his expression changes to something contemplating – something sad. He tilts his head a bit, avoiding Lee's gaze. “You know, it actually isn't something I'm proud of. I mean, how I got to work for the MI6.”

He goes silent for a bit, and Lee feels a little guilty for having asked in the first place.

Richard sighs after a while, shoulders slumping in something akin to defeat. “But you're right. There shouldn't be a single secret between us.”

Lee swallows as he hears that, lowering his gaze for the fraction of a second, then drags his look upward again to fully concentrate on Richard.

Richard sips his wine again before he begins. “You know, my childhood dream was to be an author. And it sill was my dream when I was in college. I liked the idea of being independent. Besides, you know how much I love books. I had endless shelves full of them in my dorm.” He smiles fondly at the memory, and Lee guesses he would have made a wonderful writer. Richard did have his way with words.

“But then I met someone. Few months after I finished college.” Richard bites his lip, his fingers momentarily tightening around the stem of his glass. “His name was Noel and he was a couple years older than me. He chatted me up in a bar, gushed about his future plans to work for the secret service. He was really very charming and knew how to wrap someone round his little finger. And he really did seem to be interested in me, so we started a relationship.”

Richard interrupts himself again by clearing his throat. It's not very easy for him to talk about this – but Lee deserves to know the truth. “I suppose I was fascinated by his behaviour, the way he could charm people, and the way he looked. He wasn't too conventionally attractive, really, his nose was a bit off and he had longish hair and -” Richard realises that this talk might make Lee a little uncomfortable, so he swiftly moves his hand through the air as if to wave something away. “But why am I telling you this? It doesn't matter. In hindsight, this sounds all terrible naïve, doesn't it? But what can I say, I was young and stupid.”

He feels Lee brush his fingers over his hand and it calms him somewhat, giving him the strength to keep talking.

“In the beginning, our relationship went really well. I won't go into detail, but I felt happy back then. Or at least I told myself I did. But then … a lot changed,” Richard admits. “He convinced me to join the secret service as well. So we shared an apartment, and I mainly paid for it. My family warned me that he was probably only using me but I, of course, didn't want to hear a word of that. And whenever I wanted to talk to him about it, he distracted me by dragging me into bed.”

Richard squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head, trying to ignore the aching in his chest. “I realised that our… whatever we had... was more of a physical sort than a mental one, it wasn't love, it was only lust, need, desperation, I suppose. As a last resort, I tried to impress him by making good progress in our training – faster than him. He was supposed to see that I could provide for the both of us, that a future with me would be worth it.” Richard sighs. “I guess I was only grateful to have something like a relationship. I was yearning for a stable life and didn't want to accept that all of this was just a bad, bad dream.”

Richard runs his hand over his face, covering his mouth. Even after all these years, and even though he has been over Noel for quite some time now, it still affects him. Badly. “And then one day, I caught Noel in bed with Julian, one of the rookies. Our bed, at that. I kicked him out, and buried myself in work to digest all of this. Luckily enough, Noel was released from the training soon after because his efforts were not enough and his grades were non acceptable even though I had tried my best to help him. Even though he sometimes forced me to do his homework for him.”

Richard looks up, for the first time meeting Lee's eyes. “Since then I kept away from proper relationships. Until now.”

Lee had listened quietly to Richard's story, not uttering a word. Now he takes Richard's hand into his and plays with it gently, turning it over in his palm, tracing the lines softly. “I'm glad you told me,” he says with a strained voice. “And I swear that if I ever meet that guy, I'll make him wish he'd never been born.”

Richard huffs a laugh. “Hey, don't take this so seriously. Noel had no moral principles, I had no experience. Things like that happen. But it's in the past now. I'm over it.”

“Still. You're the last person who deserves a bastard like this,” Lee growls between clenched teeth. “Noel's birth certificate is a letter of apology from a condom company, anyway.”

That makes Richard burst out with laughter, happiness bubbling over, and in an impulse, he reaches over and frames Lee's face to pull him in for a searing kiss. “I love you,” he mumbles against his lips. “And I'm so glad I have you in my life.”

Lee kisses back gladly, dragging his teeth over Richard's bottom lip just _so_ , and it takes a bit until they realise they are in a restaurant and break apart, giggling like schoolboys.

“And now,” Richard says, “I suggest we have a little more of this delicious wine and you tell me a bit of your past.” He leans forward and grins.

Lee flushes, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “There's not much to tell you, really. I had a couple of relationships but they weren't as dramatic as yours was. Rather boring, in fact. But having more of that wine sounds like a perfect idea.” He waves for the waiter, then leans forward too so that their noses brush. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, but don't think I didn't notice that you wanted to sidetrack,” Richard grins. “Did you always want to work for the CIA?”

“Yeah,” Lee replies, running the tip of his nose across Richard's. “Has been my dream since I was a little kid. I loved the spy movies and always wanted to be one myself. A spy, not a movie,” he laughs. “And here I am.”

“Good,” Richard replies, “and I'm glad I met you.”

“Sodding romantic,” Lee utters, then tilts his head to peck Richard on the lips softly. They only part when the waiter arrives to bring them more wine.

~*~

“You're drunk,” Lee states with a slur and has to grab the door handle to stabilise himself a little. He hiccups.

“You too,” Richard says matter-of-factly, reaching out to poke Lee's nose, but he misses, and nearly ends up stabbing Lee's eye with his finger. “But now get the door open, I'm terribly tired.”

Lee nods enthusiastically and rams the key into the keyhole. It doesn't fit. He takes it out and frowns at it. “It doesn't fit, Richard.”

“Then use another key,” Richard suggests, yawning.

“Good idea,” Lee beams and fumbles with his key ring, deciding on one and shoving it into the keyhole with full force. “Where there's a key, there must be a door.”

“Careful,” Richard reminds him. “You're standing in front of a door, by the way.”

“Oh right.” Lee furrows his brow, deep in thought. “I meant to say, where there's a keyhole, there must be a key.” Lee wriggles said key to and fro, but again, it doesn't turn. “Man,” he complains, “the keyhole is broken.”

Richard turns his head slowly to stare at him. “Because you probably broke the bloody key by shoving it in too hard.”

“You never usually complain about me shoving things in too hard,” Lee grins and wriggles his eyebrows.

Richard glares. “You won't get to shove anything anywhere if you don't hurry up now.”

Lee sighs deeply. “You have a go, then. I'm too drunk.”

“So am I,” Richard states but grabs the bunch of keys nevertheless. He reaches for the keyhole soon after but before he can place the key in there, the door opens and a furious woman stands in front of them.

“Who the _hell_ is trying to break into my flat?” she shrieks, and Lee reflexively covers his ears at the noise. “Piss off, you drunk bastards,” she yells, then slams the door shut. “Or I'll call the police.” The last sentence is muffled by the door but still clearly audible.

Richard turns to look at Lee who blinks with eyes open wide, like a scared deer in the headlights. “Where the heck are we?”

“I have no idea,” Lee whispers, voice unusually high-pitched.

It takes them quite a while to figure out that they only have to enter the house next to the one they are in now, and once there, it takes them even longer to find their apartment, and when they finally have it, it turns out Lee has lost the keys so Richard runs back to the other house, frantically searching the floor without even turning on the light, and Lee joins him and helps looking only to tell him five minutes later that he _has_ found the key and that it had been in his trouser pocket all along.

Without further difficulties, they make it into their flat and into the bedroom where Lee is on Richard in seconds, trying to free him of his offending clothes. He doesn't quite succeed.

“You're wearing a fucking chastity belt, aren't you?” Lee complains with a whine, fumbling helplessly at Richard's fly. “I can't get it open.”

“It's a bloody normal belt,” Richard replies.

“But I can't _get it open_ ,” Lee repeats and jerks at the belt violently, causing Richard to nearly topple over and fall to the ground face first.

Somehow, they stumble into bed, Lee draped across Richard and snoring the minute they hit the duvet. Richard is too tired to make him move, drifting off himself already.

He vows to never, ever get drunk again.

~*~

Lee is terribly hungover when he wakes at noon and it takes him a while to realise he is still lying atop his boyfriend, trouser button still in hand. They didn't manage to undress that night, just fell into bed and were asleep in a matter of seconds, and as Lee remembers that he groans which wakes Richard in turn and they stare at each other, flushing, and groan together as horrible embarrassment washes over them. Richard suggests they should get out of their clothes and have a shower and Lee helpfully tries to open Richard's trousers, still not having moved an inch away from him – “I still can't get it open, though. Next time we go out, you wear sweatpants.”

Richard stares at him and Lee stares back and then Richard sees Lee's mouth twitch, ever so slightly, and he feels laughter bubbling up in his chest and snorts and Lee does the same, and suddenly, they can't hold it in anymore and are crying tears of laughter, doubling over and rolling around on the bed helplessly in a fit of laughing. They calm down eventually, Richard's face buried in Lee's arm pit and Lee tries to make him move but Richard seems comfortable there.

“But I smell,” Lee objects.

“You don't,” Richard replies and nuzzles deeper into the soft skin. 

“I do,” Lee insists, “let's take a shower.” And he gets up, Richard following suit, but they spend more time kissing than actually showering and when Lee slides down to his knees and takes Richard into his mouth, all plans of using this Saturday to go sightseeing vanish and they spend the day in bed. Which isn't too bad an option, Richard finds.

After the embarrassing incident the night before, though, Richard and Lee decide to make this evening better, much better, and agree on a stroll through London by night. Richard suggests to go for a ride on the London Eye, see the city from above and engulfed in darkness, with the lights of the houses flickering below them. Richard doesn't wear sweatpants, but he has left the belt at home – just in case – to Lee's utter delight.

The ride on the London Eye proves to be amazing. Surprisingly, not many people are queueing and Richard and Lee actually have a capsule for themselves. Richard happily shows Lee everything they can see – even though night has fallen, London is glittering beautifully. Lee wraps his arm around Richard's waist, resting his head on his shoulders, and listens to him talk and explain, taking in everything he can. When they reach the top, Lee points at one of the houses close to the shore. “If I was to have a house, I'd like to have that one,” he says.

“That's the MI6,” Richard retorts dryly.

“Oh.” Lee blinks. “Too dark to see properly.” Then he lets his gaze roam over the city again, picking another building. “That, then.”

“Buckingham Palace?” 

“Well, we _did_ have that conversation about your crown jewels, didn't we?” Lee reminds him cheekily and slowly lets his hands slide lower and into Richard's trousers – which are a loose fight now that he's not wearing his belt.

As cold fingers sneak under the fabric of his pants and cup his bottom, Richard yelps and tries to jump away but Lee keeps him in place firmly, laughing.

“You're crazy,” Richard mutters, but Lee just grins and presses a kiss to Richard's cheek softly. Richard angles his head too, turning around so he can kiss Lee back, and the noise of the city gets drowned out as they focus on only themselves, lips tenderly meeting over and over again, and they don't notice the flash as the Eye's camera goes off to take a photo. 

They don't even notice the flight is over until a security member opens the door, eyes them suspiciously and asks if they want to go round one more time. With flushed cheeks they exit, fingers entwined, and the young girl behind the counter of the souvenir stall waves them over to ask if they want to buy their photo.

They do, of course, and Lee announces he is going to make that into a poster and put it on the walls at home and he pulls Richard in for another kiss before they walk off, hand in hand, to stroll along the bank of the river. 

~*~

Lee is the one who spots the pile of leaves first. With a childish grin, he quickens his pace, running towards it and letting himself flop down with a huge beam on his face. “Join me!” he yells into Richard's direction who is standing there hesitantly, taking a careful look around to make sure that no-one can see them, and then he grins as well, rushing towards the pile and falling down next to Lee. 

He grabs a handful of leaves and throws them at Lee who laughs and rolls away, and it feels so _good_ to have fun like this, it feels so natural with Lee to do this sort of stupid, childish thing, and Richard _loves_ it and he feels free for the first time in his life, and he throws himself atop Lee and kisses him, passionately, and as Lee's hands sneak under his jacket, he doesn't mind at all. 

Lee stops him mid-kiss to point at the sky. “Look. A shooting star.”

Richard rolls off of Lee and on his back to look up, smiling as he takes in the twinkle of the thousand stars up there, scooting closer to Lee when he spots the shooting star. 

Lee wraps an arm around him and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Make a wish.”

Richard melts into Lee's touch, exhaling. “I don't need to. Everything's perfect. Everything I want is right here.”

Lee smiles against his brow. “Same goes for me,” he whispers, and together they watch the sky a little longer until they get cold and slowly make their way home, arms wrapped around each other, their hearts singing a joined song of love.

~*~

Lee brushes off some leaves as they enter the flat and glances at the mirror. “Oh God,” he complains, “I definitely need a wash!”

“Shall I accompany you?” Richard asks with a wicked grin and Lee shoots him a look.

“Better not. With you I'll never get cleaned up.” He grins and pecks Richard quickly, then hurries into the bathroom to take a shower and wash the rest of the leaves from his body.

~*~

Richard sits on their bed as Lee enters the room clad in his pyjamas, rubbing a towel over his head to dry his hair, still wet from the shower. Richard, only wearing his jeans, blinks at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and as it gets bigger, his whole face lights up. Lee feels Richard's gaze travelling from his face down over his whole body, then his eyes snap up again and he is back to staring at Lee's face.

A nervous laugh escapes Lee's lips. “What?” He has never been particularly good at enduring stares, even when they are coming from the person he loves.

“Nothing,” Richard replies with a hushed voice and slowly gets up, approaching Lee carefully, almost hesitantly. His hands are hidden in his trouser pockets as he leans forward and pecks Lee's nose unexpectedly, licking off a single water drop that had dripped down from Lee's hair and onto the tip of his nose.

It tickles a little. Lee giggles. Richard smiles.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Lee asks when Richard stands perfectly still and simply looks at him, _again_. He drops the towel to the floor and rakes his fingers through his hair in an unsuccessful try to tame it while waiting for an answer.

Richard's eyes flick to Lee's hair and he shakes his head ever so slowly. “Leave it like that,” he says with a dreamy smile. “I like it when it's unruly.” One hand travels from his pockets to the top of Lee's head and  _ruffles_ . 

“Seriously, what's gotten into you?” Lee asks again. “This is getting kind of creepy, you know?”

Richard shrugs, that smile still on his face. “I just like looking at you, I suppose.” He reaches up and pushes a wet strand of hair behind Lee's ear affectionately, then trails that hand down his neck and to his chest, stepping around him until Lee's back rests against Richard's chest. Lee's breath hitches in his throat and his heart hammers in his chest. He has an idea of what's to come, and as always when Richard touches him, his entire body seems to be burning, is tense and expecting.

Richard unbuttons Lee's pyjama from behind, gently dragging the fabric down his arms until it falls freely to the floor. Lee hears a soft chuckle from behind him and moves to turn his head, but before he can act, Richard's own head comes to rest on his shoulders and Richard rubs his nose affectionately against Lee's cheek. “Mine,” he growls, nibbling at his earlobe, and now it's Lee's turn to chuckle.

“Yours,” he replies in all seriousness, and Richard breathes “Good” into his ear, grabbing his waist and pulling him flush against him, and Lee gasps out as he feels Richard so close. He wants to turn around, grasp Richard's hips and drag him close, he is aching to press their lips together in a bruising, passionate kiss, but strong hands on his waist keep him in place when he tries to move.

“Hey now,” Richard murmurs, his breath just barely ghosting over the shell of Lee's ear. “We've got all night. No need to rush.”

“But,” Lee begins to protest, annoyed a little that Richard won't let him get what he wants, but he is silenced by an elegant finger that comes to rest on his lips.

“Shh.” Lee can almost feel Richard's voice rumble through his own ribcage and shivers. “Just... be quiet. Enjoy this.” Richard presses a kiss to the nape of Lee's neck, and Lee lets his head fall forward, gaining Richard more access.

Richard's hands come to rest on Lee's shoulders, his thumbs drawing gentle circles on Lee's freckled skin. Soft lips caress Lee's neck, and Lee feels goosebumps rising on his arms. His mouth falls open in a silent gasp as Richard's teeth gently graze the sensitive skin where neck joins shoulder. Richard keeps kissing Lee's shoulders oh, so softly, while his fingers travel down to his back, circling around the shoulder blades and up and down his spine slowly, and when they trail over Lee's waist, Richard presses down a little, fingernails scraping pleasantly over Lee's body.

Lee feels his muscles flex under Richard's caress and his breathing becomes a little unsteady. A final kiss to Lee's shoulder, and Richard slowly walks around him, coming to a halt in front of Lee, gazing into his eyes. Lee's eyes flicker down to Richard's lips and he licks his own but Richard only chuckles under his breath and shakes his head again. “Not yet,” he whispers, but leans forward to press his mouth to Lee's cheekbone for a lingering moment. 

Lee's eyes flutter close and Richard kisses Lee's eyelids gently. “My beautiful Lee,” he mumbles, and Lee's heart speeds up in his chest, thumping against his rib cage wildly. Richard rubs his hands up and down Lee's arms slowly, then trails them lightly over his collarbones, following his fingers with his eyes, a far-away look on his face.

Lee watches Richard in amazement, fascinated by the display of emotions on his striking, usually so serious face. Richard looks at him as if he didn't believe he was there, as if Lee was some sort of marvel, a wonder, and the gentleness with which he touches says the same.

Richard's hands come to rest on Lee's chest, over his heart, and his eyes flick up to Lee's face. “I can feel your heart beat,” he breathes softly. “So quickly.”

“That's because of you,” Lee whispers back, scolding himself mentally for how cheesy that sounds, but Richard doesn't complain. On the contrary, his smile broadens and he leans forward to kiss the place above his hands, right over Lee's heart. When he pulls back, the smile has not faded, but his gaze is no longer dreamy. It's laden with emotions, with love and affection, with wonder and happiness, with passion and trust, and it's so intense that Lee's knees threaten to give out under him.

Richard's hands pick up their journey again, down Lee's sides and to his navel, and further down, but they stop just above the waistband of his trousers. He throws a frustrated glance at Richard who just laughs, head thrown back, and Lee uses that moment to press his lips to Richard's neck, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him close. Richard lets him, head angled to his side, fingers dragging over Lee's back and he moans softly.

“What are you playing at, Mr Armitage?” Lee whispers against Richard's skin, flicking his tongue out and getting a throaty groan in response that makes him smile wickedly.

“Nothing,” Richard replies, his voice a little raw. “I just want to look at you.” He turns his head to nuzzle Lee's cheek, then kisses his jaw and down his neck while taking Lee's hands into his own and bringing them between their bodies. Lee tries to steal a kiss from Richard's lips, but again, he won't let him and takes a step back, hands still clasping Lee's. “I did say _not_ _yet_ ,” he smirks as Lee sighs. 

“You're torturing me here, do you know that?”

“Oh, believe me, I am fully aware of that,” Richard growls with a smile and suddenly hooks his index and middle finger around the waistband of Lee's trousers, pulling him towards himself. As their hips touch, Lee can feel Richard and his want, and he lets out a gasp. Richard quickly moves to slide both his hands into Lee's trousers, dragging them to the floor, kneeling as he does so.

His eyes never leave Lee's for one second.

A wicked look as taken hold of them as Richard blinks up through his dark lashes and smirks. Lee's chest is heaving at the sight in front of him and he reaches out to tangle one of his hands in Richard's hair, but Richard's fingers wrap around his wrist. “Patience, Mr Pace,” he says with a husky voice, sending little shivers of anticipation down Lee's spine.

Without another word, Richard bends a little lower, pressing his lips to Lee's left shin, kissing up, up, up, kisses the knee, then every inch of his thigh, and then moves closer to the middle, gently nipping at the soft skin of his legs. It's so close and yet so far away where Lee  _wants_ Richard's mouth to be, and he moans, torn between desperation and lust. 

At that sound, Richard looks up, his face carrying an innocent look as he asks, “What's wrong?”

Lee groans. “You damn little tease!” He is ready to say even more, even cruder things, but Richard laughs and his hands are back on Lee's legs, and as soon as he feels his lover's touch, every word he wanted to utter is gone from his mind. Richard's gentle hands travel up to Lee's hips, then to his chest, and Richard is rising with them until he stands face to face with Lee.

He walks two steps away and Lee does not like the sudden lack of contact and warmth, but the expression on Richard's face makes up for it. Only then does Richard allow himself to let his gaze roam over Lee's body and there is that far-away, adoring look again. “You're a wondrous and beautiful creature, Lee.” He steps closer to him, the tips of their noses touching. “And I love you more than words can say.” 

Lee swallows and breathes a reply, a whispered “I love you”, but it is almost inaudible. Richard seems to have understood him regardless and he tilts his head, their lips now only inches apart. Lee closes his eyes, waiting for that long awaited kiss, but it does not come. Instead, he feels strong hands carefully pushing him, and he loses his balance, opening his eyes quickly as he stumbles backwards. He is afraid to fall but he knows that Richard won't let him, and the fear vanishes immediately when he feels the soft edge of their bed touching the back of his knees.

Richard smirks at him as Lee topples down on the bed, his breathing already ragged and unsteady. He quickly settles himself atop Lee, legs framing his hips, arms propped up on his hands, and he is staring down at Lee teasingly. “Eager today, aren't we?” Richard asks and shifts his hips just _so_ that Lee has to throw his head back.

“Are you really that surprised?” Lee manages to hiss, teeth pressed together, and Richard laughs again.

“Probably not,” he says, voice heavy with joy. “That _was_ my intention after all.” He smiles as he feels Lee tilting his pelvis up in a search for more contact and then finally, _finally_ leans down to kiss Lee.

Lee responds eagerly, mouth opening up for Richard, desperate for a taste of those lips he loves to kiss, but all too soon it's over again as Richard moves down to his chin and a long his jaw line, pressing butterfly kisses to the soft spot underneath his ear and down his neck. Lee cups Richard's face, quickly pulling him back up to his own mouth. He has waited long enough, he needs to feel Richard's lips on his now, sucking Richard's bottom lip between his own. Richard sighs in content, his tongue flicking out against the seam of Lee's mouth, and again, Lee grants him what he wants. A spark shoots through Lee's body, electric and all-consuming, and he gasps, his back arching upwards and Richard uses that moment to grab the small of Lee's back with a steady hand, dragging him closer, keeping him pressed tightly to his body.

Richard moves to let go of Lee's lips again, and this time, he lets him, breathing ragged and toes curling. Richard kisses his neck messily, dragging his open mouth down to Lee's collarbones, and where the cool air in their room hits his skin, Lee feels goosebumps rise. Richard drags his teeth over Lee's collarbones, his tongue gently licking over the hollow between them and Lee's fingers curl in the duvet.

As Richard's lips travel lower, Lee tries to keep as much contact as possible between them, and he curves his spine upwards, tilting his head backwards as much as he can, hips lifting off of the bed. Richard takes that as a welcome invitation, cupping the lush curve of Lee's backside tightly, then leaves a trail of kisses from his navel down to where Lee wants him most now, and as he takes him in, Richard is rewarded by a guttural groan that leaves him to smile around Lee.

Richard moves his head in quick movements, tongue applying just the right pressure, and Lee twists and turns, eyes squeezing shut, brown furrowing, mouth dropping open as he moans. Soon enough, the moans turn into high-pitched, short screams, and Lee's legs press down where they are wrapped around Richard's back, and a hand comes to rest on Richard's head, scraping through his hair. Lee tries to stop him, and as soon as Richard realises, he looks up, but does not let go of Lee.

“Stop,” Lee breathes weakly, barely managing to hold his head up to look into Richard's eyes. “If you... if you keep going like that, I won't be lasting long.”

Richard only quirks an eyebrow and continues where he left off and Lee _yells_ in pleasure. “This is not fair,” he forces himself to say. “Not fair... not fair at all!” And he moans again as Richard flicks his tongue _just like that_. “Do that again. Please,” Lee pleads breathlessly, and Richard does, and then Lee's hand is in his hair again and Richard stills, taking in the sight in front of him.

Lee's face is reddened and sweaty, his hair a complete mess, his mouth hanging wide open as he breathes through it shakily, his eyes huge and wide. “Let me have my turn,” he whispers. “Let me look at you, too.” And he beckons Richard to crawl up to him again, to kiss him, and Richard happily obliges. Lee drags his lips over Richard's, weak as he already is, a messy slide of lips, but a pleasant one nonetheless.  While they kiss, Lee's shaking hands move down Richard's back and to his jeans, and he pushes them down with trembling fingers. He is wearing nothing underneath. Lee groans. Richard helpfully moves about until Lee can drag the trousers down completely, and then Richard lies down again, between Lee's legs this time, and they are finally pressed flush against the other, gasping as their bodies touch, their skin burning and tingling everywhere. 

Lee moves his right hand up to cup Richard's face, and Richard rubs his cheek against the palm of Lee's hand, melting into the touch and closing his eyes. “You're a marvel,” Lee whispers, utterly fascinated by that adoring gesture. Richard, a man usually so serious and cool, opening up so willingly and being so sweet to Lee all the time was something that still surprised him – and honoured him. That Richard had chosen  _him_ ,  _him of all people_ , was a gift for him, a blessing, and he is ever so grateful for it. He stretches his neck to touch his lips to Richard's again, then grabs his shoulders and carefully turns both of them around so that he is straddling Richard's hips now.

Richard's hands wrap around his waist automatically, a movement that has been etched into his brain during their time together, and Lee smiles at how natural it feels. He bows his head, kissing down Richard's chest and tummy just like Richard had done before, taking joy in the way Richard's muscles twitch wherever his mouth comes to rest for a fraction of a second. He presses his nose next to Richard's navel, inhaling deeply, relishing in knowing that this man is  _his_ , and that he loves him, before Lee continues his kissing down, down, down. 

While running his hands softly over Richard's thighs, almost tickling, he slowly engulfs him. Lee closes his eyes and just  _feels_ , tastes Richard on his tongue, feels the texture of his skin, takes in his unique scent, hears his soft moans and gasps that Lee loves so much. After a while, he pulls back, and Richard makes a complaining noise, but Lee just presses a quick kiss to his lips to shush him. Then he positions himself, legs framing Richard's hips again as he reaches behind himself and takes Richard into his hands.

Richard's eyes grow wide as he realises what Lee is about to do and he wants to stop him, worry evident on his face, when Lee just smirks, asking “What do you think did I do in the shower?”, and then guides Richard in with a swift motion, throwing his head back the second he enters him.

“Oh _God_ ,” Richard groans, hips bucking upwards and into Lee, and Lee falls down to his elbows, gasping loudly as he touches his brow to Richard's. “You're crazy,” Richard moans.

“That's why you love me,” Lee gasps out, shifting his hips a little more, and Richard takes the cue, picking up speed and pressing Lee's hips down onto his own pelvis as he thrusts.

Together they move, setting up a pace, a rhythm. The sound of skin against skin mangled with their quickened breathing forms an entrancing melody, their own tune, and their united bodies sing a song of love and harmony, of peace and perfection, and when Richard whimpers and breathes out an “I love you”, then Lee utters an “I love you too” back and kisses Richard messily, sloppily.

Afterwards, Lee rests his head on Richard's chest, and Richard holds him tight, nose buried in the mop of Lee's soft hair, hands entwined right above Richard's heart. Their breathing slows down a little, and they know they both need a shower, but they are too lazy to untangle their legs and get up right now. Lee's eyes are closed, he looks peaceful and happy, and as Richard gazes at his partner, his heart aches, and once again he realises just how much he loves him and how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with him. They are not the perfect couple, they fight sometimes – but who doesn't? Richard only knows that Lee is making him whole, giving him what he needs, and he is his everything. He not only knows it, he feels it with every fibre of his being, and he wants to take their relationship to the next level. Because it simply is  right. Right and perfect.

_ 'Yes,' _ he decides,  _'heading to the jeweller tomorrow will be the right thing to do.'_

~*~

Richard groans in frustration as he clicks the _play_ button on the video for the umpteenth time. He watches the familiar scene again, a scene in which several partly hooded fighters are shooting at some straw dolls.

Richard takes in every detail, every voice, trying to compare them with his memories.

The videos Graham had given him seem to be a random collection of sequences cobbled together, showing attacks, executions, innocent people being chased out of their houses and onto the streets like cattle. Inbetween those clips, the masked man appears, giving a flourishing, glamorous speech. Occasionally, some of his supporters.

Richard's head hurts.

The constant staring at the screen, the mind-blendingly stupid shouting from the loudspeakers and the fact that he still has not found a single useful thing frustrate him to no end. Besides, he has head on other things now as well anyway. He had stopped at the jeweller's before he headed to work. He'd bought a lovely engagement ring for Lee, and the weight of the little box burn against his thigh. He knows he has to concentrate on the videos now, but his mind keeps wandering off to his planned proposal.

He buries his face in his hands, inhaling deeply, internally bracing himself for the following confusing scene. Richard sips at his tea again when he suddenly flinches.

“ _Richard_!” Graham screams at the top of his lungs, pushing the door to Richard's office open with force. “Come with me, _now_! We've got a snout on the phone. He claims to know something about Black Fall's plans. He wants to speak to you.”

Richard jumps up immediately, following his boss to the central office. Graham points at some headphones, motioning for Richard to put them on. Graham then grabs his own pair to be able to follow the conversation. He nods at Richard, telling him to begin talking.

“This is Armitage. Who am I talking to?”

“That doesn't matter at the moment. I want to meet you, 5 PM, Randall Road 24, flat 12. Come alone. If I spot you being followed, I'll leave. Come on your own and I'll tell you what you want to know about Black Fall. In return I want you to delete me from your files. I demand a complete rehabilitation.”

“How do I know you're not lying through your teeth?” Richard asks, hands trembling. He tries his best to keep his voice steady.

The caller scoffs. “Would I risk my life and my identity if I wasn't speaking the truth? A clue: no!” With that, the man hangs up.

Richard can only stand there and stare at the computer in front of him. A cool shiver runs down his spine.

Those words...

He had heard them so often and every time, his insides had clenched uncomfortably. El-Sayed had said them, over and over and over again. That the caller had mentioned them as well is proof enough for Richard that he had indeed spoken truthfully. It simply was impossible that another human being would use the same annoying catchphrase.

“What do you think of this?” Graham asks, interrupting his thoughts.

“I'll go. I'll meet him. I didn't recognise the voice but what he said... that sounded like coming from El-Sayed.” Richard runs his thumb over the back of his hand nervously.

“Are you quite sure?” Graham wants to know. “It might be a trap.”

“That's a possibility,” Richard admits. “But still – the caller is the only trail we have at the moment. Letting him flee now would be a disaster.”

Graham nods grimly. “Okay. We'll have a unit stationed close to you as possible back-up. We'll keep in touch via radio, alright?”

“Got it.”

Richard nods curtly, turning on his heel to get some equipment. He doesn't want to go to this meeting without any protection, deciding to grab a gun. On the way to the MI6's armoury, he ponders whether he should send Lee a text. He _had_ promised him not to go on a mission that would endanger him, after all. On the other hand, Richard doesn't want to worry Lee either. He knows him, oh, so well, and he also knows that Lee would come running to him and drag him home by his ears instead of simply accepting a message and staying put calmly. Richard grimaces and puts his mobile away again.

~*~

A few minutes to 5 PM, Richard turns into Randall Road. He looks around carefully even though he doesn't think that this might be a trap, that there might be a sniper waiting for him somewhere. But it's the usual procedure on a mission, and years of being an agent are still in his bones. Only 200 more metres to go, and he would be at the meeting point.

“The surroundings seem to be safe. You okay?” Graham's voice asks through Richard's ear piece.

“Everything's quiet,” Richard replies. “Where's the back-up?”

“In the street running parallel to yours, on the right. They're holding themselves ready,” Graham answers.

“Roger that.” Richard crosses the remaining street that still separates him from the meeting site when suddenly a silver car flashes past him, coming from the drive of the building close by. With screeching tires the vehicle turned onto the road and tears away quickly. Just out of habit Richard remembers the license plate: AY61BIA. A little shaken by this encounter, Richard walks on, turning his focus back to the task at hand.

Upon entering the building where he is supposed to meet the informant, a presentiment of danger creeps up on Richard, starting with an unpleasant tingle down his spine and spreading to an uncomfortable ache in his stomach.

He grabs his weapon, cocks it, and ascends a few stairs until he reaches the first floor. The door to apartment number 2 is ajar. Richard sneaks closer and kicks it open a little more with his foot. Carefully, he presses the door flat against the wall to make sure nobody is hiding behind it.

He stills for a moment, just listening, but he did not hear movement, no breathing, nothing that might indicate the presence of another person.

So Richard enters the flat, searching it carefully. When he walks into the living area, a well-known smell reaches his nose: the unmistakable metallic smell of blood.

A look around a wooden pillar shows Richard the reason for the scent.

A man, in his forties, with Arabic facial features, is leaning against the wall, throat cut.

“Graham?” Richard asks, waiting for his boss to reply via the earpiece.

“What happened?”

“The informant has been -” Richard can talk no further. A sudden pressure on his larynx makes him choke. The wire wrapped tightly around his throat suffocates him.

One of the murderers had waited for him.

Richard curses himself for being so idiotically inattentive and tries to get a hand between the wire and his throat. He barely notices the sharp cut the wire leaves on his skin as he tries to crash his enemy against the wall behind them repeatedly in a desperate attempt to knock him out.

Richard can't breathe properly anymore, gasping for the precious air, so scarce, not enough, and stars begin to dance in front of his eyes. But he manages to summon up the energy that is left and rams his elbow into the man's solar plexus. He feels the wire around his throat loosen a little, and Richard uses that moment to take in a huge gulp of air.

He tears the wire away, groping behind him blindly until he manages to get a hold of the man's arm. While bending his knees a little, Richard's other hand shoots up to join his other and with a powerful motion, he throws the attacker over his shoulder and down to the floor.

Still struggling for breath, Richard immediately throws himself against the man when he tries to get up again. It results in both of them crashing into a cabinet together, smashing the glass with a loud _crack_. Richard feels little shards drilling into his skin but he ignores it, his mind on other things. He manages to drag the man out of the cabinet and back on the floor, hitting him with full force.

“Who are you working for?” Richard yells at him, emphasising his every word with another punch. “Who is your employer?” Another blow.

The man looks at him with quite a lot of effort, but suddenly starts grinning at him with a bloodied smile. Richard has an unwanted sense of déjà-vu all of a sudden.

The man spits into Richard's face, something small and hard hits him – was that a tooth?

“Long live El-Sayed,” the man hisses, biting down on a little, blue capsule.

Potassium cyanide.

“No!” Richard yells, unsuccessfully trying to squeeze the poison out of the man's mouth but it is too late. The cyanide had fulfilled its task, the man crumples down. Dead.

Richard curses heavily, trying to understand what had just happened. What did all of this mean? The informant, the attack on his life...

He only knows that El-Sayed truly seems to be behind all this. So – was this all some sort of act of vengeance?

And if so – why had only  _Richard_ been attacked and not Richard and …  _Lee!_

An icy fist wraps its cold fingers around Richard's heart, pressing it together painfully.

“Graham!” he yells. “Send this bloody back-up to me, and send someone to the safe house where I'm staying! Dragon Road! _Now_!”

“Why?” Graham's voice echoes through his earpiece. “What the hell happened?”

“Don't ask, just _do_ it!”

Richard exits the flat quickly, running down the stairs. Just when he rushes out of the door, a car comes to a halt in front of him, two agents jumping out. They stare at Richard in confusion when he jumps behind the steering wheel without uttering so much as a word to them. They had obviously expected that he would talk to them – and not ignore them. They keep staring after him as Richard drives off, speeding towards his and Lee's apartment with screeching tires.

“Graham, the informant has been murdered,” Richard bellows into his earpiece while driving. “One of his attackers was still in the flat and assailed me. But before I could get anything out of him he took potassium cyanide and his last words were 'Long live El-Sayed'.”

“Heavens,” Graham says shakily. “Then it's certain for sure. Black Fall is definitely behind the threats. But what is it with your safe house?”

“Lee is still there! And he is in danger, bloody hell, if they want to kill me, they'll want to kill him, too, I'm sure!”

Graham needs a moment until everything falls into place – Richard had not told him Lee's name before. “Oh my God,” he exclaims. “Back-up's already on its way, Richard. They'll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Richard curses, that was not fast enough. He yanks his mobile out of his pocket, turns it on, and immediately receives several notifications about eight missed calls, all coming from Lee. Lee usually did not call Richard when he was at the MI6, he _knew_ Richard needed to focus and did not like being disturbed – and the fact that he _had_ tried to call him gives Richard a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He takes a deep breath and dials Lee's number.

“Come on, Lee, pick up,” he pleads after the fourth ring tone. “Answer the call, goddamnit!”

Only the voicemail replies, however. “ _Hello, you have reached Lee Pace. I am currently unavailable, so please leave a message after the tone._ ”

Hearing that honeyed, deep voice, so cheerful and so at ease, makes Richard worry even more. Lee not picking up a call usually always was a bad sign. “Fuck! Lee!” Richard yells into the phone. “Get the hell out of that house! Find some safe shelter somewhere, you're being followed!”

Just as he ends the call, Richard notices the little icon alerting him of new messages. It blinks rapidly. With trembling fingers he opens the text, and his heart sinks to his boots.

It's from Lee.

_I don't feel well. Why are you not home yet? Please come quickly. x_

The message had arrived less than fifteen minutes ago.

“Fuck!” Richard curses, throwing his phone onto the passenger seat, flooring the accelerator regardless of any consequences. He needs to be fast – now more so than ever.

He speeds through the city, praying that Lee was simply out and about and unharmed, or that he at least took a look at his blasted phone. Richard keeps trying to reach Lee, but every time, only the happy voicemail message answers, leaving Richard in both a rage – and a horrible, clawing fear.

Ten minutes later, he arrives in front of their safe house. He jumps out of the car, runs into the building, takes two stairs at once, desperate to reach their apartment. First floor... second floor... third floor...

Richard takes a left, turning into the hall – and stops dead in his tracks.

The door to their flat is wide open, the walls in the hall soiled with bloody smudges as if someone had been dragged down the hall.

Richard staggers into their apartment blindly, freezing at the sight in front of him: smashed pieces of furniture, splinters of glass, drops of blood. On every wall, on the furniture and in puddles on the floor is blood.

Richard sinks down onto his knees. Tears make his throat go tight when he realises: he is too late.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys!!! Hope you liked it! ♥


	4. The Storm Begins To Burst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing someone you love is just about the worst thing that can happen to you.

 

**The Storm Begins To Burst**

 

At the same time, in another part of the world, Amir El-Sayed leans back in his chair, a sharp knife lying in the palm of his hand. He stares at the person opposite of him with an irritated look on his face. He doesn't like him at all but he knows better and doesn't make his dislike known. It would be rather disastrous to antagonise the man in front of him. Faruk is a dangerous opponent if he wants to be.

“Your plans seem to prove to be successful,” El-Sayed says, bringing the tips of his fingers together. “The videos have indeed provoked the reactions we wanted to get.”

“Of course they have,” Faruk scoffs. “The MI6 reacts squeamishly towards every little thing, howsoever unimportant. They are even easier to figure out than you are.”

El-Sayed bites down on his tongue at the mocking smile, and he stares the man down with a murderous twinkle in his eyes.

All of a sudden, Faruk laughs out loud and slaps El-Sayed's thigh in what he assumes to be a friendly manner – but a sharp pain shoots through his leg at the touch, the old wound still hurting.

“I'm just joking, my friend,” Faruk says, still wearing a large grin on his face. “Don't quibble over that. Instead, why don't you tell me if you've made any progress? Is your small little plan of revenge successful, eh?”

El-Sayed keeps staring venomously at the man for another little while. “If everything went according to plan, the American has been captured by now. I'm expecting a message any moment now.”

“And what about that British guy?”

“Well,” El-Sayed answers with a smile, “ _he_ is most likely dead by now.”

“A rather difficult task to murder one single man,” Faruk says scornfully. “I hope your men were competent enough this time around.”

El-Sayed chooses to stay quiet but the gritting of his teeth is clearly audible in the room. Suddenly, there is a hesitant knock on the door and to relieve his anger, Amir yells, “Well, come the fuck in then!”

A young man enters, obviously trying to appear certain and steadfast but failing terribly. “The mission has been completed,” he reports. “The American has been caught and is here now, but...”

“But what?” El-Sayed spits.

“... the British guy, he managed to slip away,” the young man finishes quietly.

Cold anger washes over El-Sayed's body, and the feeling is made worse by the quiet snicker coming from Faruk.

“Well, if _that_ wasn't to be expected,” he laughs and pretends to wipe a tear from his face.

El-Sayed can't hold himself back any longer, fury boiling over, and he grabs his gun, aiming at the young messenger.

“Hey now, get a grip, I don't want a mess in my house,” Faruk says, sounding casual but with a serious tone of voice. “Go away, boy, bring the American in.”

El-Sayed grunted, putting his weapon away as the boy hurried out of the room, shaking all over. “That British guy has killed my men and busted my hide-out. Someone _will_ have to suffer because he isn't dead yet!”

“Oh, Amir, Amir,” Faruk tuts. “Why do you always want to kill everyone who just does as much as step on your little toe?”

El-Sayed looks down his nose at him. “Rats should be crushed the second one has the chance to do so.”

Faruk tilts his head. “Not the single rat is the problem, the whole nest is, never forget that.” There is a knock on the door again, interrupting the conversation. “Come in!”

Two bulky guards carry in a person who seems to have lost consciousness. He is a tall man, and his legs are dangling on the floor, dragging over it.

“So that's your latest toy?” Faruk asks.

“That is the man who has to suffer,” El-Sayed replies. “For _everything_.”

“Stepped on your toe as well, did he?” Faruk jokes, then shakes his head. “I simply don't understand how you can find _joy_ in something like this. Don't you get bored of all that screaming and crying and begging and the 'oh please don't hurt me's?” Without waiting for a reply, Faruk steps closer to the unconscious man and pulls his head up by his hair to get a better look at his face.

Faruk's face changes its expression in surprise.

“Wait a second. Didn't you say that guy's called Lee something?”

“Yeah,” El-Sayed nods. “So?”

Faruk stares at the prisoner again in disbelief. “I know him – but under a different name.”

El-Sayed scoffs. “You can call him America's bastard for all I care, who _cares_ about that?”

Faruk's lips thin. “You will not harm him, Amir.”

“What?” El-Sayed's mouth drops open. “What's that supposed to mean? He's _my_ captive!”

“Not anymore,” Faruk hisses out between gritted teeth. “I've still got a score to settle with him, and for that, I need him alive _and_ unscathed.” He turns to the two guards. “Take him into room 12, keep an eye on him. Tell me when he comes to.”

The guards nod and drag the man outside again, the door slamming shut behind them. El-Sayed stands and watches, angry and disbelieving. “You can't _do_ that! _My_ men caught him, so he's _mine_!”

Faruk presses the pad of his index finger between his eyebrows in exasperation. “Stop whining, man. I just _told_ you I still need him.”

“But _why on earth_ do you need him?” El-Sayed cries.

Faruk is quiet for a while, contemplating his answer. “I'll tell you later. I have to talk with him first, then I'll decide what happens to him.”

El-Sayed stares at him gloomily, his right eye starting to twitch, his fingers curling into loose fists.

Faruk notices that little movement and rolls his eyes. “You should probably try and catch that Brit. Torture him for a change, why don't you? It would certainly blow your boredom away – and you wouldn't be annoying me.”

All of a sudden, El-Sayed's anger disappears, and the hint of a smile plays around his lips. “I bet he's looking for Lee now, anyway... The two of them were pretty close and even lived together!”

“Aww. The sweet desperation of a happy couple,” Faruk sighs dramatically and El-Sayed frowns. He had not thought of them as a couple so far – but if they were... oh, the possibilities! “See,” Faruk continues, “then that's just brilliant. Let him be brought here – or, wait, even better: _make_ him come here! If you choose that option, not as many of your men will be killed!”

El-Sayed chooses to ignore that last dig at his failure, and in his head, he works out a plan. It really wasn't that bad an idea – he knew he could have fun with only Armitage as well, especially since he has such a very good bait now. “Agreed! I'll see to it that he will finds his way here,” he beams proudly.

“Not _here_ , you idiot!” Faruk exclaims and hides his face behind his hands, sighing. “Make him go wherever you want, lure him into a trap if that's what you get off on, but _don't get in my way_.”

El-Sayed _harrumph_ s, crossing his arms. “Do you need everything from Lee, though? Or... could I perhaps cut a few parts off and borrow them?” he asks with an innocent smile.

“You're a sick bastard,” Faruk says, mouth twisting in disgust. “But do whatever you want. Just – don't cut his head off.”

El-Sayed nods, toying with the blade in his hands. “Oh, I'm sure I'll find other ways to keep our guest entertained.” And with that, he leaves the room, making his way towards Lee's cell.

~*~

Everything is a blur.

A cloud of damp, white fog seems to surround him, penetrating every corner of his brain, numbing it. He cannot think straight, no matter how hard he tries. In his mind, only one word keeps appearing: Lee. Lee, Lee, and only Lee.

Tears are blurring his vision. Hot and searing they run down his cheeks, pooling in the hollow between his collarbones, settling on his lips that are distorted in a silent, suffering scream.

His fingers dig into his scalp painfully, pulling at the strands of his hair. Heart beating heavily in his chest, his breathing comes ragged and his ribcage is heaving.

He hears muffled sounds all around him but he doesn't see, doesn't hear, doesn't understand what's going on. His own blood flow is too loud in his ears, drowning out every other sound. He is dizzy, he is tired and Lee, Lee, Lee, where are you?

Richard flinches when a strong hand grips his shoulder and someone calls his name. It's so loud, _too_ loud, why is that man screaming at him? Richard violently moves his head, trying to shake that person off, but he fails.

“Richard, for God's sake, snap _out of it_!”

Two hands are on his shoulders now, grabbing him violently, shaking him back and forth a little. His muscles are not strong enough to support his head, it hits the wall suddenly, and maybe that is exactly what Richard needed to clear the cobwebs away.

His vision gets clearer all of a sudden, and when he blinks once, twice, he can focus on the man in front of him. He is relieved to see a familiar face: Graham.

“Richard, are you with us again?”

Richard nods slowly, quickly looking around like a chevvied, harried deer. He is still in their guesthouse, still in the hall next to their room, but Lee isn't there. Instead, there are a bunch of forensic people running around busily, and he recognises three agents from the MI6 as well. “What's... what's going on?” he manages to croak out, his voice breathy, his tongue heavy.

Graham bites his lip. “Good news or bad news first?”

Richard just stares at him. “Good.” He desperately needs to hear something good now. And he is not quite sure if he is ready for something bad.

Graham seems to steel himself, taking a deep breath. “Well. There is no dead body.”

Richard's knees wobble, relief floods through his veins, and he threatens to sink to the floor but Graham keeps his firm grip and holds Richard up.

“Thank God,” Richard mumbles, clamping a hand over his mouth to stop himself from sobbing. “Thank God, Lee...”

“There _are_ bad news, though,” Graham says quietly. “And you need to hear them.”

Richard blinks up at him, gulping. He already senses what Graham is about to say – there is no dead body, but there is no live person either. No-one wounded, unconscious, or maybe even entirely unharmed. Lee is gone. And to where, they do not know.

“There is no-one in this flat,” Graham says and thus confirms Richard's suspicion. “There is a lot of blood, though, so we can assume he has been hurt. And then taken away.”

Emotions come crushing down on Richard as that information sinks in, anger and hurt and grief, at the people kidnapping Lee, at himself for not having stayed at home or at least having kept his mobile turned on, at everything and everyone.

Distantly, he hears Graham rambling on about the investigation and possible clues, about how they lost track and then he asks him a question but Richard doesn't listen. Too absorbed in thoughts of Lee, where he might be and if he was alive still, he doesn't give a single fuck what's going on around him at the moment.

It's not until Graham takes his face in both hands and thus forces Richard to look up at him, that he finally listens. “Did Lee say something to you?”

“Like what?” Richard asks, still confused and angry and sad.

“Something... weird. Odd calls, curious people, what have you.” Graham looks at him inquiringly, a look that Richard only knows from when he interrogates terrorists or other criminals.

“No,” he replies truthfully but as he sneaks a peek into the adjacent room, an idea pops up. “His diary!”

Graham goes surprisingly still.

“His diary!” Richard replies enthusiastically. “His therapist, she told him to keep a diary. Write down his thoughts, dreams, fears, feelings, you know, that typical therapeutic crap they always pull off!” Richard jumps up. “Lee might have written something down – and he maybe didn't tell me because he didn't want to spoil the limited time we had or because he didn't want to worry me!” Richard is babbling now, head spinning. There is so much hope growing in him. “I know where he keeps it, let me just -”

He turns to enter their room but is stopped by one of the MI6 agents. “No admittance, sir.”

“What the hell?” Richard yells. “Let me through, dammit!”

“No,” Graham says calmly from behind him. “There are still investigations going on. We can't let you in there. You could obliterate possible traces.”

“What are you talking about? I'll just get the diary, what's your problem?” Richard makes another try to get into the room but gets pushed away again.

“Richard, you should leave,” Graham says earnestly. Go look for another place to stay. For your own safety. Let us do our work here.”

“I'm not leaving without the diary!” Richard protests. “I don't get it, Graham, why do you want to stop me?”

“I don't want you to get involved. Richard, please understand – this is not your division anymore.”

Richard scoffs. “Come on, Graham. You know me. I don't care about divisions, I care about the cases. And in this particular case, I care even more. So just let me do my job!”

“But that's just _it_!” Graham bellows. “You're not an agent anymore! You're a consultant. You're technically not even _allowed_ to do field work. I'm already getting into a hell of a mess for sending you out here, I won't let you do anything else!”

Richard lets out a frustrated scream. “For God's  _sake_ , Graham, I'm already in the middle of this whole thing anyway! And as you said, I'm a consultant. I know Lee best, if he wrote something in that diary, I can interpret it. So just let me  _consult_ .”

“No,” Grahams says firmly, his mouth a thin line. “You are under my command, and you're going to the MI6 right now where they will find you a safe house until you have another place to stay, or a plane to go home. If you want to, I can always provide you with a bodyguard.”

“Are you serious?” Richard feels his blood boil hotly in his body. “Are you bloody serious?!” He steps closer Graham, stopping only inches from his face. “You have no _right_ to stop me from working on this case. This is _my_ partner, and it's my fault they caught him because I wasn't here on time, so I will do everything I can to catch that bastard and get my Lee back!”

“Richard, I can't, I really can't allow -”

“I don't _care_ what you can and what you cannot!” Richard yells hotly. “I'm not asking you to allow _anything_. I will do as I please, and I will walk into that room and get that diary and I don't give a flying fuck if you want me to or not!”

“If you do,” Graham replies angrily, “I'll have to arrest you for defiance of authority. Don't force me to do this.” He steps forward and pushes himself between Richard and the agent, creating another barrier.

“What's wrong with you?” Richard asks quietly. “You're not the Graham I know. You'd have let me in, or at least you would've organised for someone to bring me that book so I could have a look.” He shakes his head. “What are you trying to hide from me?”

Graham squeezes his eyes shut, then looks at Richard, jaw set. “I'm doing this to protect you, Armitage. That's all.”

“But I don't _need_ protection!” Richard objects. “I'm not a baby anymore!”

“Maybe not, but you've spent weeks in a prison in Afghanistan. You had to watch your loved one suffering pain, and you've been tortured yourself,” Graham retorts, knowing full well that he is hitting a tender spot with these words. “Things like that change people, Richard, and they have changed you, too. All I want is for you not to sink even deeper into this whole mess. Stay out of it. It's for your own good.”

“But it's not the best for Lee,” Richard protests, and he can feel tears welling up in his eyes once more.

Graham tries to calm him down. “We'll find him for you, Richard, I promise. There is still hope, and we've got good men. We'll find him – without you.”

“No!” Richard shouts. “It's my duty to find him, and to protect him, and I will not let you get into my way!” Anger flashes through Richard's body and, acting on an impulse, he pushes Graham backwards. He crashes into the agent and both topple over, landing hard on their backs.

Something falls out of Graham's jacket pocket when the stumbles: a plastic bag with a little book in it.

A book that Richard immediately recognises.

He jumps forward to catch the bag and clutches it to his chest like a precious treasure, staring at Graham with wide, unbelieving eyes. “Lee's diary. This is his  _diary_ ! You  _kept_ it from me! You weren't even going to  _tell_ me you had found it!”

“I'm not going to deny that,” Graham admits ruefully, extending a hand. “But please, don't read it. Don't do this to you!”

Richard sneers. “I'll read it whether you like it or not.”

He rips open the bag, not caring about possible traces or fingerprints, he just wants to have something of Lee's things in his hands, feel it, smell it, be close to him even though he is way out of his reach.

Richard's heart stops for a second as he sees the amount of blood splattered over the cover. The pages are sticky and he needs a moment to separate the last pages from each other. The smell of it makes him dizzy but he forces himself to look at Lee's final entries.

 

* * *

 

_October 20 th, 1:24pm_

_Dear Richard,_

_You've been at the MI6 for quite some time now, for the second time this week, and frankly, I'm a little bored. I was kinda looking forward to spending loads of time with you in this beautiful city... but yeah, I know your job takes up all of your time. It's okay._

_I've got some kind of distraction anyway. Had time to finally read properly again. You know, that one book I wanted to finish for ages but never managed to? Just closed it. It was brilliant. I'd like to read it to you when we're back home. You know, in front of the fire place, you in the rocking chair, with a glass of wine in your hand... I mean, you start snoring after three pages anyway. But I love it nevertheless. Watching you sleeping so peacefully gives me a feeling of hope and security._

_Speaking of that, I had a rather weird encounter today. After I finished reading the book, I went out to grab a coffee at the café two blocks down from here. I was kind of tired but wanted to stay up to welcome you back so I thought some caffeine would help._

_Anyway, I was walking out of the coffee shop with the cup in my hand and... I don't know. I had this weird feeling of being followed. I mean, I didn't pay too much attention to it, at least I tried to. I had this breakdown the first night here, you remember, when everything came crashing back with such a force that I couldn't sleep anymore? I was thinking that I was maybe being paranoid or something. But this car seemed to be tailing me for a couple of minutes._

_Ah, well._

_Thinking about it now, it was probably just some random car. London's full of cars anyway._

 

* * *

 

_October 22 nd, 10:09am_

_Dear Richard,_

_Remember how you told me about that one restaurant you liked so much? The one you went to so often when you still lived here?_

_I decided to book us a table for tonight. I'll tell you when you're back home. Can't wait to see the look of surprise on your face (I hope)._

_It looks really great and when I entered, the food smelled amazing. Like, I got hungry instantly! I completely understand why you are always going on and on about it._

_You can be lucky I'm still alive, though. Well, that sounds dramatic when it really wasn't that bad. See, I was just crossing the street to catch the bus to our safehouse when a car performed a hard stop right next to me. Could've driven over my foot._

_It didn't, thankfully._

_But from now on, I'll probably steer away from silver cars. I'd like to keep my feet, thanks._

 

* * *

 

_ October 22nd, 11:50pm _

_ Dear Richard,  _

_ Thank you for this great dinner!  _

_ I really enjoyed talking to you – but then again, I always do. Your voice gives me so much comfort, and I could listen to you forever and ever. I constantly realize how I calm down when I'm listening to your voice... it's like balsam for my soul. _

_ And I am also thankful to you because I know you don't expect me to talk about myself. There are things I'd like to tell you, but I think I'm not ready yet. At least not to open up to you completely. But I will, one day, because you deserve that.  _

_ Please be patient with me.... I love you! _

_ So fucking much. _

* * *

 

  
  


Richard frowns at the last couple of sentences.

_'You haven't opened up to me completely? Lee, what did you mean by that? Oh, you should've know you can talk to me about everything. I've been through some tough crap in my life, who am I to judge?! Why didn't you tell me, love? You didn't even tell your diary about those things, from the looks of it... this doesn't sound good at all...'_

Still wondering what Lee hasn't told him – and if it might be crucial to his kidnapping – Richard turns the page, reading on.

 

* * *

 

_October 23rd, 3:36pm_

_Dear Richard,_

_Speaking of silver cars. I'm not paranoid, I can't be. A silver car driving after me on your second day at the MI6. A silver car almost running me over yesterday. And now a silver car is parking right in front of the fucking safehouse. Has been, for quite some time now._

_There seems to be someone inside. Maybe looking up at our window? If they don't leave in thirty minutes, I'll draw the curtains and lock the door and nail planks to the door. Seriously. This is... not very easy on me._

* * *

 

_October 23rd, 3:47pm_

_Just went to the kitchen to get a cup of tea. They left. The car is gone._

_I was probably just imagining things. Again. Maybe they waited for someone or something. I need to pull myself together. Jesus._

_You were probably right. I should have maybe stayed at home. Therapy and all that. I mean, this diary is supposed to have some therapeutic effect, but well. I don't see any, really._

_All I know is that I need to distract myself now from those paranoid thoughts. I guess I'll watch a movie or something. Our favorite. And while watching, I'll think of you. I miss you, Richard. No therapy diary in the world can do what you manage to._

_You wanted to be home ages ago._

_I tried to call you so many times but you just never answered the phone. I know you're busy, but... I just need to hear your voice. Tell me everything's gonna be okay._

_Seriously._

_I'd feel safer with you by my side._

_Come back soon._

_xx_

* * *

 

_October 23rd, 5:13pm_

_I've sort of given up on hoping that you'll answer your phone and I swear to God that when you're back home, I'll forbid you to ever turn it off again but I_ need _to call you right now, it's urgent, so let's hope you'll take the call now_

* * *

 

The last entry looks like it has been written in a hurry, Lee's usually rather neat script now curly and almost unreadable. A terrible feeling starts to uncoil in Richard's stomach as he reaches for his phone, calls his mailbox and clicks on the latest voicemail from Lee. It's from 5:14 PM, and Richard braces himself for what he is about to hear.

“ _The car is back_ ,” Lee's voice whispers into his ear, panic clearly audible. “ _The fucking car is back. Richard, the silver car is back, I'm not imagining things anymore!_ ”

Richard gulps. Lee had indeed been right. The car he had written about in his diary was no imagination. What was worse, it was the same car that Richard had seen only a few hours ago. 

If only he had not turned off his phone... Lee would have been able to get through, they could have realised Lee was in danger earlier.

Richard digs his fingernails into the flesh of his thigh painfully as he continues to listen to Lee's voicemail.

“ _I'm frightened,_ ” Lee winces, “ _I really am. Richard, where are you?_ ” His voice is pleading now, so much so that Richard lets out a sob, his heart clenching uncomfortably in his chest. 

Lee is quiet for a few seconds, then his voice on the recording is back, his breathing going faster now. “ _There's footsteps in the hall, I'll need to lock the door, I'll have to – oh my -!_ ”

A loud  _thud_ resonates in Richard's ear. He figures Lee has dropped the mobile to the floor. Two pair of feet stomp into the room, he hears Lee screaming, and then a deep voice growls “ _El-Sayed wants to speak to you_ ”, and then the recording beeps once and ends.

~*~

Lee is cold, so cold. His back aches like hell – he must have been sitting in this uncomfortable position for quite a while now. He is dizzy so he keeps his eyes closed to grant his turning head a little more rest. He experimentally tries lifting his hand but it doesn't work. It feels numb somehow, just like his legs.

_'What the hell is going on here?'_ he wonders.

“Good morning, sunshine,” somebody singsongs in a honeyed voice in front of him. Lee knows this voice – but from where?

The feeling of a long-buried memory makes its way to Lee's conscious mind, surfacing slowly.

_'No. It can't be, it's impossible...'_

“I know you're awake, my dear friend. I'd think it highly rude behaviour if you kept pretending to be asleep,” the voice growls.

Lee flinc hes before he opens his eyes slowly, hesitantly. He knows who that man is, who is standing in front of him and talking to him. He knows him – or rather, he knew him in a former life, as Faruk. A life he never wants to be reminded of again. It would be a mistake to wake the memory of that past. Not now, not now he has finally found his peace.

“There we go, it wasn't that hard, was it?” the man smiles friendly at him. “How do you feel, Jamie?” he asks with apparently genuine worry.

Lee squints at him. “First of all, my name's Lee, and secondly, I'd feel much better if you untied me from this chair.”

“Oh, dear, I know you're back to calling yourself Lee Pace now, but that wasn't your name for quite a bit, was it?”

“Beg pardon?” Lee spits.

“Oh, come on,” the man says with a grin. “You don't have to play that sort of game with me, Mr O'Neill. I know who you are and I know what you are.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Lee tries to come across a little more nervous now, pretending to be a scared victim that has been kidnapped by mistake. He realises the man has probably already seen through his show, especially because he had been so confident earlier on. But still, it isn't hard for him to look and act afraid, not with his mind providing him with images of his last imprisonment. Lee tries not to think about it and focus on his pretence instead.

“Please... you seem to mistake me for someone else! I... I have important friends and... and my family! I bet they are all already looking for me,” Lee tries, wriggling about on his chair in a nervous way. “But... but if you let me go now, I won't tell anyone about this. Just let me got and we'll forget all this.”

Faruk leans back with a smile and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He regards Lee as if he is a stubborn child not wanting to stop begging for sweets. “You know, back when we worked together, here in the States, you were quite a good soldier.”

Lee's ears prick up at the small little word _States_ , and briefly wonders, _'What? States? The USA? Here? But I was in London only moments ago, what has happened?'_ but Faruk doesn't leave him the chance to ponder this further as he keeps talking.

“I had noticed you, in a positive way,” he continues, slowly pacing the room. “You were smart and a good fighter when it came to confronting the enemy. I was surprised when you suddenly... disappeared one day.” Faruk stops and turns to look at Lee, leaning closer. “And what a coincidence, it was _just_ the same day that the terrible accident happened to Ahmed.”

Faruk keeps his conversational happy tone but Lee picks up on that subliminal impatience that his talking speed is conveying. Lee knows it could be potentially dangerous to irritate this man further but he could not let his mask slip. Not after everything he's done – and of what Faruk apparently knows quite a lot.

Lee changes his voice to a pleading whine. “Please... I really don't know what you are talking...”

But the man in front of him rolls his eyes and begins whistling a melody.

Lee freezes. He can't help but opening his eyes wide and tearing at the ropes tying him to the chair. He knows this tune, a tune that would have been beautiful had it not been connected to such a dark context, to such terrible memories.

Faruk used to whistle this melody whenever a hostage was going to be sacrificed for the better good, or when imminent torture was upon the poor victim. He always stood and watched when a man or woman – enemies of his country – were mutilated or shot, whistling like he was enjoying a nice stroll through the park. The melody had been etched into Lee's brain and now, he reacts instinctively.

Lee tears at the straps that are keeping his hands and feet in place and yells loudly as they don't budge an inch.

Faruk, who has been watching him with amusement, rises and walks towards him. Lee flinches involuntarily when Faruk places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, almost like wanting to offer him some sort of comfort – and Lee hated himself for that.

“It's no use, my friend. I know you too well. I can see through your cute little act. So I'm just asking you to be honest with me. I miss the old days and would like to talk to you, openly and trustfully. You owe me awe,” Faruk adds, “you owe me that as my former soldier.”

Lee shakes his head but it's weak. It's just too much, his strength fades. He doesn't want to go through this again. He knows he has to keep being steadfast but there is this hopeless emptiness spreading through him, and there is the wish to just  _give up_ , to just let this end, and it's getting stronger and stronger.

“I will let you think about changing your mind for a while,” Faruk says quietly, leaning down close to Lee and staring into his eyes. “Consider well. Choose wisely.”

With that, he turns around and makes his way to the door. “The fetters will be taken off in a couple of minutes, but I'm sure you understand that I cannot let you run free yet. If you need anything, just knock. Far be it from me to treat a good old acquaintance badly.” Faruk smiles at him again, leaving no doubt that he truly means these words. “See you on the morrow, then. I hope you'll feel well enough then to talk to me about the old times.”

With these words, Faruk leaves the room and Lee is on his own. He doesn't see how Lee starts to tremble and turns his eyes to the ceiling, sending a silent prayer to whoever will listen.

~*~

“What do you think of him?” Faruk asks the woman who is standing in front of a double-sided mirror and who had been watching the conversation between Lee and Faruk with crossed arms.

She tilts her head, pursing her lips. “I'm not too sure yet,” she answers. “It's too early to tell.”

“Hm.” Faruk doesn't seem happy with that response.

“But I suppose he'd be a good subject.” She points at Lee who is still trembling inside the room. “Look how you managed to make him shake. He's visibly upset, so it's kind of easy to get to him, get into his mind, make him feel whatever we want to.”

“That sounds better,” Faruk growls. “You know I'm counting on you, Terina.”

“I won't disappoint you,” the woman replies. “You know I've got my reasons for doing this and I'd be stupid if I screwed this up.”

Faruk nods. “Wisely spoken.” He turns to look at Lee. “Word of advice, call him Jaime. That will connect him to his past.”

“Understood.”

“How long do you think you'll need for that?”

“I don't know. Maybe two weeks,” Terina replies with a shrug.

“You've got one week. If he's not ready by then, we'll kill him.”

~*~

Richard is furious. With large steps he rushes through the offices of the MI6. The expression on his face is enough to make many of his colleagues jump away in fright – at the moment, no-one really wants to be in his way.

Graham follows suit, a little more moderated, but still watching Richard with a worried look. He suspects what Richard is up to, and he doesn't like that suspicion one bit.

Richard violently pushes open the door to the forensic department, thus almost cracking an intern's skull, and barges in.

“What are you working on at the moment?” he asks the head of forensics impatiently.

“We were just examining -”

“Irrelevant, this takes top priority,” he snaps at him, throwing Lee's diary on the table. “You will examine every single splotch of blood on this book, in detail! I want to know whose blood this is. I will send a comparison sample your way presently, and until then, you find out if that blood belongs to only one person or several, understood?”

“Richard,” someone pipes up in the background, but Richard doesn't take notice.

“See to it that enough of your people are ready to examine the pieces of evidence that will arrive in your lab any moment now!” he rages on, pulling his mobile phone out of his pocket.

“Richard!”

“I want every finger print examined, every hair and every dust crumb analysed, and make sure that every single surveillance tape between quarter to five and 5:30 PM will be brought here,” Richard yells, unlocks his mobile and jabs at the display. One hand resting on his hip, one foot tapping impatiently on the floor, he waits for someone to take the call.

In his rage, he seems to have tapped the button that redirects every call to the loudspeakers – and everyone in the lab listens.

“CIA headquarters, you have reached Special Agent Fraser, who -”

Richard doesn't even let the poor man finish. “Remember Lee Pace? He was agent under your command two years ago, he's disappeared now, so _find him_.”

Stunned silence on the other end.

“Am I speaking Chinese?” Richard bellows. “Did you understand what I just said?”

The CIA agent seems to be rather intimidated but answers nevertheless. “I... I did, sir, but... who are you? How did you get this number? And... how do you know Lee?”

“For God's sakes, mate,” Richard groans, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I'm Richard Armitage, with the MI6, that's how I got your number, and as for Lee, I fuck that man on a regular basis so get your bloody heads out of your flipping American arses and _find that man_!”

“Goddamnit, Richard,” Graham yells, prying the phone out of his hands and explaining the situation to poor Special Agent Fraser as calm as he can.

Richard is breathing heavily, fists clenched at his sides, staring at Graham who tries to mend what Richard has broken spectacularly, and he can see that Graham is running out of patience.

“You can be lucky they're not suing you,” Graham says as he hangs up. He stares at Richard. “Blimey, you can't just expect the whole MI6 to only care about this one single case! Kidnapping isn't even our division!”

“It's _not our division_?” Richard yells and the intern behind him flinches. “An agent has been kidnapped, an agent that knows everything about secret service, and you call that _not our division_?!”

Graham tries to stay calm. “First of all, it is not one of our agents. He is an American _ex_ -agent, and secondly, nothing will happen here until you calm _down_!”

Richard breathes hard, staring at Graham with gleaming eyes. After a moment that seems like an eternity to Graham, Richard finally exhales shakily and nods a little.

“Good.” Graham straightens his posture and folds his hands behind his back. “To begin with, you should be aware of the fact that I cannot possibly support you and your plan to chase after a gang of kidnappers, and using all of our staff and our devices while you're at it!”

Richard draws a deep breath to prepare himself for a vocal protest, when Graham silences him wit a gesture.

“ _But_ ,” he says with a grim voice, “since it seems that the kidnapping of your boyfriend is closely linked with the reappearance of Black Fall, there is the possibility to keep operating in that direction. You are currently employed as a consultant – if you want to be of help, you'll need to get into active service again. And your goal will be to get information about Black Fall – and not about Lee.” Graham steps closer. “Do you understand?”

Richard looks at him, dumbfounded, but then it dawns on him that he has no other choice. He has no approach to where Lee could have been taken to; he doesn't even know if El-Sayed and his buddies truly were the ones who kidnapped him. But without the MI6's investigations he wouldn't find out anything at all. Besides, a lot actually _is_ pointing towards El-Sayed being behind all this: the trap, the words, Lee being kidnapped – this can't be a simple coincidence! That's why Richard would need every support he could get.

“Fine,” he finally grunts, “but we have to hurry with the investigation. Every second counts!”

“Of course!” Graham says, relieved. “Does that mean you're getting back to active duty again?”

“Yes, it does,” Richard answers, slightly resigned. He had hoped to put this topic behind himself, be finished with it – but on the other hand he cannot deny looking forward to kicking the stupid arses of Lee's kidnappers.

“I'm really happy to hear that,” Graham says honestly, squeezing Richard's shoulder.

“But only until this case is closed,” Richard states. “Afterwards, I never want anything to do with terrorists or with narrowed amoeba brains in general again.”

“Agreed.” Graham chuckles, quite clearly amused about the unusual tone of this usually so polite British man. He almost feels sorry for the guys who kidnapped Richard's boyfriend – he can imagine what horrible things await them as soon as Richard manages to get his hands on them.

“Right. What're we going to do?”

“I'll see to it that the traces from your flat will be examined as soon as possible. Maybe we can find a fingerprint or a hair we can run through our data bank. We'll of course check the security videos, I'll get a couple of people to pick them up right away,” Graham explains. “And you, Richard, you'll think about the possible connection between your boyfriend and Black Fall. Did he tell you anything about his former missions? Or maybe he knows something that could help El-Sayed with his attacks.”

Richard shrugs. “It could simply be revenge. It's hard to say, really. El-Sayed _is_ an outright nutcase after all.”

“Why didn't he just kill him then?” Graham asks, doubt evident in his voice. “No, the effort was too huge. I'm sure there's more to it.”

“I hope so,” Richard says quietly, swallowing hard. He has to squeeze his eyes shut to make those images of Lee's dead and mutilated body disappear that want to come to the forefront of his mind. There _has_ to be more to it, even if it was only a simple blackmail thing. If not, then it's just a matter of hours until Lee would be executed.

Graham watches Richard's face and seems to know exactly what he thinks, trying to sound optimistic, “And that's exactly why you should think really hard about this. Look at the diary and try and find some useful information. I'll take care of the other examinations in the meantime. Will keep you posted.”

Richard simply nods. In him, there is still anger coiling in his belly, red-hot just like the tip of an iron blade freshly taken from the flames, ready to cut through anyone standing in its path. But there is also a flicker of hope because Richard now knows that he has the support of the MI6.

With a determined expression he grabs the diary and storms out of the room, looking for a quiet office he can use to flick through it and unveil its secrets and information – if there are any.

~*~

Richard slaps his temples with the side of his hands in the hope it might make it easier for him to concentrate and help him along. He just can't believe that nothing, honestly _nothing_ comes to his mind that could possibly help with the problem of Lee's kidnapping.

He's been studying Lee's diary for hours now, non-stop. The examination's result had come in, the blood on the book came from only one person. Comparison with Lee's toothbrush revealed whose blood it was: Lee's, indeed. It was final, now.

Richard tries to make that thought disappear by staring at the pages in front of him again. He reads through entries that were written months ago, finds the recipes that Lee wanted to try jotted down as well, and he has to hold back his tears whenever one entry reminds him of an especially wonderful day spent with his boyfriend. All of the entries begin with _Dear Richard_ , just as if they had been written specifically for him, all those intimate thoughts only for him to read. Most moments, Richard can recall very well, but seeing them come alive through Lee's eyes makes them even more lively and beautiful and he feels closer to Lee a little even though they are so far apart.

Lee writes a lot about their life in Canada and how happy he feels there. Only rarely does he mention memories of his time in the USA, and when he does, it's mostly about his parents or siblings who live there.

Often, Lee apologises for his choleric behaviour. The traumatising situations he went through in Afghanistan had made him quickly irritable for a lot of things, and Richard understands him. He himself wants to punch the wall or just start to scream very often, too – but it was hard for Lee to hold himself back because he was very temperamental.

Richard promises himself that he would talk to Lee about his occasional tantrums, would tell him that he doesn't mind them at all. It was better to let it all out, instead of bottling it up inside. _'We will talk about it next time,'_ Richard thinks, _'if there is going to be a next time.'_ He flinches. For a moment there, he had forgotten. For a moment it felt like Lee wasn't gone, that he was just in another room, that he would send a sweet little text or a funny selfie or something else entirely. It seemed that Richard's mobile would announce _something_ from Lee any minute now.

Richard shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thought that Lee might never have the chance to text him again. Instead, he focusses back on Lee's writing. He's trying to find a clue, anything that would explain why El-Sayed would be interested in kidnapping Lee. Had Lee seen something weird, had some seemingly harmless situation made him nervous? Richard hopes to find the answer in one of Lee's nightmares – which he never wrote about in detail.

_'Oh, Lee. You should have written down your dreams precisely.'_

Frustrated, Richard rubs his neck, letting his gaze roam over to his colleagues who keep looking at him with an apologetic expression. So far, the traces found in the safehouse have not been of any help. All the blood seems to be from Lee alone. Richard feels nauseous, sick, when he remembers the amount of blood his lover had lost.

_'Please, Lee, be alive.'_

No finger prints, no hair, no other trace had been found. It seemed like the attackers had come at Lee in some sort of quarantine suits.

_'Why did I leave you alone?!'_

The only trace that _could_ have been useful was the pursuit of the silver car – a fiat, according to several CCTV cameras – with the number plate AY61BIA. That car had almost run Richard over, only minutes before he met his almost-killer in Randall Road. Richard hadn't thought it important at that time, and he is mentally kicking his behind, because a chase could have brought interesting and important information to light. It also fit Lee's description he had left on his voicemail message. It had been found about an hour ago, on a secluded parking space outside of London. It was empty, and once again, without any forensic traces except for a few blood drops – Lee's, again.

Richard's heart still breaks when he thinks about how he could have listened to that message earlier – and how that would have changed things. Lee could be with him again now.

_'If only I had...'_

But whining doesn't bring Lee back, doesn't even help him in the slightest. So back to work!

“Are you making progress?” Graham asks, having stepped next to Richard unnoticed.

“No, not really,” Richard replies in frustration. “I'm still trying to make out some parts here. There's a huge smudge of blood and it's made some words unreadable. I might still find something, though.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Graham says hesitantly. It hurts him to see his friend like this, grasping a straws here – no matter how improbable they might be.

Richard ignores the doubtful comment and changes the topic. His eyes are still fixed on the pages of the diary, his fingers running over Lee's words in a tender way. “Do we already know who the men from Randall Road are?”

Graham nods. “The informant has been identified as Farid Jefferson. A small-time crook who left the US four years ago and came here instead. We don't know his reason for emigrating. Some break-ins, some thefts, but nothing of importance.” He clears his throat. “But we don't yet know what his connection to Black Fall is.”

“Of course we don't,” Richard sighs. His shoulders slump slightly. Graham steps closer and squeezes Richard's shoulder once, trying to offer him one safe, steady point of reference in his world which is tumbling down.

“He worked as a postie,” Graham continues. “The only noticeable thing is that he has no relations here. No family, no friends, no partner, no contacts we could talk to.”

Richard looks up, one brow raised. “Sounds like a spy, don't you think? No relations whatsoever, no pressing reason for leaving the States,  _and_ he's an informant.”

“Sure,” Graham admits. “That thought has already crossed my mind as well. Question is – what or who was he spying on?”

Richard makes a non-committal sound. “What about the other guy?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Graham repeats. “No entries in the data bases – neither here nor at the CIA nor elsewhere. We checked them thoroughly, with facial recognition programs and the like. Nothing.”

Richard frowns, staring out of the window. “Someone who commits a murder and then prefers swallowing potassium cyanide for their boss instead of talking doesn't strike me as a person that'd shows up from out of nowhere.” Richard turns back to face Graham. “He  _must_ have attracted attention at some point!”

Graham scoffs. “Or he simply was being very clever.”

Richard rubs his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How I hate people like that...”

Graham watches Richard closely, sees how tired he has become and quietly asks him, “Don't you want to take a break, Rich? You look like you could need one.”

“Are you kidding me?” Richard bellows, a little harsher than he wanted to. “I'm sorry,” he adds, but stares back at the diary with a determined expression. He could never forgive himself if he would waste time with something as trivial as sleep right now.

Grahams has been Richard's friend long enough to know how stubborn and persistent Richard could be when he fastened onto something. And especially when it was a matter close to his heart, like now.  _'A literal matter of the heart,'_ Graham sadly realises.

“I'm just saying. You might overlook something if you don't let your eyes rest for a bit. I'm sure you don't want that,” Graham tries, but Richard just side-eyes him.

He knows what his friend is trying to achieve and smiles at him, appreciating his concern. “I'm fine.”

Graham nods. He hadn't expected a different answer. Without saying another word, he disappears only to enter soon after again, placing a cup of tea on Richard's desk. Eventually, he leaves for good to get back to his own work.

Richard thanks him in his mind while he keeps trailing his fingers over the smudged writing. It's a script that's so familiar to him, and he imagines hearing those words with Lee's voice. It calms him, somehow, and he remembers Lee's arms around him at night, and his voice when he tells him a bedtime story, and...

~*~

All of a sudden, Richard starts awake, is jerked out of his deep, dreamless sleep by someone vigorously shaking his shoulders. He did fall asleep over Lee's diary, he realises, and he rubs his hands over his eyes.

“Sir, we've found a parcel. Mr Graham awaits you in the forensics department.”

It needs a while until the words uttered by Ilja, the lab assistant, find their way into Richard's overtired brain and finally sink in. He trots after Ilja, still sleepy, descending the stairs to a lower floor in an almost trance-like state. When they reach the labs, Richard shakes his head in an attempt to somehow wake himself and be alert once more. A glance at his watch tells him that it's close to three o'clock in the morning.  _'That doesn't sound like a normal parcel service.'_

Graham is already waiting for him, beckoning him into one of the labs at the back. “One of the guards in the entrance hall has found a package personally addressed to you.”

“What?” Richard is fully awake now.

Graham shrugs. “He said he was doing his usual rounds and when he returned to the entrance, it was suddenly there.”

Richard slips into his work mode again, his brain already reeling. “We should check it for possible bombs first.”

“Bomb squad's already here.”

They enter the examination room which is made of two chambers. They are separated by a thick wall of armoured glass behind which a member of E.V.O., wearing a heavy protection suit, is already at work, carefully opening the package in question. Richard closely studies it from his safe spot behind the glass.

It's a simple wooden box with a quadratic shape. It looks like it has been travelling for quite a while, worn-out and some wood has splintered off at the sides. On one side, there is a huge stamp saying “USA”, and on the lid, a little note with Richard's name and the address of the MI6 has been attached. However, Richard can't detect any post marks, so it must have been delivered directly, and has not been sent from the States.

The E.V.O. Specialist meticulously checks the lid for possible wires. But apparently, he can't find any, so he grabs a crowbar and tries to carefully pry the lid open.

Unconsciously, Richard holds his breath. After all, someone had wanted to kill him the day before – was this a second murder attempt?

The specialist takes off the lid, under the watchful eyes of Richard and Graham. Still no booby-trap. Richard releases his breath. But all of a sudden, the specialist stills in his movements. Richard can't see his expression from where he's standing and because the man is wearing a mask for protection, but his stiff posture isn't a good sign. The man puts down the lid and then takes off the mask.

“Package secured,” he says, his voice shaking, still staring into the box. Then he turns to face Graham, his face as white as a sheet. “Sir, you should take a look at this.”

Richard and Graham exchange a look, then both of them enter the examination room together.

~*~

Everything goes black in front of Richard's eyes. A strong slap to his face helps him clear his view, but he still has problems to keep the bile from rising to his throat. He finds himself on the floor of the lab, the shocked face of his boss right in front of him.

“Richard! _Richard_! Heavens, get a grip, lad!” he hears Graham yell – not so much out of anger, but rather with worry in his voice. “Look at me! Boy, you're pale as a sheet! Ilja, get that man a glass of water!”

“It's okay...,” Richard squeezes out with a raspy voice. “I'm fine again.” He denies any help, pushes Graham's hand away and instead hauls himself up by pressing his body against the wall. Graham quickly grabs his arm and supports him, just in case, because Richard does look fragile and like he might fall over any moment.

But he manages to stand steadily, and he breathes in deeply to chase the nausea and dizziness away. Yet he doesn't dare inch closer to the box ever again. He doesn't trust his still-trembling knees to walk the small distance to the table; they are hardly holding him up as it is.

“We don't even know who it belongs to, Richard,” Graham says, his voice sounding strangely hollow in the lab. “As long as there's no DNA proof, it could be from, well, everyone!”

Richard looks at Graham with despair, shaking his head. His mind tries to deny what he's seen, tries to suppress reality. _'This can't be true... surely, it's a dream. One of Lee's nightmares, those he wrote down in his book. Wake up, Richard. Wake the bloody hell up!'_

Richard claws at his hair, tearing and tearing, in the fading hope that the pain would free him from this nightmare. A pained cry escapes his lips and he cannot help himself hitting the door with his fist. It's a forceful blow, and he leaves quite a dent in the wood. _'Those bastards...! Why, oh why...?!'_

Graham grabs Richard's wrists, pressing them against the wall. He wouldn't allow Richard hurting himself even more. “Come off it, for God's sakes, and calm down! Otherwise, I'll have to drag your arse out of here. Understood? I need you calm and responsible and professional. We don't have the time for jumping at conclusions, you got that?”

Richard stares at Graham, silently, but that seems to be enough for his boss to release his wrists and focus back on the box. Graham pulls on a pair of white latex gloves before reaching into it and pulling out a foot with four toes and a stump caked in blood.

“Listen to me, Richard _._ We'll examine that foot immediately – and I'm sure it's _not_ Lee's!”

“Not his?” Richard lets out a whine, wrapping his arms around his chest. “Fucking _look_ at it!”

“It's only got four toes, it's impossible that...”

“El-Sayed has cut off Lee's little toe, for fuck's sake!” Richard interrupts, yelling. “That's _exactly_ why it has to be Lee's foot because _it was the little toe of the left foot!_ ' Richard has to grab his knees for support, steadying himself, panting heavily to get rid of the dizziness that is threatening to take a hold of him again. 

Graham stares at him, incapable of finding the right words to express the compassion and sympathy he feels for his friend. Carefully, he puts the foot on the table. “There's also an envelope,” Graham whispers, “unlabelled.”

“What?” Richard straightens himself.

Graham opens it carefully and examines the content.

“What's in there?” With two large strides, Richard is next to him, hands shaking, voice trembling.

“A strand of hair,” Graham replies quietly, showing it to Richard. “Just a simple strand of hair.”

Richard again sinks to the ground, slowly. He knows that hair. The colour, the structure. He's run his hands through it so many times, has felt it tickle his skin, breathed in its scent. He stares at the ground with empty eyes until tears again cloud his view.

 


	5. Left In The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New places, new people, new challenges. And both of them are just about to break.

**Left In The Storm**

Lee is frustrated, terribly so. Why is it always _him_ who ends up in the prison cell of some crazy terrorists? Why couldn't he and Richard just simply have stayed at home in Canada and enjoy the rest of their lives in peace instead of putting themselves in danger? Sure, he has insisted on accompanying Richard to England, but if they hadn't gone in the first place, this all probably wouldn't have happened. 

Lee curses every single terror organisation out there.

The cursing helps him a lot and distracts him from his current fear. Lee tries to talk himself into thinking that everything will be fine if he just stays calm and watchful and as long as he doesn't admit what Faruk wants him to. Yes, Faruk is the name of this man, and Lee remembers him all too well. He wishes he was elsewhere, and not in Faruk's company..

_'Richard, I wish you were here. You’d protect me. You’d save me like you always do… Please, come and bring me home, Rich!'_

Lost in thoughts about his Richard, Lee startles when the sudden sound of a key opening the lock to his cell reaches his ear. A woman is pushed through the door by a big, broad-shouldered guard. With an evil grin he says, “There you go, boy. Boss is sending you a little … entertainment.” Lee catches the woman who is stumbling towards him due to the sheer force of the shove. Then the guard locks the door again, leaving Lee quite confused.

As soon as the door slams shut, the woman pushes Lee away and frees herself from his arms.

“Leave me alone!” she yells at him, protectively wrapping her arms around herself.

“Okay, okay, hey, I won't hurt you!” Lee says, rising his hands in a peaceful gesture. He sees that the woman is still glancing at him mistrustfully, so he slowly goes to the other side of the small room and sits on the floor cross-legged, putting some distance between her and him. He doesn't want to scare this woman more than he already has – besides, he is fully aware that his tallness isn't exactly something that inflicts immediate trust in other people. Especially not if the person opposite him is only a little over 5'5” tall...

She seems to be around Lee's age, maybe a bit younger. Her black hair is ruffled, her green eyes behind the cracked glasses look sad and confused. She is wearing a yellow sweater that is a little ripped on her neck – probably because of that brutal guard who had shoved her inside. Her jeans and shoes are dirty, as if she had been crawling through thicket or something similar. She seems to have been suffering the last few days.

The woman still doesn't let Lee out of her sight, but she seems to be satisfied with the distance that now lies between them.

“My name's Lee,” he tries gently. “What's yours, if I may ask?”

The woman doesn't answer.

“I'm a prisoner here – as you can probably see, and you too as it seems. Maybe we could help each other out.” He smiles at her in a hopefully friendly way. “Or at least we could talk to each other because I'm really missing a good, nice conversation with another human being. All this isolation here makes me crazy.” He forces out a little laugh.

The woman still doesn't say anything, but it seems the distrust has disappeared from her eyes. So Lee decides to keep talking. “I've been here since about two days, if my feeling for time is still correct, and I don't really know why. I was at home when someone broke into my apartment, smashed me over the head with something and brought me here... Well, I think they mistook me for somebody else. Actually, I thought there was no second person as good-looking as me, but this has proven me wrong.”

The woman giggles and Lee is glad that his little joke has cheered her up a bit. However, he is still careful not to let anything else slip, nothing more than strictly necessary. The walls might have ears, after all.

“Please, tell me your name.”

“Terina,” she says quietly.

“Nice to meet you, Terina,” Lee smiles, trying to pronounce her name correctly. “So, why are you here?”

She shrugs. “I don't know. I – just am.”

“Welcome to the Club of Unknowing Prisoners, then,” Lee says sarcastically and sees her mouth switch at his comment. “Would you tell me what happened, though?”

She nods slowly, drawing circles on the floor with her finger, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.

_'Poor thing...'_

“I... I've been on the road for about a week now. My family wanted to force me into a marriage with an old but rich business partner of my father's.” She sneers, her nose crinkling in disgust. “I hate him, and I never wanted to get married anyway – and above all, definitely not to someone I don't love. So I fled, and have been living on the streets ever since, tramping from place to place.” She clears her throat and moves about a bit, sitting cross-legged now as well, opening herself up a little more. “Then, one night, I was walking along the highway and suddenly a car stopped next to me. Some guys got out and dragged me into the car. First, they brought me into a different house, it wasn't this... and today they brought me here for some reason.” She sighs. “They said I wasn't worth anything except maybe entertaining you.” Terina looks up at him, tears clouding her eyes. “They said you could do with me whatever you wanted.”

Then, Terina starts sobbing and Lee wishes to reach out and comfort her – but he doesn't dare to touch her yet. Especially not after what she just told him. She really doesn't need any man close to her now.

“I don't know if I'm here because my family has somehow arranged this,” she continues, still sobbing, “or if it's because I was on the road alone... I was so stupid!”

Lee doesn't know what to say. It really seems the just got here by a terrible coincidence.  _'And to entertain me? These guys are sicker than I thought!'_

Terina's tears dry when Lee quietly says, “Don't worry, dear, we'll get out of here, I promise. And until then I will do my best to protect you!”

She gives him a little smile, sad but genuine, and wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. “You don't have anything to eat by any chance?” she asks, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Lee grins. He is glad she seemingly has accepted him as an ally, and he finds he starts to like her, so he gladly gives her the rest of the bread he still has.

~*~

The days pass without anything special happening. Lee and Terina are still in one cell together, they get their meals, they get some water – but other than that, nothing. No questions, no torture, no threats. They are more or less left alone, and Lee isn't quite sure whether to prefer this kind of waiting to being questioned day in, day out. On the plus side, there are no injuries, no physical ones, anyway, and he's gotten to know Terina a little bit better over the course of the last few days. Still Lee senses that Terina acts a bit shy around him, afraid even, which is only natural in this kind of situation. So he tries his best to take that fear away from her, lift some of the burden off her shoulders.

“No worries,” Lee says one afternoon, quite out of the blue. “I know you're scared about what the future will bring, but I'm a hundred percent positive that we'll be saved by someone I completely trust.”

Terina scoffs, then looks up at him. “That the same person you keep talking about?”

Sheepishly, Lee grins. “Yes. Richard.”

“Ah, the infamous Richard,” Terina giggles and leans back against the prison wall, her posture relaxing a little. “Tell me about that Richard, he seems like some marvellous guy.”

“Oh, he is,” Lee sighs, almost dreamily. “He definitely is. You should _see_ him, Terina, he's the most gorgeous man out there. Quite a sight. Sharp facial features, strikingly blue eyes and such soft hair...”

“Bet it must be hair-ruffling-competitions between the two of you at home, then.”

Lee laughs at Terina's little joke. “You're not too far from the truth there, actually. But it's not just his looks. He's so clever and smart, and so kind and caring and gentle and generous, and he's got the biggest heart I know.”

Terina smiles sadly. “Sounds like the perfect person. Glad you found him.”

“I am too.” Lee stares at the floor. “But I miss him so fucking much. What good is it to love a person but not being able to hold them?”

“Well,” Terina begins, “it gives you hope, doesn't it? Peace of mind? To know that there's someone out there who loves you and who cares about you, and who most definitely is looking for you.”

Lee rubs a hand over his face, his heart aching and yearning for Richard's gentle touch. “I used to try and dream about him, the first couple nights I was here.”

Terina scoots closer to him, putting a careful hand on his knee. “Oh, but that's a good thing to do! Keep that up!”

“I can't.” Lee looks up at her with red-rimmed eyes, voice breaking. “I haven't been able to sleep properly for a few nights now. My dream keep turning into nightmares. Either I am the one being tortured or Richard is, or even worse, Richard tries to kill me or we break up... Just yesterday night I dreamed about Richard and it started out all right.” Lee shudders at the thought of what followed. “I dreamed of him going into the bathroom to take a shower, and I followed him – of course, I always do! But then I entered and El-Sayed was sitting there, naked, smirking at me and I fucking ran.” Lee squeezes his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of the memory. “I mean, that definitely wasn't the worst dream I ever had, but... I can't relax at night, I can't dream anything nice anymore. I'm just fucking afraid to go to sleep at all.”

Terina frowns, thinking. “There might be a way I could help you,” she finally says.

Lee blinks. “How so?”

“This might sound a little weird, so please do listen til the end,” she says, clearing her throat. “Many people have prejudices regarding this but it's actually a scientific practise.”

“What is?”

“Hypnosis.”

~*~

Long fingers gently trail over Lee's skin, over his brow, down his cheeks, coming to rest on his neck. Soft lips capture Lee's in a chaste kiss, and he can finally, finally taste Richard again. Lee's own hands come up to rest on Richard's hips, he pulls him close, yearning to feel his lover pressed against him once more. They've been apart for too long now.

“I've missed you,” Richard whispers into his ear, nibbling at the sensitive shell. “So bloody much.”

Lee smiles. “I've missed you too. Just let me show you _how_ much.”

Richard giggles against Lee's shoulder. “Hey now, we just woke up.”

“Has that ever held me back?” Lee asks teasingly, rolling his hips against Richard's in a provoking way. Above him, Richard moans, his head dropping to Lee's chest.

“I suppose not,” he says, entwining their fingers and bringing them up to rest on both sides of Lee's shoulders. Lee turns his head to the right and he sees Richard's wedding band glittering in the morning sunlight. He smiles again. It had taken them so long, but now they had finally managed to tie the knot. Forever.

Richard kisses his cheek. “So, how're you feeling, Mr Pace-Armitage?” When Lee giggles, he continues. “Wedding night's over, love. Slept well?”

Suddenly, Richard's warm, velvety voice changes to a different sound. “Slept well?” Lee's eyes blink open slowly. His surroundings are blurred and only become clearer when he rubs his eyes, hard. He feels good, surprisingly – well rested, relaxed, and with a smile on his lips.

“Slept well?” Terina asks again, propped up on her elbows next to Lee's bed. “Seemed to be completely gone, I had to ask you three times before you woke up. Morning, sunshine!”

He slowly angles his head around to look at her, blinking, brow furrowed in confusion. “Yes, I slept great,” he replies, genuinely surprised. “Like a log.”

“And what about your dreams?” A smile is playing around Terina's lips, a smile Lee cannot quite place. “You smiled in your sleep. It looked like you were dreaming something nice.”

Lee huffs a laugh, head falling back into the pillow. “As a matter of fact, I did.” He folds his arms across his chest. “I dreamed about Richard.”

“Oho!” Terina says with a knowing smirk, playfully poking Lee's shoulder. “I want details.”

“You're not gonna get them,” Lee grins, and for the first time in – yeah, how long exactly? His perception of time has disappeared down here – he laughs from the bottom of his heart. Terina makes him feel good, safe even, even though they are in such a horrid situation. But she is suffering just the way he is, and she seems to understand him, what with her story and everything. He has decided to trust her, she's become a friend. And to have an ally in such a despairing situation, well, that feels good.

Terina pouts. “Pity. From what you've told me, your Richard must be someone rather attractive.”

“Oh, believe me, he is.”

“Well,” Terina says, “I told you I could give you better dreams.”

Lee frowns. “You really think it was this hypnosis thing you did?”

“Sure!” Terina nods. “You have no idea how powerful that stuff can be. That you dreamed something nice tonight was something I ordered you to when I hypnotised you.”

“Hm.” Lee rolls onto his side, facing her. “This all seems so surreal.”

Terina laughs. “I understand. I was like that, too, before I learned how to use hypnosis. You can give people a wonderful feeling with it, and the good thing is, you can't hypnotise anyone against their will or make them do stuff they don't want to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Unless they're emotionally unstable and have tendencies towards aggressive behaviour or something. Then it's easier to plant such a thought into their minds.” Terina shrugs. “But you need to continue hypnotising them for it to work properly. Rarely anyone has the time to do that.”

“Am I not emotionally unstable as well?” Lee asks, a cold grip finding its way around his heart.

But Terina laughs it off. “God, no, you're not, Jaime! You're just fine. A little sad, maybe, but not unstable at all.”

Lee sits up on his mattress, inching closer to the wall. Hypnosis had always been something he had stayed away from, and the way Terina talks isn't exactly reassuring. And that name... what did she just call him? “But my psychologist says I _am_ unstable.”

Terina waves a hand. “Eh. He's making money from you. He has to say that.”

Lee is not convinced, though. But why should she lie to him? There would be no gain for her from it. And Lee knows what he wants and what he doesn't want so he couldn't be hypnotised into doing something he doesn't want to do anyway. Right?

“I feel weird, though,” Lee says, rubbing his arm. “As if... as if there haven't only been suggestions about a dream but something else. Something in me has... has changed. I can't explain it.”

Terina goes quiet, her expression flickers for the fraction of a second, too quick for Lee to see. “That might just be because you've never experienced hypnosis before,” she explains, her voice quivering ever so slightly. Lee doesn't notice it. “But anyway, completely other thing, I think it's pretty impressive that you are still clinging to your boyfriend. You know, that he will come and rescue you, knight in shining armour and all that. I myself would've already given up.”

Lee frowns. “Why?” Richard would come and safe him, he is sure of it. Right?

Terina shrugs, toying with the seam of her trouser leg. “Well, he still isn't here, is he, and we've been here for quite a while now. There's no sign, no clue, that he _will_ arrive here eventually. Is there?”

“No, I guess not,” Lee replies, biting his lower lip. It _is_ a little weird that Richard hasn't come to his rescue yet, especially given his quick thinking back in Afghanistan where they had been captives before. But then again... “I suppose he's zero information, though. El-Sayed's men will have been careful enough not to let anything slip, not to leave any clues behind. This world's awfully big, Richard will take ages to find me.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Terina scoffs. “You said he's with the MI6, right? They have thousands of agents and I'm sure they would have found something by now if they really tried. But apparently, you're not worth anything to them. Or not enough, anyway.”

Lee's heart pounds in his chest, painfully.

“It's different in our culture. I mean, even here, in this prison. I've listened to the guards talk – they all look out for each other. When someone's in trouble here, they do everything they can to help.” She looks at Lee. “Unlike my family. Or your precious MI6 agents.”

Doubt starts spreading in Lee's body, a cold sensation that he wants to shake off but can't. Is what she's saying true? That people here trust and help each other more? That one single life matters more to them than it ever will in such a big organisation like the MI6? That Richard – and this possibility hurts the most – might not care about Lee's life at all?

“But,” Terina says, changing the subject, “I think it's quite lovely that you still have so much faith in your Richard. Maybe he will come after all. You never know until it happens, do you? And this faith and trust show me that you are just as loyal as these people here. And in love. I could give you another Richard-dream, if you like. Do you want me to hypnotise you again tonight? Have another great dream?”

Lee hesitates before answering. He certainly doesn't want another nightmare in which Richard tries to kill him. But should he dream about Richard, really? After all Terina has told him now, that he might not even come back? Should he instead dream of something nice in general, nature, animals, the like?

And should he really trust her this much? Have her play with his mind a second time? His gut feeling tells him to decline, but in the end, the yearning for a good night's sleep is too great, so he says, “Sure, why not? But... maybe nothing specifically about Richard. Just something to calm my mind, please.”

“Let's do a longer one this time,” Terina suggest, and that weird smile is back on her face. “And let's do it twice or thrice today. Two are better than one.”

Lee nods and closes his eyes, following Terina's voice once more, into the depths of his mind and body and soul, certain that he will come back to this room refreshed, with a clear head and with a good dream waiting for him this night.

~*~

Richard is sitting in the middle of the ravaged apartment he and Lee had previously shared. He can still see the outlines of the blood puddles, even though the cleaners had tried their best to get rid of them. The chairs are still lying on the ground, the broken table hasn't been cleared away either. It's just like it was the first time he was here. When Richard closes his eyes he can envision Lee in this flat, dancing around to some weird song on the radio, sneaking up on him to give him a surprise kiss on the cheek, getting dressed... but when he opens his eyes again, Lee is gone, and the bleak, sad apartment floor is staring bad at him.

Richard is suppressing a tear when his phone rings. It's Graham.

“Yes?”

“Richard, it's me. The DNA result just came in. The one we did on the hair?”

“... I was certain it wasn't a paternity test, Graham. Bloody hell, tell me the result, I don't need the fucking intro.” Richard is getting impatient now, clenching and unclenching his hand.

He can practically hear Graham rolling his eyes at him through the phone. “It's not yours, it's Lee's,” Graham says – and Richard isn't quite certain if he wants to yell at Graham for this insensitive joke, or if he should be thankful that he tries to make light of it. “Definitely Lee's hair.”

“Fuck.”

“Yes, that's what you usually do before a paternity test,” Graham counters.

And Richard snaps. “Fucking bastard,” he yells, “you insensitive twat! This is my boyfriend we're talking about here and you have nothing better to do than to mock me?”

“Hey, come on, Rich, I'm sorry. I'm trying to get you out of your lethargic behaviour. You wanted to work on this, so work on this and don't go back to the flat to bawl your eyes out. Lee wouldn't want that. We need you here, alert and furious and fucking focussed, so get off your arse and see to it that you find your boyfriend,” Graham screams back – and Richard finds this incredibly freeing.

He rubs the back of his head with a hand. “Guess I needed that. But to know that these bastards really do have Lee... and not having anything to go on...”

“I know,” Graham says calmly. “I know. The foot is not Lee's, though, that's the good news.”

Richard exhales sharply. “It's not?”

“No. It's from some John Doe, but definitely not Lee's. Just made to look like his. So we can assume that even though they have him, they are only holding him captive at the moment – and are not keen on killing him.”

“Thank the fucking Lord,” Richard breathes, letting himself fall back onto the floor so that he is lying on it now, amidst the chaos caused by the kidnappers. “But still, we don't know where exactly he is... _”_

“We do,” Graham interrupts him. “At least we've got an idea. The parcel is definitely coming from the States, that's for sure. We've got an address, we've booked a flight ticket, come collect them off Ilja. He's waiting for you at his desk.”

“Y-you want me to go over there?” Richard asks, already thinking he should go visit Lee's parents, see if they're alright.

“Sure. And I'm more than certain this is what you want as well.”

“Yes.”

Graham chuckles. “I do know you inside out, my dear friend. We'll stay in touch, keep me updated. We've got you back should any problems arise. Ticket's on your name. Go fly over, go get your man.”

“I will,” Richard says. “You can count on me.”

  
  


 


	6. Into The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traumatised, alone, helpless. Both of our boys are suffering through the same emotions, while both of them have to go through entirely different things. But their hearts break with every minute passing, with every second they are apart, with every mile between them. Richard desperately tries to find Lee, keep those he loves safe - but he fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments, you darlings!

**Into The Storm**

 

Everything is dark. Lee feels as if all his blood has left his arms because they have been tied above him for hours now. He can't move. His legs are tied to the chair he's sitting on. Even his back is fixated, keeping him in place. He doesn't know how long he's already been sitting here on this wooden chair – but it feels like an eternity.

The last thing he saw before they blindfolded him was the guards grabbing Terina, dragging her out of the cell. He could only assume what they were going to do with her, torture her most likely when judging by her screams. He can still hear them in his head, those agonizing screams of pain. And then they came for him and brought him here... wherever that is. He lost his consciousness for a moment, and then he woke up again in this position.

Terina's screams have died down. He doesn't know if this is a good sign, or if that might mean she's already dead – and he will be next.

Lee doesn't know what to feel anymore. At this point, he doesn't even care if they keep asking him questions about the CIA or whatever topic they come up with next, he doesn't care if they want to torture him. Hell, he wouldn't even care if they killed him. Actually, he'd welcome this. He just doesn't want to experience pain anymore – physically or mentally -, no more fear, no more unfulfilled hope that there might be someone, maybe even Richard, on his way to save him.

He just doesn't have any strength left in his tired, aching boy, with this tired, aching brain. Lee feels reminded of that time when they were first held captive by El-Sayed, how tired he was back then during his isolation, how close he was to giving up. It's just the same right now...

Lee hears someone with heavy boots entering the room. That person walks slowly, with a strong footfall, grunting with every step. So, from the way this person walks it's probably a man, most likely carrying a lot of weight around – muscles, Lee thinks, not fat. He hears how the man is coming closer and he can't suppress the feeling of panic, or the bile that is rising up in his throat. He doesn't know what's coming next, and this waiting, this uncertainty, is killing him.

The man starts talking. Lee can hear that, but he doesn't really listen. He just doesn't have the strength anymore – and frankly, he doesn't even care what this man has to say.

It sounds like the man is taking something into his hand, maybe knives, but at least something sharp and metallic. Technically, Lee would flinch at the sound of a blade being sharpened – but right now, he just doesn't care. His suspicion that his new acquaintance has taken up a knife is confirmed when Lee feels the tip of a blade scratching along the skin of his right arm, down, down, down, over his elbow and further along the tender side of his forearm. For a moment there he thinks the man is going to slash his wrist (and frankly, at this point, Lee wouldn't mind), but the knife disappears only to come back on Lee's left arm, following a similar trail.

In a distance, Lee can hear the muffled screams of Terina. _'She's not dead, then,'_ he thinks, a small, comforting thought – though the fact that she apparently is still being tortured doesn't help.

The knife is now being dragged across Lee's collarbones and up and around his neck, slowly and gently, tender almost, and weirdly, it leaves him with a tingling sensation. The blade travels further up, behind his ear, scratching lightly over the soft skin there – and then, a sharp pain.

The man has cut his ear, somewhere, the whole shell is burning, blazing with pain. A drop of blood lands on Lee's exposed shoulder. He doesn't care.

The knife is being put away, something else takes its place. The sound of it... it seems to be a pair of scissors. _'Ah great,'_ Lee thinks, _'first scratching my ear, now does he want to go full Van Gogh on me, cut off my ear lobe?'_ He isn't even bothered by this thought, not a care in the world. _'Let him cut it off, but let's just hope this is over soon. It's boring me.'_

The pair of scissors keep clicking open and shut as the man moves behind Lee. He grabs a couple strands of hair, cutting them off, completely at random, but nothing more happens. Sometimes he cuts them, sometimes he doesn't. Lee feels that little movement, his head being pulled back only slightly as the hairs resist the cutting for the fraction of a second before they fall, parted from their roots. Lee realises that this is a part of psychological torture as well. Not knowing when that person will cut the hair, the suspense... it might have worked on him, too. But not now. He is broken already, his mind willing to give up. So he just endures this. In silence.

The man keeps talking and laughing, but Lee still doesn't listen, the pounding of his blood in his ears is enough to drown the man out. The scissors are being put away too, and then the person walks to the other end of the room. He appears to pick up something heavy, dragging it over the wooden table. Lee doesn't know what it is, but to be honest, he is more concerned with the way his arms hurt than what this object might be.

A switch is clicked, on, off, on, off, producing a horrible, high-pitched screeching noise that makes Lee's stomach turn, and it's evident now it's a drilling machine. It's being held right next to Lee's ear. On. Off. On. Off. A jarring whirr. Silence. Whirr. Silence. It keeps going on for a couple minutes. Lee fidgets in his chair as much as possible. His ears hurt. It's turning him mad.

The drilling machine is joined by something else now, close to Lee's other ear. Another click. It's the familiar sound of a gun being cocked, ready to shoot. Whirr. Click. Whirr. Click.

Another way of torture, mock execution scenario right here. Again, if Lee's mind and resistance hadn't already been broken, this would make him give in soon. But if he's really honest with himself, he just doesn't fucking care which it's going to be. As long as he dies...

~*~

Upon Richard's arrival in the States, his mind is set on finding the address on the parcel. He is aware that it probably won't be leading him to some house or a flat, El-Sayed has probably chosen a dead drop or something similar. However, should there be someone awaiting him, Richard has come prepared, a gun tucked safely away in his jacket.

He follows the descriptions on his phone's navigational app, leading him into the heart of Oklahoma City where the address should be found. The choice of that State in particular doesn't come as a surprise to him – Lee was born here, after all. As expected, it is no private house – but rather, quite a large Cathedral, open for the public. With a scoff, Richard enters, already on the look-out for a possible hiding space. He doesn't know what he's looking for – or who, for that matter -, but he is convinced that El-Sayed must have left _something_ here for him to find. Why else would he put the address inside the parcel for the MI6 to find? El-Sayed might be weird, but also highly intelligent – he wouldn't just drop an address in there by accident.

Richard spends a couple of hours inside the Cathedral, pretending to be a curious tourist interested in religion and architecture of the St. Joseph Old Cathedral, and in the ongoing exhibit of the paintings by William Blake. Yet no matter how hard he looks, he cannot find anything. No clue, nothing. He is close to giving up when a poster stuck to the entrance door catches his eye.

“ _And Jesus Wept,”_ it says, _“is a marble statue created to commemorate the explosion of April 19, 1995, when a bomb went off at the nearby Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, and during which the roof, the organ and the East side of the church have been severely damaged. It is now placed adjacent to the Cathedral and the Oklahoma City National Memorial. Pay the statue a visit, and let its beauty capture you.”_

Normally, Richard would have ignored this poster as it yet again didn't promise any clue of any sort and thus, wouldn't bring him closer to Lee. However, the name of the statue rang a bell.  _Jesus Wept_ is – at least in the English version – a phrase famous for being the shortest verse in the King James Version of the Bible, found in John 11:35. It tells the story of Lazarus, a follower of Jesus, who is terribly ill and on his death-bed, Richard remembers. Lazarus's sisters call for Jesus, but he arrives too late, when Lazarus has already died – and thus, Jesus wept.

Richard's heart hammers in his ribcage. This might just be the connection, a clue. Richard has been called by El-Sayed's followers, yet he might arrive not in time to save Lee from his death. However, Richard also knows how this story unfolds. Jesus walks to Lazarus's tomb, and orders him to come out, resurrected. And though Richard of course does not have this godly power, he will do everything in his might to find Lee, and get him out of there, and drag him away from death's door.

Thus, he steps outside again, the sun blinding him as it shines down on the white buildings in front of him. He finds his way down the road towards the Memorial, spying the white statue of a weeping Jesus from the distance. If his assumption is correct – and Richard hopes it will be, for this is his only chance to find Lee -, there will be some sort of clue hidden around the statue. New coordinates, a picture, anything. So he begins his search anew, checking every angle of the statue and its base, until finally, _finally_ , he finds something lying atop Jesus's left hand. It's a USB flash drive, red, and Richard grabs it and puts it into his pocket quickly. This _must_ be it. It just _has to be_.

Now all he has to do is find a computer of some sort and check the content of the pen drive. And quickly. It might be a matter of life and death.

Richard quickly checks online if there is a library nearby – and he is in luck! There is one, about ten minutes away from the statue, and he rushes to get there as fast as he can. Inside, he immediately makes a bee-line for the computers, rudely shoving away a teenaged boy sitting in front of the only working one. Richard flashes his MI6-ID, grumbles something like “This is important, move, move,  _move_ ”, and the boy just stares at him with wide eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. He doesn't protest, though, probably too excited by the fact that he was just pushed away by a proper spy, and he keeps staring when Richard inserts the flash drive.

“What're you looking at?” Richard growls in his most scary voice and the boy quickly turns and flees the library. Then, finally, Richard has the computer all to himself. For a second he wonders if El-Sayed has maybe put some sort of virus on the pen drive, but the computer accepts the gadget without a problem, so Richard clicks on the little symbol and finds three objects saved on the flash drive. One photo, one video, and one document. He clicks on the document first, but the screen turns black and a green text box appears: _Enter code_. The video is encoded as well. Richard groans in frustration – with this old library computer still running on Windows XP, with WordPad being the most modern programme on there, he will never be able to decode these things. He might have to forward them to Graham, see what he can do. So he attaches them to an e-Mail, texts Graham, and asks him to decode the two things as quickly as possible and get back to him ASAP.

So he focusses on the photo he  _can_ open instead. When it opens, Richard can't identify anything on there at first. It's dark, almost pitch-black, and it's quite obviously an amateur night shot. There is some writing on the photo as well, done with some computer programme. It says,  _You can't save them all_ . Richard frowns at that – ' _Who can't I save? And why? He probably means Lee, surely, but who else? Maybe the actual content of the photo will make that clear...'_

It takes a while for Richard to adjust to the darkness – and no, there is no programme on this computer with which he could light up the photo. So he forwards it to his own phone via e-Mail, and enhances it with the image editor on his phone. As he sets the brightness to a higher level, it feels like a punch into his gut.

He knows this house.

He knows it so well, has been there several times himself.

It's the house where Lee's parents live.

~*~

“Ooof,” Terina says and lets herself fall into a chair. “I'm pretty hoarse after all this screaming I had to do.”

“You did a great job, though,” Faruk sniggers. “Didn't know you were that much of an actress. But I guess it really helped doing him in.”

“Oh yes.” Terina laughs. “Definitely.”

El-Sayed turns from where he has been looking out the window and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “So how's progress with our old friend?”

Terina tilts her head, contemplating. “Quite well, actually. Due to his whole situation, he is quite suggestible which makes him the perfect subject for my hypnosis sessions. He truly believes I want to help him and that I'm on his side.”

“All while planting evil thoughts in his already mad mind,” Faruk adds, clapping her on the shoulder. “Well done.”

“Hm.” El-Sayed raises a brow. “Does this whole hypnosis thing really work, though?”

“Of course it does!” Terina replies. “It's not just the whole magic thing happening on stage for show's sake. Technically, even a daydream is a trance, a self-induced one. Hypnosis only means to go into this really relaxed state to work with the subconscious.”

El-Sayed still doesn't seem convinced. “But telling our prisoner that he should switch sides, betray his friends, work for us? Are you sure that works?”

Terina scoffs. “With a mind as labile as his? Definitely. See, the thing is, you can't hypnotise people against their will. You can't make anyone a murderer if he or she doesn't have tendencies in that direction, suppressed or not. But since Jamie, or Lee as he calls himself now, has been working in our ranks once before, it's easy to get him back into that state.”

“Mmh. We'll see how this pans out, I guess,” El-Sayed shrugs. “And if it doesn't, I want to be the one who kills him.”

Faruk rolls his eyes. “I know, Amir, you've been going on about this for the past few weeks. Terina, how much longer do you think you'll need? A week is almost over.”

“Hm, I'm guessing one day, maybe two. After this torture session, I think his mind'll be thoroughly broken. Maybe broken beyond repair. If it isn't already.”

“Good, _good_!” Faruk claps his hands. “Great work. So we can proceed with our initial plan, get that Armitage out of the way, attack the city of London.”

“As for _that_ ,” El-Sayed interjects, “I've got my plans. Richard is already on his way here, and oh, this is fun!”

Faruk nods. “Good. See to it that he doesn't disturb us and our work here, though.”

“No worries. He'll die soon enough as well!” With a loud snigger, El-Sayed leaves the room.

Terina still sits in her chair, fiddling with the glass of water in front of her. Faruk watches her silently for a while, then takes a seat next to her, putting a gentle hand on her knee.

“Terina?”

She looks up at him.

“Are you alright?”

“What do you mean, Faruk?” She frowns.

“Being in the same cell as the man who murdered your husband Ahmed, having to deal with him all day long, having to work with his mind, pretending you're friends...” He tuts. “This must be hard on you, my little dove, you cannot deny that.”

She sighs. “I am not denying it at all, and you are right. But as I've told you before, I'll see this through. I want my revenge, it's my personal right, and no matter how hard it will be, Jaime will get what he deserves. His punishment.”

Faruk nods, leaning back. “And I am going to watch. Ahmed was my friend too, and he just went and killed him. He has gone behind all of our backs, hell, I don't even know whether Jaime or Lee is his assigned birth name. He'll suffer. No matter how long it will take. And we'll come out of this as the glorious avengers.”

~*~

Richard's throat is tight as he rings the doorbell and hears a soft _ding-dong_ echo through the house. Footsteps approach soon after, and Richard's heart hammers in his chest. The door gets opened soon after and the friendly face of Lee's mum appears. She looks surprised at first but quickly, a smile lights up her face and she pulls Richard into a tight hug.

“Richard!” she exclaims in her familiar Southern drawl. “It's so good to see you, boy!”

“Charlotte,” Richard replies, a little quieter, returning the embrace. “Pleasure's all mine.”

She pulls back and holds him away at arm's length, letting her gaze roam over him. “It's been far too long, but you still look as handsome as ever. Come in, come in, my dear boy!” And with that, she ushers him in, a gentle hand placed on the small of his back. “Jim, darling,” she yells into the general direction of the living room, “we've got a visitor!”

Lee's father pokes his head around the living room door and grins as he spies Richard. “Son, I didn't expect you!”

At that endearment, Richard feels his cheeks growing warm, still incredibly happy about the fact that the Paces have welcomed him into their lives as easy as this, calling him 'son' already as if he were one of their own children. Richard, too, loves them dearly, and it feels good to have them. It truly feels like family.

“Where's Lee, though?” Charlotte asks, and a stab of guilt and sadness rushes through Richard.

“I came alone,” he states, watching her brow furrow in confusion.

“I see that,” she replies, “but why?” Shocked, she gasps, clamping her hands over her mouth. “You two didn't break up, did you? You're not here to say good-bye?”

Richard laughs. Breaking up with Lee, that would be ridiculous. He loves that man far too much for that. “No,” he says soothingly. “We're still on cloud nine and we're not coming down for quite some time.”

“Oh, I'm glad,” Charlotte breathes, a hand resting on her chest. “I really was afraid for a second there.”

“No, it's all still brilliant, I assure you.” Richard manages a smile. “But the reason I'm here is... I need your help.”

On the way to the Pace household, Richard has thought of a convincing story he could tell. Obviously, he could not tell Lee's parents that their son had been kidnapped and was probably being tortured right this second, and he could also not say that he was there to check in on their well-being.

“I'm planning a birthday surprise for Lee,” he lies instead. “I know it's still a little time to go until the actual date in question, but I want to be prepared. I was trying to have some sort of photo book printed. About his life. So I'd need some photos of Lee when he was still a toddler, a child, a teen. Whatever you have.”

Jim grins. “Oh, we've got lots of that sort. I think you'll especially like the one of Lee being naked in the tub.”

Charlotte nods. “Absolutely. We've got tons and tons of boxes full of photos. Have a seat on the sofa, darling, I'll get you something nice to drink and Jim can go up to the attic and get the boxes.”

“I'd love that,” Richard replies. “But only if I'm not interrupting.”

“You're not interrupting at all,” Charlotte says and pats his shoulder affectionately. “You're family, boy, we love to have you. You can stay the night, too, if you'd like. We _do_ have a lot of material to sort through.”

Richard looks up at her. “That would be... amazing,” he says. Brilliant – even more time to ensure the Paces were out of danger. “My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon,” he says although it is not true. He hasn't booked a return flight at all.

“That's settled then,” Charlotte beams and hands him a glass of red wine. “Pinot Noir, that's your favourite, right?” She sits down next to him as Jim comes downstairs and places the boxes on the table.

Richard nods and takes a sip. “I'm surprised you remembered. Did I even mention that I liked Pinot?”

Charlotte winks. “Lee did. Several times.”

“Oh.” Richard's mouth goes dry despite the delicious wine. He fiddles with the glass awkwardly as he tries to suppress any thought about Lee suffering and him not being able to help.

Charlotte pats his knee. “He always goes on and on about you. Head over heels, he is.”

“Totally smitten,” Jim agrees. “Understandably so, you're a great fellow.”

Richard blushes, unable to reply.

“Speaking of Lee,” Charlotte whispers. “You must miss him terribly, don't you? Two days apart, that's not very nice, is it?”

“Longer, actually,” Richard coughs, scratching the tip of his nose. “Time zones, flight times, you know. But yes – I do miss him. More than you could imagine.”

Charlotte smiles sympathetically. “We'd better have a look at these photos, then, eh? Cheer you up a little?”

Richard drains his glass and nods, leaning forward and taking out the first batch of photos. They're from when Lee was still a baby – and how adorable he looked back there! Mind, his sunshine smiles had already existed back then, and Richard's heart melts at the sight.

“He was a cute one, wasn't he?” Charlotte asks fondly, leaning closer to Richard to get a good look at the pictures herself. “And so nice. Hardly ever cried.”

Jim scoffs. “Well, I have a different memory of that. As far as I remember, he kept us awake the whole night, always starting to scream when we were dozing off.”

“Shush you,” Charlotte giggles. “He was a baby, that's what the do.”

“True enough. Very hungry boy. Like his old man.” Jim grins. “And she's right, though. Adorable little thing. Always lookin' at you with his big green eyes. You couldn't look away, even if you wanted to.”

“I know that feeling,” Richard smiles. “His eyes are still captivating.”

Charlotte gives his shoulder a squeeze. “Whenever you two are here together, we can see you staring at him. It's lovely.”

Richard blushes, quickly taking up the next photos. Lee naked in the bathtub (he'll have to remember to ask Charlotte if he could get a copy, just to annoy Lee with it... if... he'll ever have the chance to do that), Lee at three dressed as an Indian, on his birthdays, dirtied with mud and the dogs in his arms (oh, he's always loved dogs), sitting on a horse, falling from said horse (how Jim got that shot, Richard couldn't possibly say, he just knows it looks extremely dramatic), at his graduation, on several holidays and with the family... a perfectly happy life. The biggest photo of Lee in the whole flat is the large one of Richard and Lee together, with Lee's siblings Sally and Will and Charlotte and Jim next to them. It had been taken last Christmas which they had spent in Texas. It's hanging just above the chimney, having replaced an older photo of Lee and Sally. The framed photos of the grandchildren are still sitting underneath it on the mantelpiece.

When the beautiful ancient clock in the hall chimes eleven times, Richard sets down the photos and takes up his glass again. “So,” he begins, “I haven't even asked yet – how are you two doing? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, of course, we're just fine,” Charlotte replies, grinning at him.

“Problems with the house? Burglars, something like that?” _'Smooth. Really fucking smooth, Armitage,'_ he scolds himself. He _could_ have asked this a little not-so-foward.

Charlotte frowns. “No, none – why would there be?”

“Oh, er, it's just, Lee and me have taken a liking to building things, repairing stuff, so I just wanted to offer you that... we could... fix things around the house.” Richard coughs. Fifteen years of being a spy, and this is the best he can come up with? Christ.

Charlotte still looks a little confused, but pats his knee and thanks him for that, then sends him up to Lee's old room to get some good night's sleep. He'd need it after that long flight. Richard gladly agrees, happy to know that she and her husband have been alright. He will phone Graham in the morning, though, tell him to keep an eye on their house and them, maybe have a guard at the ready. He doesn't want to take any risks anymore now.

Richard wishes Jim and Charlotte a good night and wonderful dreams, then heads up the stairs to Lee's old room. Before he reaches the bottom of the stairs, though, Charlotte calls after him, “I hope you boys come over for Thanksgiving again this year!” As Richard realises that this holiday is only two weeks further from now, and that he might not be able to rescue Lee until then, he feels a pang in his chest.

He makes his way up to Lee's old room with that ache in his heart. He's been in there once but only shortly, when Lee had given him a tour of the house when they had been here for the first time. They had slept in the big guest room with the double bed, but tonight, Richard had asked if he could maybe stay in Lee's room for the night because he missed him so much.

That was only one reason, though. Of course he missed Lee and he wanted to feel closer to him by staying in the room, but he also figured that if the Pace's house had been watched, there might be some clues in the room.

He doesn't find any, though. Defeated, Richard sits down on the bed. He still hasn't heard back from Graham, and his boss isn't answering his texts either. So all Richard can do now is – go to sleep and wait. As horrible as that sounds...

So Richard takes a shower and undresses – he had gone from Oklahoma down to Texas immediately, and it had taken him about 7 hours. He had only stopped for a quick bite at a fast food restaurant, yet he hadn't taken a shower in what felt like an eternity. He fell into the bed which was way too small for him, and he giggled at the thought of him and Lee both trying to fit in there. _'It would probably only result in both of us falling out...'_

Richard buries his head in Lee's pillow, believing that it still smelled like him a little. He lets his eyes wander over the wall above the bed, where Lee keeps some photos and drawings and badges and tickets from his youth. One particular piece of paper catches Richard's attention. It has yellowed with time, but the scrawl of a young boy can still be read: _'Lee Grinner Pace's Biggest Wish, age 10: find true love.'_ And on the right-hand corner, someone had stuck a photo of Lee and Richard, and there are some written words there, too. Richard sits up, reading them, and recognises Lee's hand. _'Found him. Lee Grinner Pace's Biggest Wish, fulfilled at the age of 33.'_

Richard's heart skips a beat, only to return aching and yearning. Reading this, realising that Lee thought of _him_ as his true love, that _he_ was the fulfilment for Lee's biggest wish, makes Richard happy and incredibly sad at the same time. They had found each other so late, and now they were apart again. Precious moments gone, never to be shared by them. And all the time they would spend afterwards – if there was ever going to be an afterwards – wouldn't make up for the lost time and the hurt and the pain. Something painful tugs at Richard's heart, he curls his fist above it and falls back onto the bed, wetting Lee's precious pillows with his tears.

~*~

The _whirr_ and _click_ of the drilling machine and the gun suddenly stop when another person enters the room. A door slams shut, the person comes in and orders to end this torture. If Lee is correct, this is Faruk's voice. His assumption is confirmed when his blindfold is taken off and he can see Faruk's face.

“Hello, Jaime.”

Lee squirms in his chair as Faruk slowly lowers his arms into a more comfortable position. They tingle and hurt as blood begins flowing again.

“I'm sorry, Jaime. This was all El-Sayed's idea. He has insisted on this because he is still quite mad at you that you killed his brother Ahmed.” Faruk looks at him with something like pity in his eyes. “And I had to agree. I mean, you needed to be punished. But this is quite enough now, I think.”

Lee grunts. “I see.” He tries his best to not show his surprise at learning that Ahmed was, in fact, the brother of El-Sayed. He would never have guessed.

“So, will you finally admit you are Jaime?” Faruk lays a gentle hand on Lee's knee, looking up at him with genuine curiosity.

“No,” Lee presses out between tight lips. “I cannot admit something that isn't true.” If he could move his hands properly right now, he would have lunged at Faruk, but the rope around his legs and torso and the numb feeling hinder him.

“Now, now,” Faruk scolds him, “no need to be like this. Listen, Jaime, I don't want this either. I don't want to torture you, and I most definitely don't want to see you killed. You were a wonderful member of our terror cell back in the day... well, that is, until that thing with Ahmed...”

Lee winces. Being reminded of that incident... it's difficult for him. He has killed someone he got close to, it's hard to come to terms with.

Faruk shakes his head. “But this shall not matter anymore. You've had your punishment – not enough sleep, not enough food, not enough water, and physical and mental pain. You have paid your dues. So, now, you can end this. You can end this torture. I only want you to admit that you _are_ Jaime, and I want you to come back. To us. To your chosen family. You've been a great member, as I said, and we need you with us again. Leak CIA info. Help us on location. The same things you've done before. Nothing less, nothing more. We just want you _back_. I even forgive you that you used to be a double-agent for the CIA. But you did the right thing. You're not with them anymore, are you?” Lee shakes his head and Faruk continues on. “Perfect. Before all of this happened, Ahmed has always talked highly of you. Always.” Faruk's expression grows distant, he smiles fondly, remembering the late Ahmed. “He would've wanted that we get along again. And maybe you can help him find his peace by working with us. With me.” Faruk squeezes his knee and smiles at him gently. “So what do you say, hm? Is Jaime O'Neill going to join us again?”

Lee contemplates this suggestion. He never had much to do with Faruk himself, he's seen him, talked to him, sure, but Ahmed was the one he was closest to. Yet he remembers that Ahmed had always spoken about Faruk in an almost adoring, worshipping way. And if this is a little gesture he can do to make his peace and apologise to Ahmed, then he doesn't see a reason why not. “Yes,” he says, looking Faruk in the eyes. “O'Neill at your service, sir.”

~*~

The next morning, Richard wakes after a night during which he hardly slept. It was more some sort of dozing, but he never fell into that deep sleep he would have needed to stay fully focussed and concentrated. But it was only natural he couldn't sleep, what with all the worry about Lee, and Graham not having called back yet.

When Richard walks downstairs, the house is quiet, so he assumes that Charlotte and Jim are still asleep. He doesn't wish to wake them, so he doesn't make himself a cup of coffee, but put on his jacket and shoes and slips into the garden. The morning air is crisp and refreshing and cool on his face hot with tears, the dew glistening on the grass. He makes his way towards the end of the garden, close to the hedge, and tries to find the spot from which the photo had been taken. Richard doesn't take long to discover it – the photographer must have stood behind the big oak in the lower left corner of the big garden, behind the vegetable bedding. Richard bends down, trying to see if he can spot some footprints, a piece of fabric, maybe a forgotten cigarette butt, but he has no such luck. Just when he is about to return to the house, his phone rings.

It's Graham.

“Morning,” Richard says, voice raspy. “What've you got?”

“Hi. Good news, we managed to decode both these things you sent me. Message turned out to be some coordinates, will text them to you, but it's in Arkansas somewhere. We haven't been able to check where exactly it is, but I've got Agent Gale working on it,” Graham replies. “We didn't have a look at the video either yet. We just managed to decode them right this minute, and I'm sending them to your phone at the moment. Have a look at them, make your way to the coordinates, we'll check this stuff out as well.”

“Will you come follow me once you found the place?” Richard inquires, eyes darting back to the house, trying to see if Charlotte or Jim are awake yet.

“Of course. We won't leave you alone in this, we'll have your back,” Graham insists. “So you're in Texas now? Shouldn't take you too long to get up to Arkansas.”

“Nah,” Richard replies. “Gotta rent a car, 7 hours ride up to Arkansas, I figure. About the same amount of time I had yesterday from Oklahoma down here. Lee's parents are fine at the moment, but could I ask a favour of you?”

“Always.”

“Keep an eye on them? Maybe have a security guy guarding their house?”

“Of course,” Graham says. “That's the least we can do.”

“One other thing, though,” Richard interrupts him. “Make it low-key. They don't need to know their son might be in danger at this very moment.”

Graham laughs. “Not attracting attention is the key definition of a spy, Richard, you needn't worry.”

“Right. Great. I'll keep track of the coordinates then, we'll be in touch?”

“Absolutely. Good luck.” And with that, Graham hangs up.

Fingers trembling a little, Richard taps Graham's name on the screen and their chat pops up. As expected, Graham has sent him both the decoded message and the decoded video. The coordinates lead, as Graham said, to some place in Arkansas -, yet he also added in a text that he wasn't sure if that data was true or yet another trap.

And then, it's time for what he feared most – the video. The thumbnail is black, Richard doesn't know what El-Sayed might have in store for him, and he really does not want to watch it – but he knows he has to. For Lee.

He clicks on  _play_ and the black screen fades into the image of a dimly-lit room. Though it is rather dark, Richard can still spy the outlines of a figure, of a man, hunched on the floor, legs bent, hugging his knees tightly to his chest.

The man is swaying back and forth, apathetically so.

It takes a while until Richard realises that it's Lee.

He clamps his hand over his mouth, suppressing a sob as Lee keeps on swaying, silently humming a so familiar tune to himself.

“ _When the moon is up_ ,” Lee sings with a raspy voice, the melody terribly distorted because of the loudspeakers on Richard's phone. “ _And the stars are out..._ ” 

It's not singing, really, it's rather like he is reciting a poem, slowly, slowly, drawing out the words, occasionally raising his voice.

This is not the Lee he knows. It's not the Lee who lights up the world with one smile. This is not even a human being anymore. This is someone whose will has been broken, someone traumatised and hurt and broken beyond repair.

Richard breaks down on the Pace's lawn, his hot tears mingling with the morning dew.

 


	7. Rain and Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard is now finally at his goal: finding Lee, and rescuing him. But will fate tear them apart again, or does he finally, finally have the chance to get his Lee back? Yet it rains outside, and water always washes away things that hid something before, and it makes the true colours appear...

**Rain and Thunder**

Richard is sitting in his car, the radio playing some music but he doesn't really listen to it. He has been driving for hours now, towards the coordinates he got from Graham. Rain splatters against the windows of his car. The images of Lee he saw in that video still haunt him, have burned themselves into his retina, and with every mile he drives, the feelings of worry, regret and fear increase steadily.

_'You have to hold on, Lee, I'm coming for you. These fucking bastards! I swear, if they dare touch you one more time... I knew I should have left you at home in Canada, you would have been safer there. I'm just too dangerous for you! As soon as you're in relative safety again, you should probably keep yourself away from me. I know you're afraid and I know you're suffering, but please stay strong just a little longer! Don't allow them to break you!'_

This mental speech to Lee hurts Richard enough as it is, knowing that the chances of ever speaking to Lee in person again are getting smaller and smaller with each passing second. He hits the gas pedal, increasing the speed, only 67 miles to go.

One hour later, he reaches Sherwood in Arkansas, he is nearly there. It's still pouring down, the rain drops engulfing the place in a grey, sad mist. Sherwood is a typical American village, Richard notices, with many bungalows lining the streets, the high trees making the place appear pleasantly quiet. There are only a few cars parked on the streets, and not many cyclists and pedestrians show themselves as Richard pulls up to Arbor Oaks Drive. He gets out of the car, locking it, palming the little knife he has taken with him before leaving the MI6. Better safe than sorry. That's always been his motto, and he is sure this knife will come in handy at one point during this mission.

Richard looks around – this village does look rather nice, with many trees and a little forest in the distance. So peaceful. In another world, Lee and he could maybe have gone here on holiday...

He shakes his head to get rid of that wishful thought, then checks the coordinates again. 34.886061, -92.242466. They seem to be linked to a house the next street down, the garden of it, as it seems, and Richard slowly makes his way towards it, carefully. He ignores the rain that is soaking his clothes.

When he turns the corner to get into the next street, he sees a sign – and stops in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he mutters to himself. “How is it even possible to have such a bad taste in jokes?” He steps closer to the sign, still not quite believing that the coordinates lead him to a house in Lee Oaks Street. Hiding _Lee_ in a street with his name is a really low blow. He feels sick. “You are such a twat, El-Sayed! I'm so looking forward to the moment when I can rip you into pieces, you bastard!” Richard's fingers curl into a fist as he forces himself to move closer to the house that is the place where the coordinates lead him, 11 Lee Oaks Street.

Richard knows it might well be a trap – it most likely is, given El-Sayed's twisted way of thinking. He is a sadist and driven only by low motives such as revenge and hate. Yet this is a reason why Richard is certain El-Sayed will trip up and make a mistake, that at one point he won't be paying full attention to what is going on – and this will be the moment when Richard will get his chance to save Lee.

He also puts his trust in Graham who knows where he is and who will be here in a couple of hours should something go wrong and Richard doesn't call him in time – like they arranged it via text before Richard drove up here.

Richard knows El-Sayed wants both him and Lee. El-Sayed wants to enjoy his revenge – for trying to take him down, for escaping, for hurting him. Maybe because of some other reason as well. So Richard expects he'll let them live long enough because he is a sadistic pig who likes to torture people before he delivers the final blow. So, if they are lucky, Richard will be able to get him and Lee out of this – or at least Graham will be there to free them. But the most important thing is that Richard will stop El-Sayed from making Lee suffer!

There are different possibilities, different outcomes, different scenarios that might all happen now, and none of these is for certain. But Richard has to risk it, whatever the result will be. There simply is no other way.

So Richard hides behind a bush and observes the house. The sun has already set, darkness is settling slowly, so he would be hard to spy in the twilight. Yet he still wants to be safe, hiding and watching closely. The house looks like all the others in this street – the whole village, really. The only difference here is that there are two guards standing in the garden. Richard squints but he can't see any weapons. He supposes that they are hidden beneath their clothes as to not draw attention to them when neighbours or other pedestrians should pass by this house.

Richard reaches for his knife. He will have to wait for the right moment. The guards seem to have established a sort of rhythm, one of them always is checking out the backside of the house while the other patrols in front. So Richard makes a mental note to wait until one of the men has disappeared around the corner so that he can kill the other guard in the front without being seen.

When the moment has come, Richard crawls from his hiding spot to the white picket fence, waits until the first guard turns his head to watch the other side, then hops over the fence and lets himself fall flat to the ground without making a sound. Quickly he sneaks up on the guard, putting a hand over his mouth to stop him from screaming and drags him into the shadows, away from the front door. With his other hand, he rams the knife into the man's throat. Only a gurgle escapes from his victim before he collapses and drops to the ground. The metallic smell of blood reaches his nose, Richard gags. Richard drags the body behind one of the bushes in the garden, now ready to turn his attention to the other guard who is still walking along behind the house.

_'Come on, mate, look away so I can attack you.'_

When the guard finally looks away, Richard uses the moment to press himself flat against the wall and in its shadow, he creeps up on the man. Just before Richard can grab him, though, the guard turns around.

_'Fuck. He's seen me.'_

Richard has to act quickly now, the guard is already fumbling for his gun, so Richard's only option is to ram the knife into the man's chest, twisting and turning, hoping it has protruded the ribs at the correct point so it would hit the heart. At the same time, he kicks the guard's knee hard, and he loses balance, stumbles, lands on his back. Richard again clasps a hand over the man's mouth, pushing the knife into him deeper, waiting until the guard finally stops wriggling.

The way is finally free.

Richard opens the back door quietly and slips into the house quickly. He finds himself standing in a dark corridor, only at the end he could see some light shining through from underneath a door. He hides behind a narrow cupboard and eavesdrops for a moment to make out how many other men are there. He hears some laughter coming from what seems to be the kitchen, but he can't make out El-Sayed's voice. And he knows _that_ bastard's voice well enough.

Suddenly, Richard can hear steps. That person seems to be walking up from the basement, the destination probably the room with the other people in it. The guard doesn't take notice of Richard standing pressed flat in a dark corner, hidden partly by the cupboard. He probably doesn't expect an intruder so he obviously doesn't pay attention. He walks into the room with his fellow colleagues, leaving the door open a bit. Richard thanks him quietly – he can understand the conversation much better now.

“Good gracious”, he says annoyed, “that American boy is singing this strange song again. I can't hear it anymore! It's getting on my fucking nerves.”

“Why didn't you just stuff his mouth, then? Preferably with a body part of his,” another one laughs.

Richard grinds his teeth and sends out a mental message to Lee, alerting him that he'll be there soon. He looks around the place, listens closely, but it seems there is no-one in the basement anymore. So, Richard sneaks downstairs and rushes through the cellar door without making any noises. The room he is now standing in is only illuminated by a weak light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Richard can see some old and dusty furniture and also a metal door, closed. 

Richard pulls out his gun with the silencer, and his phone, activating the flashlight app. With a quick move, he opens the door, quickly aiming at the darkness behind. No-one there, only three more closed doors. Richard carefully makes his way towards the first door. It's not locked so he opens it quickly, again aiming at what might lie behind. There is light, though, and he finds himself suddenly standing in front of a woman who stares at him with wide eyes. In a second he is next to her, grabs her by the neck and keeps her from screaming by waving his gun at her.

“No word or I'll shoot,” he growls.

She nods, still staring.

“Who are you?” Richard asks in a hushed voice.

“I... I'm Terina,” she stammers. “I'm... uh... held captive here. Are you going to kill me?” The last words come out as a whimper and she wraps her arms around herself protectively.

“No. No. I'm with the MI6, I don't want to hurt you. I'll bring you out of here. Just stay calm and work with me here, understood?”

She nods again.

“Right.” Richard steps closer, lowering his gun. This woman is scared as hell and looks so small and weak. “I'm looking for a man called Lee. He is a captive here, too, I assume. Do you know him? Do you know where he is?”

Something in her eyes flash at the mentioning of Lee's name. “Yes. Yes, you're right, he's a prisoner here as well. They... brought him into another room a few hours ago, though. We used to share a cell. I think it's a room at the end of the corridor. You know where the three doors are? The right one, and then just all the way down.”

Richard frowns at her. How does she know the exact location?

“That's the room we've been tortured in,” she adds. “They didn't blindfold me once, so I was able to see the way.”

“... right.” Richard exhales in relief. Lee is here! Soon he'll be saved. “We've got to get him before we escape from here. Just... stay close behind me and everything will be fine here, okay?”

She nods and clings to the clothes of Richard's back when he turn around to go to the room she told him about.

But he doesn't come far. Suddenly, he feels a piercing pain in his neck. He touches the spot... finding a syringe. He pulls it out, stares at it in disbelief, and when he looks at the woman, his vision goes a little blurry. She is now grinning at him.

“What the...,” is all he manages before he blacks out and collapses.

~*~

Richard's eyes blink open slowly, his lids still heavy, his whole body feeling numb. He has been dosed before, during the course of his agent work, but it still is a weird sensation - not to mention one that makes him angry. The audacity of some people to take it upon them to drug others to take them captive... He shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs away.

“Oh, good morning, sonny boy! I trust you slept well?”

This is the voice Richard has been dreading to hear. El-Sayed, snickering as he always does. Richard does wonder sometimes if it's El-Sayed's personal goal to come across as the villain who fulfils every cliché of any baddie ever. In response, he only grunts.

“Hm. I'll take that as a 'yes'. Too bad, really. You were so close to finding Lee, but now we've taken him away, and you're in this cell on your own.”

Richard notices he's not tied up or anything – surprising, really, after they went to all this trouble of sedating him. But then again, that dosage was enough that his muscles still won't react properly to his orders, so he probably doesn't pose a threat to El-Sayed. That train of thought brings back this woman, the one who slammed the syringe into his neck. “Who was that woman pretending to be a captive?” Richard grumbles.

“Oh, you mean Terina Hasnawi! Ah, she's just Lee's new best friend, don't worry about her!” El-Sayed pushes himself off the door frame where he was leaning against, then fully steps into the cell, wearing a broad smile. Richard half-expects him to pull up a chair, grab a cat and turn around with an evil smile, but instead, El-Sayed just flops down on the floor next to him and wraps an arm around him. Richard tries to wriggle away, but then he feels the pointy tip of a sharp knife pressed to his throat, and he stops the movement. “What do you want?” he growls.

“My, my, no need to be so... cold towards an old friend,” El-Sayed says mockingly. “I've missed you, old chap. The little talks we had. Mind, you mainly screamed while I talked, but... it _was_ conversation of some sort.”

Richard rolls his eyes. “Listen, I have no interest in talking to you whatsoever. I'm here because I want to see Lee, that's all.”

El-Sayed throws his head back and laughs. “And here I was thinking you missed  _me_ so much you had to stop by for a cup of tea. Silly me!” He laughs again, then goes all serious the moment after. “Listen, Armitage, I haven't had you brought here so you can play lovey-dovey doves with your darling little Lee. You are in our way, just as he is, and we'll clear the path soon, if you get what I'm saying.”

“You want to kill us,” Richard states, no fear whatsoever in his eyes or his voice. “Good luck with that, Amir, because you failed so spectacularly the time before.”

El-Sayed glares at him. “Well, the two of you haven't managed to get rid of me either, so we're sort of at a draw here, aren't we,  _Richie_ ?” He spits Richard's name like it was something poisonous and removes his arm. “Besides, your darling isn't on your side anymore. He's one of us now.” With a smirk, El-Sayed leans back. “You came here for nothing.”

Richard stares at him. “You're bullshitting me.”

“Oh, so you don't believe me?” El-Sayed gasps. “Well, it's no surprise to us, really. He was quite close to our boss once before after all...”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

El-Sayed looks down at his hands, cleaning his fingernails with the knife. “Oh, so Jamie hasn't said a thing, has he?”

“Who the _fuck_ is this Jamie supposed to be?” Richard asks, getting impatient now.

El-Sayed grins. “Oh, there's so much to catch up on, it seems. Wish I could stay and chat a little longer, but I've got a terror attack on London to prepare. One that you won't be able to stop. And your... 'Lee', as you know him, will be working with me.”

“What?!” Richard jumps up, towering over El-Sayed in a threatening way. However, that man still has the knife, and Richard is unarmed – they've taken his gun when they kidnapped him. So he contents himself with just looking evil and angry.

“Oh, my, did I cause trouble in paradise now? My bad!” El-Sayed sniggers and gets up. “But I'm such a kind person, as you know, so here you go, talk to your beloved.” From under his jacket, he pulls out a small tablet, a Skype call already activated. “Call him, talk to him. He's here somewhere in the building. Ask him some questions, dear, maybe he'll be in the right state to answer them. Maybe not. We _have_ been a little rough on him.” El-Sayed shrugs. “Ah, whatever. You'll die in a bit anyway. I'm graciously granting you the last wish, talking to your boo, before we blow up Buckingham Palace. Toodles!”

He turns and makes his way to the door, when Richard stops him.

“Wait. Why can't I talk to Lee in person? If you're such a nice man, you should allow this.”

El-Sayed sneers. “Sure. Have you turn him back? Nah, dear, this way you will experience first hand how it is to see someone you love suffer from a distance, and not being able to do anything about it.” And with that, he walks out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.

On Richard's tablet, the call is being answered and Lee's face appears on the screen.

~*~

“Lee! Oh my God, Lee, you're alive!” Richard hugs the tablet close to his chest, then stares at Lee who is looking at him with empty eyes. “How are you? Are you alright, well, considering the circumstances? What have they done to you? Are you in pain? Where are you, how can I get to you? We need to get out of here, do you have a plan? If not, we can think of one together. Fuck, I've been missing you so much.”

There is no reply from Lee. Heck, it doesn't even seem like he is happy to see Richard. His face looks like a mask, expressionless – and then Richard sees that woman sitting in the background.

“What's _she_ doing there?” he spits, and Lee's head snaps up, he looks at the woman, and then back at Richard.

“That's Terina,” he says, “a friend. A true friend.”

“Yeah, right, friend,” Richard sneers. He feels blood-hot rage boil in his core as he realises that this lying bitch has truly managed to fool Lee, making him think that they were friends. “She's just playing a part, and apparently very convincingly.”

Lee frowns. “What do you mean? She's my friend. She's opened my eyes. She helped me find the truth.”

“She _just fucking rammed a syringe into my neck_ , Lee!” Richard tries to argue. “You cannot, you _mustn't_ trust her!”

Lee shakes his head. “She helps me with nightmares, makes them go away, with hypnosis. She gives me sleep – something you never managed to do.”

These words feel like a punch in the gut to Richard. He  _has_ tried to help Lee sleep, and he had been singing their bloody song on this recording, too! And what was this bullshit about hypnosis? Sure, Richard knew that it worked on some people, and given Lee's fragile state of mind... but could it really change a person  _this_ much? “You're not even happy to see me,” he whispers.

Lee shrugs, another wave of hurt rolls over Richard. “As I said, she helped me discover the truth about you. That you are -” But he interrupts himself, and looks at the screen with wide eyes. “Wait, Richard, is that you?”

Confused, Richard looks at Lee. His whole voice has changed, he sounds genuinely surprised to see him there, and Richard wonders if this is some kind of side effect caused by the hypnosis. He's seen people in a trance, and waking up from that state of mind, and it feels as if the same thing happened to Lee there, for a second. “Yes,” Richard answers quietly, “it's me, love.”

“Richard,” Lee whispers, blinking slowly. It's as if he wants to say more, but something is holding him back. There is a confusion written on his face that Richard can't quite put his finger on, but it hurts him to see his Lee so … out of place.

“We need to get out of here, babe,” Richard whispers. “Tell me where you are, I'll see that I can come and get you!”

Terina shifts in the background behind Lee, maybe she has heard his words, and suddenly, something in Lee's face shifts. He shakes his head. “I don't want to leave here, Richard. I belong here, I've got my task to fulfil. I'm happy here.”

And just like that, Lee is slipping from his fingers, that precious moment of recognition broken as Lee floats back into this weird state he was in before, and Richard has lost him again. “It's over, Richard,” Lee says eventually. “We need to talk. Now.”

“About what?” Richard barks. “About that nonsense El-Sayed has been telling me, about you being called Jamie or something and working for him?”

“Not him per se,” Lee admits, “but close enough. Yes. That's the truth, and you need to know it.”

Richard scoffs. “Yes. Sure. I bet this is the stuff Terina has been telling you in her hypnosis sessions, right?”

Lee shakes his head. “No. I told you, she only helped me with my nightmares. All of what El-Sayed said – it's true. It's not just some hallucination on my part.”

“I still don't believe you,” Richard says firmly, but there is a little nagging voice in the back of his head, casting doubts over whether Lee is as innocent as Richard thinks.

“You should,” Lee insists.

Richard sighs. “But I know you, Lee, you would never be part of a terror organisation! You're too kind for this, too fair and just.”

Lee looks at the floor, avoiding the screen and thus, Richard's eyes. “You know nothing about me, Richard. Nothing at all. You _think_ you do, but all you know has been a lie. I'm not who you think I am, I'm not that good-natured, happy person who loves unconditionally. I'm not. I never will be.”

A lump forms in Richard's throat, and he swallows hard. “All of … all of this has been a lie? You mean... our relationship as well?”

Lee doesn't reply, his eyes firmly fixed on the ground – or maybe his hands, Richard can't see it that well on the screen. His voice breaking, he asks, “Have you ever,  _ever_ loved me at all, or was that just pretence?”

Lee blinks, then finally looks up at him. “It wasn't hard to fool you... you were so very much in love with me. I think I might have learned how to love you, with a little more time.” Then he averts his gaze again. What Richard cannot see or hear or feel are Lee's own doubts. What he says feels right, at least he thinks it does, but somehow, somewhere, there is a feeling he can't quite place. That maybe somehow those words aren't his own, that there  _is_ love for Richard, and much love too. But he doesn't have time to follow that thought, because on his screen, Richard clasps a hand over his mouth and lets out a guttural sob, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Richard -,” Lee begins, now certain that these words were not quite what he truly wanted to say but felt he _had_ to, but Richard's facial expression grows cold shortly after. 

The man on the screen has changed. It's not the Richard he knows, not the soft, smiling, glowing Richard he saw each morning. This is the agent who mercilessly kills people, who denies himself any emotional feelings so he can do his job properly.

“Fine then,” Richard growls. “Tell me all about your neat little show, then.” He clenches his fist, out of Lee's sight, and his heart beats fast with all the pain and anger and sadness that Lee's words have caused.

Lee rubs a hand over his face and sighs. “God, Rich, I don't even know where to begin.”

“How about at the start?” Richard suggests icily.

Lee looks at him through the monitor, his eyes huge and sad and nervous, but Richard doesn't sway. He knows he'll need to be steadfast now, he simply cannot allow himself to give in because of Lee's pleading look.

After a while, Lee starts to explain, his voice trembling. “It all happened a few years ago. About ten years ago, if I remember correctly. I was a pretty good CIA agent at that time and they had sent me to spy on a terror organisation. I was supposed to worm my way into a unit based in the States, and I managed to do so.”

“Go on,” Richard says, listening intently. Deep down, he wants to give Lee a chance to explain.

Lee sighs again. “I've only just learned that... that a member of the cell was... El-Sayed's brother.”

“What?” Richard can't wrap his head around this. Was that the reason why El-Sayed had captured Lee now?

“Yeah.” Lee laughs, but it sounds hollow. “The world's small, right?” He shakes his head as if he couldn't believe it himself. “Anyway, I spent a lot of time in that organisation. And … I learned a lot of their beliefs. And their ideals. Oh, Richard, you know how much I hate what the Americans have done to other countries!”

Richard is suspecting where Lee is going with this. He remembers Lee's rage when they had come to a ruined city in Afghanistan, one that had been bombed up by the US forces.

“I regret it. I do. But... they turned me. I became a secret member of their organisation and... _God_ , I hate myself for it now, but at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do!” Lee stares up at Richard with a desperate, haughty look.

Richard doesn't move a muscle. He cannot believe what he is hearing. A hollow feeling tugs at his chest, an ice cold hand seems to wrap around his heart.

Lee continues to speak, but he sinks down onto the ground. “I didn't tell the CIA. But I worked with the organisation, and fed the CIA wrong information. I got to know El-Sayed's brother, Ahmed, a little better. We... we became friends, in a way.”

Richard scoffs and looks away in disgust.

Lee stares at him, his eyes watering. “Don't... Richard, don't do this... don't do this to me!” When Richard doesn't reply, Lee continues to tell the story, a last attempt at convincing him that he didn't do anything wrong. “Well, one day I got the order to destroy the cell unit completely. It was months after I joined, and I had seen them operate, and I  _hated_ it. 

“I learned that their actions were just as bad as the American's – and worse. So I decided to go through with my mission. I just wasn't careful enough – oh, Richard, please, _look at me_. I'm not a bad person, just let me explain!”

Lee's voice is pleading, and Richard's chest clenches painfully. He still loves that man, the desperate, crying person that is full of regret and hate now, hugging his legs to his chest. So he angles his head to look at Lee, and the sight of him almost breaks his heart in half.

Lee presses the ball of his hand into his eyes to stop the tears from falling, and the force with which he does it must be hurting him. “Thank you,” he says, blinking at Richard.

“Keep going,” is Richard's reply, and his voice comes out cooler and more resentful than he had planned.

Lee flinches visibly. “As I said... I wasn't careful enough. I... Ahmed found out. About me. That I was a double-agent. And he threatened to tell on me, and I was frightened. Because I knew what they did with traitors. So I... so I killed him. In the dead of night, quickly and painless. I didn't want him to be a danger to me, or my mission.” Lee's voice is full of remorse.

Richard understands Lee's fear. He would have probably acted and felt the same, he supposes.

“He... before I killed him, he told me that he never truly was my friend,” Lee explains, and a terrifying smirk appears on his face. “That he wanted to use me, and he had planned to kill me in the end, anyway. And I think that was the moment when I came back to reality. Completely, I mean. When I fully understood what kind of crap the cell was doing, and I _knew_ the CIA was correct in wanting to destroy it. So I did. I destroyed it. And then I returned to the CIA.”

“Do they know of your treachery?” Richard asks.

Lee shakes his head. “No. And I thought it was better this way.” He bites his lower lip. “Somehow, deep down, I feel as if this was wrong, but some little voice in my head is telling me it was the right thing to do. And Terina and Faruk, they've opened my eyes, and I will be staying with them. I might never come back.”

“What?” Richard can't believe what he just heard. This must be a joke, right? Lee would never... or would he?

“I... I don't know what to think!” Lee sounds really desperate now, his facial expression shifts again, just like it did a couple moments before. “I miss you, I know I do, but somehow I don't. This is all just so confusing...”

Softly, Richard touches his fingers to Lee's face on the screen. Who knows what he has been through, maybe this is just a result of all the terror he has seen. “But if you miss me, then our relationship cannot possibly have been a lie.”

Lee frowns, licking his chapped lips. “That's... right. I do... love you, I suppose.”

A wave of warmth floods Richard's body at these words, he  _knew_ that wasn't Lee's true self talking back there. “Lee, focus, please. Before, that wasn't you talking. Those were only the thoughts planted into your brain with all this torturing and pretending. You don't want to work with those terrorists, we both know you never would.”

“I just don't know what to think anymore...” Suddenly, Lee appears like a little child, confused and hurt, biting his fingernails. Then suddenly, his head snaps up and he looks into Richard's eyes. “You need to help me. Get me out of here, please. This is... I don't want to be here, I just thought I did, I... I wanna go home. With you.” In that moment, Terina apparently has heard enough – in a flash, she is next to Lee, pressing some spot on his shoulder and clicking her fingers again, and before Richard can realise what she's doing, Lee's hurt facial expression shifts into a cold, distant one again.

“Lee?” Richard tries, one last attempt to get through to him, get the real Lee back. “Let's go home, just tell me where you are!”

“No.” Lee's voice is as sharp and as cold as an icicle, his gaze emotionless. “You are the enemy, and I will find you and I will kill you.”

Richard doesn't understand this sudden shift of attitude, this unexplainable hatred soaking Lee's voice. This isn't normal, something must have caused this change. “No, you won't kill me,” Richard begins, his voice cracking, “I bought the house. We wanted to grow _old_ together.” 

Lee doesn't reply for a while, just blinks at him with a blank expression on his face. “We did, didn't we?” is all he says before tapping the tablet. The connection is failing, the call ends, and Richard sees nothing but a black screen.

Yet despite all this, Richard mutters, “I won't give up, Lee, I'll come and get you no matter what.” The proposal ring burns hot against his thigh.

  
  


 


	8. The Eye of the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard in danger, London in danger, Lee in danger - time is running out.

**The Eye Of The Storm**

For a while, Richard sits on the floor without moving. He is still in shock, can't comprehend what he has just heard, and most of all, he can't understand the sudden shifts in Lee's attitude and expression – coldness, then suddenly warmth and a feeling of _his_ Lee again, and then back to cold hatred. He can't wrap his head around what just happened – but the more he thinks about it, the more he believes that Terina has something to do with this, is behind Lee's sudden changes.

The clicking of the fingers, the touching... all such small movements he never did pay much attention to, but they  _did_ change Lee's behaviour. Richard wracks his brain about the little pieces of information regarding hypnosis, because somehow this all seems to be attributed to this phenomenon, but –  _'what the hell keeps blinking there?'_

Richard turns his attention to the tablet which is still blinking, and he reaches out to grab it, when a countdown appears on screen. Bright red numbers count down from 3:00 minutes, and there is a little bit of writing next to the numbers.

_Hello dear Richard, your time is up_ , it reads,  _in just three minutes this bomb will go “boom”! If you don't manage to defuse it until then, you will go “boom”, too. And if you do manage it... well, then you'll starve to death. We've locked the cell, we're gone, and we're taking your honey-bunny with us and will take good care of him. See to it that he gets his carrots and all that. Good luck, have fun dying! With hugs and kisses, A. El-Sayed._

“What the fuck,” Richard says. “What the fuck?!”

~*~

_ 'Everything is so strange right now. This guy, Richard, from where do I know him? I know him for sure....but why and when did I meet him? He talked with me as if we were friends....maybe even more, but why? _

_ 'His face looks so familiar, but I have no memory of him. Well, at some point during the talk it felt like we had some sort of connection but... I'm not so sure anymore. It's so confusing....everything... _

_ 'He said I have to concentrate, didn't he? _

_ 'Concentrate on what? On the mission? Yes...it has to be the mission. That's everything that counts now. Terina said it's for the greater good....and the greater good can't be wrong, right? Even if I don't understand why people have to die. Maybe they are bad people?  _

_ 'I don't know. I only know that Terina knows best. She and Faruk have a plan. They surely know what to do. And I'm so thankful that they tell me what to do, because I don't know.  _

_ 'I have to trust them, then everything will be fine. _

_ 'But now I have to concentrate. It won't be easy to put a bomb in front of Buckingham Palace. Faruk explained the plan to me. He said if I did this right, I'd become a full member of his organisation. That'd be great! I need a place where I belong! I need friends....I feel so lonely right now. I wish he was here....wait, who?  _

_ 'There is someone I miss....but who is he? Where is he....I can't remember. Maybe it's better like this. Terina, Faruk and El-Sayed are my friends now. I need no other person in my life... _

_ 'Concentrate, Lee! Remember the plan! _

_ 'I'll take a car up from Constitution Hill with a bomb inside. I'll drive to the square in front of Buckingham Palace. Many tourists will be there. They'll have to die. The explosive device has to be ready. I'll need some time to get out of the car before it explodes. Faruk will stay behind, watching all this from a distance to see if I'm worthy. Terina and El-Sayed will wait for me in the street called... what was it... Clarges Street. They will pick me up with their car there. Many will die and I'll become a friend to Faruk. _

_ 'Yes, that's the plan. ' _

“Jamie?” Faruk places a gentle hand on Lee's shoulder. “You should rest now, get a little sleep. We'll need some time before we arrive in England, and you have to be ready and well-rested for the mission, don't you?”

“Yes, of course. I'll be ready,” Lee says quietly and gives Faruk a little smile. He really does feel tired all of a sudden. 

Faruk nods, satisfied. He takes a blanket and waits for Lee to settle down comfortably in his plane seat, then covers him with the duvet. Afterwards, he goes back to the cockpit to watch the stars shining gloomily outside while they're flying to the East.

~*~

Richard looks down at the tablet lying in front of him. 1:54 minutes to go…

_ 'That’s a joke, isn’t it?? It has to be a joke! The tablet can’t be a bomb – there is no explosive device! Maybe they put it in front of the door while I was drugged? And the tablet is connected with that? But what now? Maybe if I take cover in the corner of the room, I might survive this?' _

Richard’s thoughts go wild. There is no time and no possibility to open the door before the countdown finishes. He is no professional and has no idea how to defuse a bomb – but he does know that one wrong move might be fatal.

_ 'At least Graham will be able to follow El-Sayed’s trail. He’ll find Lee and save him! But Graham doesn’t know that something is wrong with Lee’s mind. He doesn’t know that this Terina person did something to Lee, did something that changed him. Damn it, I have to get out of here!' _

10 more seconds to go…

Richard tries to go as far away from the door as he could, still thinking the TNT or whatever they might have used is out there. It's not much of a distance, though, in this room of more or less three square metres in total. He crouches low and covers his head with his jacket and arms as much as he can. 

3… 2… 1…

Richard squeezes his eyes shut in anticipation of the explosion, but… nothing happens. 

Confused, he looks up. No bang, no flying stones, no ceiling that breaks down… nothing. Just silence. Richard waits a minute longer in his corner and then stands up to go to the tablet. 

“ _BOOM” -_ That’s all he can read on the tablet in bright, red letters, and beneath it, a grinning smiley.

_ 'That was, in fact… a goddamn JOKE!' _

Richard kicks the tablet through the room in his anger and curses El-Sayed loudly - and eloquently. He is simply seething with rage. He is sure that if El-Sayed stood in front of him right now, he would smash his head in with bare hands.

_ 'How is it possible to be such an annoying little shit?! I bet that even his colleagues have to hate him for his horrible, childish behaviour! I nearly pity these terrorists! How can they even bear to have him around all day long? No wonder that the half of them are just a bunch of crazy idiots! _

_ 'He really needs to be locked away. No one deserves to be around such an annoying person. Not even the most sadistic, evil human being on this planet. Jesus Christ. I think El-Sayed's read too many books or watched too many films and now aspires to be some sort of villain, but failing spectacularly. _

_ 'Calm down, Rich! Breath! In… and out!' _

Richard needs an unusually long time to calm down again. He really isn’t the type of guy who screams or curses or breaks things during a rage fit, but El-Sayed manages to make to even his blood boil. 

Suddenly, Richard hears a noise. It's not the explosion of a bomb going of – it's the sound of many people forcefully entering the building and screaming orders. 

_ 'Graham!' _

Like as to confirm his assumption, Richard hears Graham's voice yelling, “Everyone still alive who should be?” Several other people answer. Then Graham shouts again. “ARMITAGE?”

“I'm here! In the basement!” Richard screams through the door. Only a few moments later he hears how someone tries to open the door by force, the sound of a crowbar scraping against wood and someone ramming his shoulder into the door.

Clearly, the latter works best because as soon as Richard has taken a step back as to not get hit by the door or some splinters, the door breaks open with a loud noise and Graham steps in, standing before Richard with a wide grin. “Good to see you, mate, how are you?”

That Graham can be so cheerful in a situation like this is something that has always baffled Richard. He feels relieved now that Graham is here, but he doesn't have the time to express the sentiment. So instead, he briefly squeezes Graham's shoulder as a thank-you while stepping out of the cell and quickly briefing him on everything that had happened.

“We have to follow their track, they still have Lee and it seems like they have drugged him or whatever because he didn’t behave normal when we spoke,” Richard finishes his explanation. “Do you know a woman called Terina Hasnawi who has a relation to Black Fall? She seems to be behind all this.”

“I’ll pass it on to Agent Gale. He’ll do the research,” Graham says, already taking out his phone to scroll through his contacts and call that agent.

“Good. But there is something else. This stupid bonehead El-Sayed told me about his plan. They want to blow up Buckingham Palace. We have to be ready so that we can stop them once and for all!” Richard adds.

“No worries, we will be so well prepared that even the Chinese army would have trouble closing in on Buckingham Palace!” Graham says and winks. “And now let's get into the car and back home.”

Richard nods satisfied, he fully trusts Graham in that concern. In walking, he expresses another thought of his. “I fear they want to use Lee for the attack. If we don’t manage to stop them before it takes place, your men have to know that they must not kill him!. Under no circumstances!”

“Of course!” Graham agrees. “We’ll wait for them and keep our eyes open. They won’t escape again. I promise.”

Richard and Graham leave the house. The whole area is now full of agents armed to the teeth and suddenly Richard feels more hopeful than before. With this amount of support they’d definitely be able to stop these terrorists and free Lee. 

“So back to London then!” Richard says with a grim face. He really is about to lose his patience and that’s absolutely no good sign for any terrorist.

~*~

Richard gets into Graham's car with which he had arrived at his former prison. They speedily drive up North to an airport which Graham had used to get here. “I've already spoken to the personnel there. When they saw my badge, they were most cooperative,” he says. “We'll get one of the fastest private jets they have, should be in London in about ten hours, maybe less, if we're lucky.”

Richard groans, letting his head drop against the headrest of the passenger seat. “That long...?”

Graham sighs. “I know. But I can't make the ocean shrink or the planes go on Warp speed. It's the best option we have.”

“Yeah, but they already have had a substantial head start. For all we know, they could be anywhere by now.”

Graham tuts. “I don't think so. How long were you in there before I rescued you? How long did we talk? I'm guessing they went to some airport as well and sure, while they are up in the clouds somewhere now, they are not that much further ahead of us. They don't go at Warp speed either!”

Richard turns his head to look at Graham. “Hey, but if they have taken a plane or something, couldn't we just call the MI6, have them patrol each airport?”

“Wish it were that easy... They could land anywhere. They could've taken a fucking helicopter into another state, get a private jet, land somewhere in Scotland or in the middle of nowhere and then take a car down to London. We have no clues to go on – and you know the law. No police forces until substantial evidence, it's too expensive, waste of resources, yadda yadda yadda.” Graham shakes his head.

Richard scoffs. “Yeah. Brilliant. There we are, told to protect the nation, but we can't.”

“Nobody's perfect,” Graham counters, pulling up in front of the airport. They get out quickly and run into the big hall. Graham leads the way, knows exactly which people to talk to, and only 15 minutes later, they are sitting in a comfortable private jet, ready to take off. 

As soon as Richard sinks into the soft seat, he falls asleep, completely exhausted.

Graham looks at him, worried. Richard has been through so much, yet he is – understandably – tired and almost can't hold himself up straight any longer. He knows that Richard wants to be there when they stop the attack, but Graham isn't so sure that would be the optimal solution. He decides it would be best if he stayed at home, get some rest – because if Richard would break down due to weakness or exhaustion during the mission, there would be more damage done than stopped. 

In ten hours' time they will land. Then they will have to organise a team, set out for an observation of Buckingham Palace and the surrounding areas. Who knows how long it will take for them to strike? They need to be prepared, ready to operate at any given second. 

Graham looks out of the plane's window, watching the stars fly by as they ascend. _'Soon.'_

~*~

Lee's hands tremble as they touch the steering wheel. In only a few moments, he will fire a bomb. He will have to make his escape at the right time, see to it that he receives no injury. He will have to disappear in the masses, like he has been trained to. Be a ghost. Go unnoticed. He will have to get to his friends who are waiting in a car. Lee goes through the whole plan in his mind again. He doesn't want to go wrong here. Not now. Not when everything depends on him.

Three days have passed since they arrived here in London by car. They had disappeared for a while, prepared everything, waited for the right moment. And today seemed like the perfect day. Sun shines make the city glisten and gleam, many tourists are out and about. Just perfect. Lee takes a deep breath. It's all or nothing now.

He drives up Constitution Hill, positioned between two other black cars that look just like his. All the windows are tinted dark, no-one looking in from the outside can see who is sitting in there. The tourists will probably think it's some sort of convoy, maybe some ambassadors even though there is no flag on the car. But they definitely will think it's someone important belonging to Buckingham Palace. No-one will suspect a thing.

The car in front of him speeds up a little. Lee presses his foot down on the gas pedal for a second, changing gear. His heart starts beating faster too. He unfastens his seatbelt, fumbling for the detonator that will start a countdown of thirty seconds – hopefully enough for him to get out of the car and into a safe area.

He is almost in front of Buckingham Palace now when he hears a hissing sound. The car starts to slide uncontrollably, there is the shrieking noise of metal hitting asphalt – and Lee knows one of his tires has been shot. The car is driving towards the fence and Lee can't turn its direction, no matter how hard he operates on the steering wheel.

He cannot detonate the bomb now. He is too busy trying to get a grip on the steering wheel, trying to hold himself in an upright position, trying to get the car under control.

Another tire gets shot.

And from then on, everything goes downhill.

~*~

Something has gone horribly wrong. There has been no explosion - and where Terina and El-Sayed are currently waiting in a car, they would have felt it. Somehow, Lee hasn't been able to fire it. The microphone he is carrying has sent no explosion sounds to them, only screams and some shots fired. Now all he can hear is Lee running and panting hard.

“Someone must have been there and stopped this whole thing,” Terina breathes.

“Yes, sounds like it. Police, maybe. MI5. MI6, even. But how...? How could they know...? I haven't told anyone about our plan.”

“Are you sure, Amir?” Terina asks.

“Yes, absolutely. I haven't told anyone... except... oh _fuck_.” His eyes widen with panic as he realises he has made a mistake. “Richard Armitage,” he grumbles under his breath, vowing he'll get him next time – for good.

 


	9. When The Storm Has Swept By, The Wicked Are Gone, But The Righteous Stand Firm Forever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the suffering, the fighting, the shattered hopes and tears shed in pain, have led to this moment. Will this nightmare end the way it should, or will nothing stay the same? Facing each other at the showdown, Richard and Lee both realise that this might just be the end.

**When The Storm Has Swept By, The Wicked Are Gone, But The Righteous Stand Firm Forever.**

 

Still reassuring himself he'll get his revenge on this MI6 agent Armitage, El-Sayed barely notices that his phone is ringing. He picks it up. “Yes?”

“Amir El-Sayed.” The heavy-breathing voice belongs to Faruk – and he sounds very, very angry. “Answer me _one_. Single. Question.” He emphasises every word, and that is never a good sign. “How – and I repeat, _how –_ is it possible that Richard Crispin Armitage, consultant and agent of the organisation MI6, former captive of _yours_ , is still _fucking alive?!_ ”

“I-”

“You  _ promised _ me he was as good as dead when you left him without killing him,” Faruk shouts. El-Sayed fears he might actually jump through his mobile to strangle him right then, right there. “You  _ said _ he wasn't going to get in our way.”

“Well -”

“And guess what Armitage did? He  _ got in our way! _ ”

“Faruk, please, I -”

“Stop with the fucking begging, El-Sayed, this is not acceptable anymore!” Faruk is still shouting at him. “This whole thing,  _ you _ have been a total fuck-up. Everything you did, everything you had 'planned out' went wrong.”

El-Sayed scoffs. “Yeah, well, just because I accidentally told him about Buckingham Palace -”

“It was NOT. JUST. THAT!” Faruk groans. “First of all, you managed to attract the attention of the MI6 back when you were still running your own little terror cell because you're incompetent and an idiot. Remember? Secondly, you decided to torture him – and  _ not  _ kill him – and thus made him a very angry man.  _ Then  _ you tortured his boyfriend, making Armitage even more angry. Then you let it happen that both of them  _ escaped _ , from  _ your prison.  _ Afterwards you tried to catch them but again, didn't manage that either. You also didn't manage to kill them but instead, they shot  _ you _ . You wounded the boyfriend, thus making the MI6 agent even more angry.”

El-Sayed winces. “Faruk, this is enough, I -”

“I am not done yet,” Faruk replies with a booming voice. “ _ Then  _ you came crawling to me, pleading I help you get your revenge. 'Fine,' I said, since I'm such a nice person, and you screwed up again. One of your henchmen called Armitage and you once again managed to get their attention. Furthermore, you decided to only kidnap the boyfriend, and guess what happened? MI6 agent got angry. Then MI6 agent decided to follow your trail which you have laid out for him so perfectly, you weaselheaded flesh bag.”

“But-”

“No buts, for fuck's sake, El-Sayed!” Faruk interrupts him. “Then you captured both of them – granted, the boyfriend with our permission -, and I have to give you that you tried to kill the MI6 agent. But not with a fucking pathetic bomb that doesn't even explode! And before, you even told him about our plans! Your intelligence is as short as a match, you idiot! So MI6 agent lives to fight another day, escapes, is pissed off, and again follows our trail to get his boyfriend back. His dedication is impressive, I'd like to see  _ you _ with such a work ethic, you fool. And not only does Armitage follow us, no, he also drags the whole MI6 with him to stop the Buckingham Palace attack.” Faruk sighs. “Now, Amir, could you  _ please  _ just fucking kill him already?”

“I've been wanting to do this ever since I -”

“Then bloody do it already!” Faruk yells and disconnects the call.

“Go fuck yourself,” El-Sayed mutters. Now all he can do is wait for Lee. He's got an idea, and this time, he'll make Faruk proud.

~*~

Lee is running as fast as his legs carry him. The second he realised his tires had been shot, and that there was no chance he would ever be able to actually fire that bomb, he jumped out of the driving car which crashed into the fence surrounding Buckingham Palace. He rolled over the hard ground, scratching his arms and face, then got up and quickly mingled with the shocked tourists standing around the Victoria Memorial. Hidden behind them, he quickly made his way over to St. James's Park, running over the meadows and trying to zigzag his way through all the people there. He is aware of the fact that there are probably some people from the SCO19 running after him, trying to catch him, he's seen them round the Memorial when he arrived in the car. 

He hops over a hedge, continuing into Clarges Street, where he knows El-Sayed and Terina will be waiting for him.

His legs ache and with every breath he takes, his lungs burn up. Sweat is running from his brow into his eyes, and he won't be able to go on for much longer. His heart is hammering as he realises that he hasn't fulfilled the mission like Faruk wanted him to. What would happen to him now?

In the distance, he sees a black car, its headlights turn on for the fraction of a second – the signal! He gathers all his strength for a last sprint and rushes to the car. He can already hear it being started and he flings the door open and lets himself fall into the back seats when the car takes off. Panting, he looks outside the rear windshield. No armed SCO19 people there. Maybe they haven't followed him after all. He's safe. At least for now.

“What the fuck went wrong?” El-Sayed barks at him from behind the steering wheel.

“I don't know... suddenly, there were police men and members of the SCO19 and MI6 agents everywhere! They shot my tire, I couldn't do anything! I had to flee before I could start the bomb, otherwise they would have caught me. They have been warned, I think...” Lee stares at the ground, guilt washing over him.

El-Sayed grinds his teeth. “Bullshit. You just fucked this up! It would have been better had you stayed there and died with the bomb instead of fleeing like a coward.”

“He's right, El-Sayed,” Terina interrupts. “It was right of you to do this, Jaime. We need you alive. Also, they couldn't have known this unless there was someone who told them.”

El-Sayed grips the steering wheel tighter. Under no circumstances is he going to admit that he told the MI6 agent – and he obviously isn't dead. The bomb, sure, that was meant to be a funny little joke, but he did think Armitage wouldn't manage to escape. Somehow, though, fate seems to not be on his side. “The thing is,” El-Sayed says, “we need to get this Armitage for good. He's been in our way often enough.”

“Does... does this mean you'll kill him?” Lee asks. Something about that idea doesn't feel right to him.

“Of course. Do you have any idea where we could find him? Wait for him, then shoot him?”

Lee looks at Terina. “I don't know this Armitage person,” he says. “I just know he is my enemy.”

“It's okay, Jaime,” Terina says with a soothing voice. “You have known him before he betrayed you. Think about it a little, the memory will come to you.”

Lee rubs his temples. “I... I think there is this house he rather fancies. The house where he grew up in. I know he bought it, he told me so back in the States.”

“Oh, I was there, I heard it too!” Terina exclaims. “I just didn't know it was his childhood home.”

“Great!” El-Sayed drums on the steering wheel with his fingers. “We'll lure him there, bomb him up. And then you, Jaime, can use this chance to show us that you actually  _ are  _ able to fire a bomb.”

~*~

“These goddamn secret agent abilities Lee has,” Richard yells and earns a frustrated look from Graham. They are standing on top of a building near Buckingham Palace and had observed the whole scene. Graham had insisted to stay in the background. He didn’t want Richard to get between the fronts. And as much as Richard had wished to be down there and to catch Lee – even if this would have meant to punch him unconscious and carry him home – Graham is still his boss. And to be honest, Richard had overstrained Graham's authority more than enough already. He could count himself lucky that Graham was there every step of the way, supporting him. What he had done for him really was borderline close to Graham overstepping his boundary, his power – and Richard can’t expect Graham to cross the line and to risk his job.

“How can it be that a 6'7 tall guy simply disappears in a crowd when several dozen agents have the order to observe him!?” Richard continues. “This is just not possible!”

Graham shakes his head due to the lack of an explanation. “All these people were in panic. That made it easy enough to disappear. Besides, you shouldn't forget he's a trained agent too. He knows how to make himself invisible.”

Richard _harrumph_ s unsatisfied. He lost him – again! And now they have to find a new trail or a new sign of him to follow him further – and given that Lee managed to disappear so easily, this would prove to be quite the challenge, he is sure of it.

“But at least Buckingham Palace is save now! We prevented a catastrophe, and that's the good news,” Graham says, but Richard can’t bring himself to agree. Sure, they prevented a terror attack on London, but for Richard, the catastrophe still happened – Lee is gone.

Suddenly, he hears his phone ring. He nearly expects a call from an annoying advertising agency to make this horrible day complete. “Yes?” he says, impatient.

“Richard?”

Richard nearly drops his mobile phone when he hears Lee’s voice. “Lee?! Lee, tell me where you are!”

Richard hears a cackle on the other side and then another voice – a more than hated voice.

“You want him?”, El-Sayed asks. “Then come and get him. Milton Street. And come alone, or everything you’ll find of your precious little darling is a bloody mess!”

Before Richard can answer, El-Sayed hangs up. Richard needs a moment to get over what he just heard. 

Lee is still alive, El-Sayed is with him and they’re in Milton Street, where his childhood house is. Lee must have told them about the house. El-Sayed wouldn’t take the chance of joking around here – he wants Richard in front of him for one final meeting. He must be terribly annoyed that Richard still lives and didn't die in his little cell in the States, and also mad at the fact that the terror attack didn’t work like he had planned. This will be the last chance to end this nightmare, Richard's final opportunity to get Lee back. He assumes Lee is meant to be some sort of lure for Richard so he'll go and meet El-Sayed – and eventually, his doom. So he needs to go, find Lee, and cannot allow himself to make another mistake.

“What was that about?”, Graham asks confused, shocked by Richard’s grim face. “Was that really Lee?”

“I have to go,” Richard says, already making his way to the door of the rooftop.

“What? Wait a minute!” Graham stops him by grabbing his arm. “Where are you going? And why?””

Richard stops for a moment and turns around. “Listen, I don’t know what will happen, but I have to do this alone. That’s important, Graham!”

Graham frowns, but nods slowly. “Alright, but I can help you still. Stay in the background, down low -”

“No, not this time,” Richard says. “Thanks. But I have to do this on my own. Goodbye, my friend,” Richard says and runs downstairs to find a car.

Graham looks after him with a small smile. Little does Richard know that when Graham grabbed his arm, he put a tracking device on his clothes. Graham had the suspicion Richard might run off into the blue without wanting any help ever since he heard him scream Lee's name during that phone call. He'll follow Richard in a while, put some distance between them. But he will be there should anything go wrong.

~*~

It's getting darker when Richard arrives in Milton Street. This time of the year, night falls quickly, and while it is quite useful when Richard has to do some sneaking – like back in the USA –, it's not quite that practical when he is called somewhere to rescue someone while there could be dozens of guns pointed at him by now. The street lights offer a little light, though, and Richard walks on carefully. 

He listens to every sound – a rustling leaf beneath his shoes, the slamming of a door somewhere down the street, an ambulance passing by. For London, this is an incredibly quiet evening. All the better for Richard, though, for he can now concentrate on any suspicious noise that might give El-Sayed or one of his men away. 

Richard reaches the house without any incident. No-one has tried to shoot him, he hasn't been attacked either. Carefully, he takes a look around the house as much as is possible, then presses himself flat against the wall next to the door. Gun and flashlight at the ready, he pushes open the door slowly with his right hand, waiting a moment before entering, holding the gun in his outstretched arms, ready to shoot. 

No-one there.

The house is awfully quiet as well. Too quiet for his liking. Someone must be hiding here – or maybe, this is a trap once again. Richard doesn't like that one last bit. He would have preferred an open fight, not this air of uncertainty and gloom that seems to ooze out of ever corner in this house.

Seeing your opponent is a crucial thing in his job, knowing where they are, watching their every move, trying to calculate their next step. But in a situation like this, technically everything is possible. For all richard knows, he could be stepping on a mine anytime soon, or miss a loose board in the ground, misstep, and fall to the ground into a hole they might have dug. He could accidentally trigger an automatic gun – maybe by stumbling over a thin thread that someone has placed just inches above the ground that, when pulled, will trigger a gun to go off and shoot him.

He doesn't know what will be awaiting him here, so he carefully sneaks through every room, always on the lookout for potential traps or someone hiding in the shadows.

It feels weird, walking through the house Richard has grown up in, filled with fear. He remembers that as a young boy, he used to be afraid in the dark and he always ran for his room when the lights went out. This time, though, he cannot allow himself to run upstairs. Now he has to confront his fear. 

He searches the living room first for it is the biggest room with many possible hiding spots. Briefly he wonders, if El-Sayed and Lee are here or if they aren't, or if they have told someone else of their henchmen to wait here for him. But then again, El-Sayed wants to see Richard suffer, so why would he lie about Lee being here? Sure, he could just have turned on a laptop and shown him a surveillance video of Lee somewhere else but here, and then El-Sayed could have had Richard assassinated. But knowing this man, this vile, childish person led only by urges, this doesn't seem all too possible.

Richard has the feeling that El-Sayed wishes to do it “the right way” now. He doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, and if he wants to see Richard suffer, he will do so on his very own. He might kill Lee in front of Richard, slowly, making sure Richard watches every move, then kill Richard afterwards. He might order Lee to murder Richard – and sadly, with his current state of mind, Richard wouldn't put it past him. There are so many possibilities, and Richard dislikes all of them. 

He still wonders what El-Sayed might have in store when he checks the kitchen – but again, everything is quiet here. The entire ground floor is calm, empty, except for him. His footsteps echo eerily off the walls, and Richard can't suppress a shudder running through his body. He doesn't feel alright here, even though he used to love this house. Something is off. 

Richard makes his way towards the staircase, carefully taking one step after the other. He makes sure to avoid the creaking third step as to not alarm any person that might be in the building. He tries taking two or even three steps at a time – underneath each could an explosive device be hidden, so he tries to step on as little ground as possible.

When he reaches the upstairs landing, he stops for a moment and just listens. There is a soft buzz, barely audible, but Richard recognises it to be a light bulb turned on. He can't see any light emerging from underneath the heavy oak doors, though. It's a wild guess where they might be.

_'So someone_ must  _be here,'_ he concludes,  _'or else they wouldn't have turned on the light. They also know I am here – when I looked from outside, no light had been turned on. That means someone has been watching me – and turned on the light accordingly.'_

Richard can't quite decide if he likes it better that there  _is_ someone in the house, or if he would prefer being alone. There's ups and downs to each of these options. But given that there is someone here, the chances of Lee being in this house as well are rather high. And he is doing all of this for Lee.

So he marches on.

He listens again, the humming seems to come form the chamber his parents used as their bedroom back in the day. But Richard decides to check the other rooms as well – there might be someone hidden there, after all. But the bathroom and his former room are empty. That leaves only the bedroom. 

Richard steps closer to the bedroom door which is shut. Directly in front of it he stops and listens one for moment. He still hears nothing – no movement, no voices, yet his gut tells him that there is somebody in that room, waiting for him. Richard takes a deep breath and cocks his gun, ready to defend himself. Then he kicks the door open and aims at the empty room. A person stands by the window on the opposite side of the door. Richard aims for them, but stops abruptly – it's Terina!

Before he can finish this thought he detects a quick movement from the corner of his eyes. Another person rams into Richard's side, hard, and brings him to fall. In milliseconds, Richard recognises Lee.

Time seems to stand still for one moment. A moment in which he sees Lee's face, a face so familiar and yet so strange. He doesn't know this expression on Lee, this hatred and anger and determination. He hates how it looks on him. Richard wishes for his old Lee, the kind and gentle one, always a smile on his lips, even when he didn't feel like smiling at all.

The fall nearly causes Richard to lose his weapon, but he manages to grab it firmly and rolls himself on his back to keep an eye on Lee, watch his every move. But before he can reason with him, before he can even attempt to talk to Lee, Lee is on him and starts to hit him in the face.

Richard tries to hit Lee with the gun, somewhere in the sides or on his arms – he really doesn't want to hurt him, just make him get _off_ him -, but Lee catches his wrist and slams it on the ground to make Richard loosen his grip around the gun. The gun fires two shots but they only hit the ceiling and the wall. With the other hand, Lee tries to reach Richards throat and to strangle him.

For one moment Richard can look directly into Lee’s eyes and everything he sees is hate and the pure wish to murder him. That is not the Lee he knows and loves – that is a stranger in the body of his lover and he needs to punch this stranger out of his Lee and he has to do it now. No matter what. No matter how much this will hurt Richard. 

„Kill him, Jamie! Kill him with your own hands!“ Richard hears Terina yell in their direction. This bloody woman again! As long as she is here Richard won’t have any chance to free Lee from this hypnotic trance. And he _needs_ to get him out of it, and soon.

Lee’s tight grip around Richard’s neck grows stronger and Richard’s breathing is getting shorter. He feels every single one of Lee's fingertips – fingertips that used to caress him, toy with his hair, give him a massage on bad days. And though it pains him to do this, he bends his leg and manages to kick Lee’s foot away to bring him out of balance. For one second, Lee loses his hold and Richard can punch him in the jaw, pushing him to the side. Lee lands on the ground with a _thud_ and a cry of pain.

Richard and Lee get back on their legs at the same time, and Lee smashes himself against Richard again. He grunts. They both wrestle around, legs moving fast, feet trying to get a hold on the ground, and both manage to land some punches on the other. Even though Lee is a little taller than Richard, they both have equal strength. Neither gives way. 

Lee gets furiouser with every punch, he's an animal now, and Richard fully knows that this fight is about life and death for Lee. If Lee doesn't succeed in killing him, Terina will probably do something on her own – and then kill Lee as a punishment. 

Richard tries to aim for sensitive spots, the kidneys or the solar plexus or that one spot on the back where the medial angle of the scapula meets the thorax. His goal is to knock Lee out. And for that, he has to keep hurting Lee, even though every punch he lands on Lee, hurts Richard himself. But if they both want to get out of this alive, he has to do this. Not just for his own safety, but for Lee's as well. 

Should Lee black out, Richard could shoot Terina, and he could grab Lee and escape with him. The power of hypnosis would eventually wear off, and they'd be able to get their lives back on track – with professional help of course. But as long as Lee is still fighting strong, that option isn't a possibility.

They keep fighting, almost dancing around on the floor. Slowly Richard feels his arms getting weaker, his sore muscles aching due to the strain they are being put through. But he clenches his teeth, gathering all his strength to defend himself against... his lover. 

Lee keeps pushing and pushing and pushing him, they tumble out of the bedroom door and are fighting close to the stairs now. Lee almost manages to grab a hold of Richard and throw him down the steps, but one well-aimed kick to Lee's gut brings some distance between the two so Richard can catch his balance and stand upright again. 

He just needs one moment. One single opportunity where he can land a final finishing blow on Lee to make him faint – but Lee is strong. Stronger than he would have admitted himself, Richard realises. 

They stumble into another room and Lee lands two punches to Richard's temples, which makes him feel dizzy and sick and causes his heart to beat even faster, and Lee uses this moment to smash Richard against the wall and grab his throat again – tighter this time. Much tighter. Richard gasps for air, his head crashing painfully against the wall. His muscles tense up then relax in a matter of seconds, involuntarily, and he drops his gun to the floor. He tries to ignore the pain and the dizziness, instead bringing his hands up to Lee's wrists, trying to loosen their grip. Lee has assumed a very good position, though, to both press him against the wall and strangle him. 

The determination in his face tells Richard that Lee won't be giving in any time soon. 

Richard can't breathe. He gulps in air desperately, wheezing with every bit of oxygen that does reach his lungs. With one powerful punch he lets his arms come crushing down on Lee's wrists to make them buckle. He uses that moment to slam his forehead into Lee's face. He hears something crack, hopes that nothing is broken, and Lee staggers back a little due to the force, letting go of Richard's throat. 

Richard pushes him away even further, kicking Lee's knees, fully aware of that being a very weak spot for Lee due to the fact that the tendons had been halfway cut by one of El-Sayed's men ages ago.

Lee screams in pain and finally falls to the ground, and Richard uses this opportunity to get his weapon back and aim at Lee.

“Don't move, Lee,” he screams, panting heavily. He can still feel his grip around his throat, and he sucks in air greedily.

Lee is lying on the ground, staring up at Richard with hateful eyes. He sneers. Richard's hands are trembling, but now , at gun point, Lee has no other choice than to do what he says. 

_ 'Good that he thinks I want to kill him, too. It makes him obedient, somewhat at least.'  _ Even though Richard decides he would never kill Lee, there is a nagging voice in the back of his mind, asking if – should the need arise – he really wouldn't kill Lee to save his own life? Richard has no answer for that. He doesn't even want to think about it.

“Stand up. Slowly,” Richard orders.

Lee glances at him angrily but does as told. He squeezes his eyes and lips together in pain when he comes to stand on his week knee, but Richard has to ignore this. 

“Go back. Back to this woman!” Richard bellows, nodding into Terina's direction, and Lee follows suit. Terina is standing in the corridor, she had been following their fight from a distance, but now Richard can have an eye on her, too. When she realises what just happened, her eyes widen and she raises her hands into the air slowly.

Richard forces both of them back into the bedroom.

“Stand with your back to the wall and show me your hands. Both of you!” he yells. He stands a few feet away from them, now able to aim precisely. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“So... Terina, isn't it?” Richard asks, spitting out her name, turning the gun to her. “I know about your hypnotic magic tricks, so now fucking bring Lee back to his senses.”

“No.”

“What?!” The audacity of that woman, denying to follow his order with a gun aimed at her head.

“I will not do it,” Terina says calmly, collected.

“You better, or I'll shoot you.” Richard's finger trembles only slightly as he slides it down to the trigger. “I don't have a problem with that.”

Terina sneers.

Lee moves a little but Richard glances at him with a grim stare. He is serious about this. Lee stills.

“Listen man,” he speaks up, “let the woman go. She didn't do anything.” 

“You shut your mouth, Lee. Stop protecting her. I'm trying to save you!” Richard replies.

“No, Jaime,” Terina says calmly, her voice deeper than before. “He wants to arrest us and stop us from fulfilling our mission. Don't listen to him. He's the enemy, remember?”

“Damn it, don't fucking call him Jaime!” Richard hisses. “Lee, I love you! This woman only uses you and manipulates you and your mind. She belongs to El-Sayed, the bloody terrorist who tortured you back in Afghanistan, don't you remember?!” _Don't you remember our time together?_ Richard wishes to ask but doesn't.

Lee frowns. _'I sense he is telling the truth, but... I cannot accept it. This surely is some kind of ploy! I must stick to what my friends told me.'_ So he say, “No. You're lying. El-Sayed is my friend, he'd never hurt me.” Terina nods at him in an appreciating kind of way.

Richard is getting more than angry now. This fucking woman holds so much power and control over Lee, it's insane. He still can't distinguish between a friend and an enemy.

“Listen, Lee,” he tries again. “Please try to focus. Have you forgotten our lives? Have you forgotten how we met, fell in love, how we built a home in Canada?”

Lee doesn't react and Richard's voice grows more desperate. 

“I took you to London because this fucking terror organisation came back, and I wanted to stop them once and for all. But then they kidnapped you...” As these memories flash up in Richard's mind again, tears form in his eyes. He sniffles. “It was my fault. I left you alone and brought you into danger...” His voice fails him. He regrets what has happened so much that he feels a sharp pain in his heart. He swallows hard and continues. “But now I'll bring you home if you would just let me. I promise! I love you, and I won't allow that you lose your mind and your life because of this... scum.” He looks at Terina at his last word, but she is just smiling.

Lee looks at Richard and it seems that Richard's speech has stirred something in him. A memory, maybe? He looks into Richard's eyes, tilting his head as if trying to recognise his face, find the correct place for his memories.

Suddenly, Richard hears someone click their fingers. Terina has used this opportunity to trigger Lee again, bring him back into a trance state just by using her fingers. And all of a sudden, Lee glances at Richard with cold and emotionless eyes.

Richard gets furious and knocks Terina out by hitting her over the head with the barrel of his gun. That way, she wouldn't be able to keep bringing Lee back into his hypnotic state of mind. 

Lee uses that moment to attack Richard again. He's angry and wild now again because he saw Richard hitting his friend. He completely ignores the gun in Richard's hands.

With all his strength, Lee rams Richard again, knocking him over. He sits down on Richard's chest, punching his face over and over again. Richard has no chance of defending himself, he just feels the pain when Lee's fists come showering down on him,n nearly breaking his nose and knocking out hs teeth.

And suddenly, everything around Richard goes dark.

~*~

Lee smashes his fists into Richard's face until he lies there without moving. Lee's hands tremble and hurt and are covered in blood. He stands up, looking down on Richard and the gun which lies a foot next to him. He now has the opportunity to end this, to kill the man who tried to stop him and his friends.

But something in Lee tells him this would be the wrong thing to do. He can't explain this feeling. Why should he stop now when he has the perfect chance to shoot him?

Lee shakes his head. His head hurts, and he feels so confused.

Suddenly, he hears someone entering the house and running upstairs. He exhales in relief when he sees El-Sayed coming to a halt in front of him. “Amir,” he begins, but El-Sayed interrupts him.

“Are they dead?” he asks, looking at the two bodies on the ground.

Lee shakes his head. “They are both still alive”.

El-Sayed _harrumph_ s in disappointment. “Well then, let's get out of here quickly and prepare the bomb before someone calls the police. Your bloody shots must have been heard by someone, I'm sure.”

“Wait, we have to get Terina out of here first,” Lee protests.

El-Sayed scoffs. “No. Leave her. She has served her purpose. We have to go now.” He makes his way to the stairs.

Lee looks at El-Sayed with wide eyes. “But... but she is my friend. Our friend. Your family, of sorts. We have to save her!”

El-Sayed turns around and stomps over to Lee with huge steps. He grabs his hair, pulling his head down and yelling into his ear. “I _said_ she's staying _here_! I don't care about friends or family or whatever. I care about _my_ safety. Got it? And now do as I fucking _said_!”

El-Sayed pushes Lee out of the room and slams the door shut behind him. He pulls the little table that had been standing next to the door in front of it and places it underneath the handle so neither Richard nor Terina would be able to open the door from the inside.

Lee stumbles downstairs and out of the house. 

He strongly hopes El-Sayed knows what he is doing.

~*~

Richard moves on the hard ground. His face is hurting and his ears are ringing. The pain in his head is excruciating. Slowly he opens his eyes and tries to focus on his environment with blood crusted eyes.

Terina still is lying in one corner of the room, still unconscious, but Lee is away. Richard stands up, he feels dizzy and has to stabilise himself on the windowsill to not fall down again. He goes to the door, Lee can’t be far away.

Richard tries to open the door but the handle doesn’t move. He throws himself against the door with full force, but it doesn’t work. He is locked in.

Richard goes back to the window and looks outside. There he is! Lee! He is standing there on the street and next to him… El-Sayed! That fucking bastard.

Richard feels his blood boil. Quickly, he opens the window. Underneath him lies the garden, he’ll have to jump about five meters down to get out of this room. He doesn’t believe that he’ll manage that without getting injured, but he has no other choice.

He looks back at El-Sayed who has raised his hand to wave at him, grinning. That makes Richard stop in his movements for a moment. _'What is he planning now?’_

Then he sees it. 

El-Sayed has a detonator in his right hand and his thumb is hovering just above the button that will start a bomb that is undoubtedly with him in this house.

„LEE! Stop him!“ Richard screams, one last, desperate attempt. Even if he jumped out now, he would still be way too close when the bomb explodes. Lee and El-Sayed stand far away, probably at a perfectly calculated distance, ready to jump behind a large trash container when the bomb goes off.

Richard's only hope is Lee now.

Lee is looking at him, blinking in confusion. He looks at El-Sayed, and back at Richard.

Richard can see the doubt in Lee’s face and that he doesn’t know what to do.

„Lee! Please, stop him!”

Richard sees El-Sayed grinning broadly at him and then he pushes the button.

_ ~*~ _

Lee ducks when the house in front of him suddenly explodes. He covers his head and tries to crawl away from that huge flash and the stones that are flying through the air.

One piece hits him on the arm, though, and Lee sinks down onto the grass with a scream. In his head, everything moves and he has to throw up.

Suddenly, a flood of memories washes through his mind.

_ Richard. _

_ RICHARD! _

Richard has been catapulted out of the window due to the heavy blast of the explosion, and he has landed a few feet away. The house is burning, a bright red against the blue night sky.

Lee’s legs turn to jelly. He remembers everything! He looks back at the burning house in shock, his fingers grasping the grass beneath him.

_ 'What have I done?’ _

Lee breathes heavily, he can’t move out of pure shock. Then he looks to his side and sees El-Sayed crawling next to him.

Lee’s shock turns to pure hate immediately. No other emotion comes through and slowly he stands up and goes to this fucking piece of scum - to the man he hated more than everything, the man who had hurt him so brutally and who now destroyed his life.

“I'll kill you.” Lee's voice is a dangerous whisper, his fingers digging painfully into the palm of his hand. “I'll fucking _kill_ you.” He steps closer to El-Sayed, someone he used to consider a friend, but with every step he takes, memories of his time in Afghanistan return, and he realises just how much of a bastard El-Sayed really is.

“No. Lee, Jaime, no!” El-Sayed's eyes widen with panic and fear, his hands fly up to his face to cover it from any possible harm. For the first time in his life, El-Sayed truly feels scared. Small. Afraid. Helpless. “Please don't?” His voice is a mere whisper, his plea more of a question.

Lee slaps El-Sayed's hands away, grabbing his jaw tightly and hard.

“You're hurting me, Jaime,” El-Sayed wheezes, still trying to get Lee to cooperate. “Don't do this, we're friends, remember? I-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Lee hisses, dangerously calm. A few metres away he can see the outline of Richard's body on the street. El-Sayed has made him do this to Richard. He almost succeeded in making Lee blow up several other people during the attack on the palace. This is something he cannot forgive. Ever. He pushes that vile man on the ground, kneeling on his chest.

El-Sayed is still begging and pleading as Lee's other hand wraps around his throat, and he does not loosen his grip until the begging stops. Forever.

Lee feels weirdly calm and at peace when he lets go of El-Sayed's lifeless body. That man wanted revenge, but in the end, Lee got it, not him. Ah, the bitter irony of fate.

Only when Lee lets himself fall to one side, suddenly exhausted, does he realise that Richard still hasn't moved an inch. He is not moving at all, in fact, not even his chest is moving to indicate breathing.

In a flash, Lee is bending over Richard, trying to wake him, checking the pulse and his breathing – but without success. The explosion must have not only knocked him out, but killed him, too!

Lee slams his hands down on Richard's rib cage, pounding harder and harder with every beat. “Breathe,” he screams, tears streaming down his face. “Breathe, Richard, fucking _breathe_!”

He sobs heavily, cradling Richard's pale face in his cold hands, lowering his lips over Richard's mouth, pinching his nose shut, and breathes into Richard's lungs deeply, once, twice, thrice.

The rain keeps pouring down on them mercilessly as Lee kneels in the dirt, trying to bring Richard back to life. Rain drops are mingling with his own salty tears, soaking his clothes and skin.

Lee keeps compressing Richard's chest, but no spark of life appears, no matter how loud he yells and pleads and cries.

Distantly, the clock tower chimes four times, and Lee's arm muscles weaken. He slumps down over Richard's lifeless body, sobbing uncontrollably. No breath ghosts over the beautiful lips, the lips he has kissed so often, now blue and split and cold. The blue eyes that used to stare into his soul are now hidden behind closed eye lids. Lee touches his lip to Richard's one last time.

It's a farewell.

Their last good-bye.

Lee has lost him.

Forever.

With a guttural bark, Lee sinks down into a lying position next to his lover, his chest so tight and painful, so close to bursting with grief.

They have come so far, but now, all is lost.

 


	10. Fading Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things need to be wrapped up, loose ends are tied. The storm is finally over, but it has left destruction and sadness in its merciless path.

**Fading Fall**

The rain pours down on Lee and mixes with his tears. He looks down on Richard who still lies there – motionless.

_'No. That can’t be.'_

Lee shakes his head, he won’t accept this so easily. They have come this far, it won’t end now! Not if he can help it! _'Once more unto the breach.'_ He isn't ready, isn't _willing_ to accept Richard's death so easily. There must be something he can do!

Lee gathers all his strength to pound on Richard's chest again. _' Come on.'_

Once.

Twice.

Thrice!

With a sudden gasp, Richard opens his eyes wide. Desperately, he tries to suck some air into his lungs and clings to Lee in his panic, coughing and gasping.

“It’s okay, Richard! Everything is fine. Just breathe,” Lee mutters repeatedly and helps him sit a little more upright. Richard makes a face, something hurts him, and Lee lowers him gently again, extending an arm and wrapping it around his shoulders so that Richard's upper body is a bit higher to help him breathe but not so high that it might hurt him. He holds Richard in his arms, giving him a feeling of safety, while he also checks his body for any injuries. He can see burns on arms and legs, his shirt ripped open, a head wound, and maybe something internal that would explain the pain. But Richard is alive, and this is what matters most.

‘ _Yes, everything will be alright,’_ Lee thinks while his tears change from painful ones to tears of joy, covering his face. _'We’re together now and nothing can separate us again. Ever’_

Lee presses his lips to Richard's forehead. He is slowly getting his regular breathing back. Just then, Lee hears the sound of many sirens in the distance, and they're coming right into their direction. “Do you hear this?” Lee asks - partly to distract himself from the trembling and from the fear still soaking through his bones, and partly to make Richard stay awake and not drift off again. “Help is coming. We'll soon get you into a hospital!”

Lee looks down into Richard's eyes. He is looking tired, exhausted, and doesn't say a word.

“You really look like you could need a plaster, some chamomile tea and lots of rest,” Lee says to make light of it, make Richard smile, but Richard just blinks back at him. No reaction.

Finally, the police, the fire brigade and the ambulance arrive. While the fire fighters immediately busy themselves with the burning house, a couple running in to see if there are still people in there, two paramedics jump out of the van and kneel down next to Richard. One of them pulls Lee away roughly and hands him a blanket, while the other is checking Richard's pulse, breathing and pupils. “He's stable so far,” he yells, “quickly now, get him into hospital.”

Lee, huddled in the blanket, stands and watches as the two men put Richard onto a stretcher and wrap him in a blanket, injecting something into his veins, rolling him into the ambulance. It all goes down so quickly. Just before they close the doors, Lee catches a weak look from Richard. Lee smiles at him and nods, trying to convey that everything will be alright. Then the doors are slammed shut, and the ambulance van drives off.

Lee feels lost and suddenly he realises what really has happened. A wave of memories crashes over him, floods his mind. He feels dizzy.

Because of him, a dangerous terror organisation had nearly risen again. Just because of him, hundreds of innocent people nearly died. And just because of him, the love of his life, the man who wanted to save him despite everything, almost died as well.

Lee needs to sit down. He is shaking although the blanket provides a comfortable warmth. The still burning house adds to it.

From the corner of his eyes he sees two firemen carrying a lifeless body, covered by a sheet. _'Terina.'_ He recognises her form. She must have burnt to death in there, suffocated.

Tears well up in his eyes, caused by the dust and smoke, and because Lee is so terribly overwhelmed by everything. Terina is dead now, too, someone he thought to be a friend. But he now realises just what she did to him, playing with his mind, continuing to hypnotise him to keep the suggestions alive. She told him to hate Richard, told him that it was right to kill. Lee is glad the powers of the hypnosis wear off.

A man – Graham, Lee recognises – sits down next to him. Lee knows him from Richard's descriptions. Bit by bit, Lee remembers everything. The happy time he spent in Canada with Richard, their journey to London, the kidnapping...

Lee covers his face with his hands – it's just too much right now. He will probably never be the same person again. Will Richard still love him?

He feels a gentle hand on his shoulder, almost flinching at the touch because Faruk used to do just this as well, and whenever Terina touched his shoulder, he would be triggered by it... But this hand, he senses, is a friendly hand.

“You are Lee, aren't you?” Graham asks softly. He has a calming, soothing voice, and Lee nods. “Richard has given me quite a good description of you. Always going on about you.” He chuckles. “I'm Agent Graham with the MI6.”

“I know who you are,” Lee says quietly. “Thank you for coming. I think you saved Richard's life just now.”

“Hm, I think that was your doing, Lee. The doctor said, one minute longer, and Richard might have suffered from severe brain damage due to oxygen loss. You did exactly the right thing at exactly the right time.”

Lee feels sick. His stomach twists and turns, and he tastes acid in his mouth. So he answers, to distract himself from the nausea and the thought of what could have happened... “What's gonna happen now?”

Graham sighs, rubbing his hands over his thighs. “Well, I hate to say it, but it seems that you are... _have_... collaborated with El-Sayed, have been a member of Black Fall... I'm afraid I am going to have to arrest you, son.”

The familiarity with which Graham addresses him makes Lee's heart ache. This man, who seems to be such a wonderful person according to Richard, is so nice and gentle to him, despite having to arrest him. Somehow it seems that Graham doesn't really want this, doesn't want to arrest Lee, doesn't want to destroy his life. Yet Lee understands that he has to. He nods. “I guess I can be thankful you're not sending me directly to the gallows,” he tries to joke.

“Hm.” Graham snorts. “Some damage has been caused by you and your... former friends. No deaths of innocent people, though, thank the heavens.”

Lee glares at Graham at hearing the word “friends” and opens his mouth to protest, but Graham interrupts him. “Lee, I know how you were influenced by hypnosis. We found out who Terina Hasnawi really is and what she is capable of.”

Lee exhales. He was afraid no-one would believe him when he told the story about the hypnosis and how easy it was for them to enter his mind. He feels ashamed of how weak his spirit was, having let al of this happen. “Am I really that easy to influence?”

“That is a difficult question,” Graham replies. “See, Terina Hasnawi is a renowned hypnotherapist. Has been for years, even before she got married to Ahmed El-Sayed – whom you know very well. That's how she got the connection to Black Fall. And I'm guessing she wanted to get her revenge on you because you killed him.”

Lee sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Before all this, she was a normal therapist, not raising any suspicion. That's why it was very hard to track her down in the years before Ahmed's death,” Graham continues. “And now she got back to you by the means of hypnosis. When we were on the plane that brought us here, I received a call from one of my agents. He had done some research, both on this woman and hypnosis itself. As far as he understood the whole business – and I'm no expert myself -, people can be easily influenced by strong, repeated suggestions when their mind is open for such things.”

“So I _am_ weak.”

“No,” Graham protests. “She used your situation. You have been tortured mentally, you had not enough to drink which makes the brain go all funny, too. She planted certain triggers around you – touches on the shoulder, I believe, and snapping her fingers. That's what Richard told me. She kept hypnotising you over and over again – and you agreed to it because you thought it would do you good, while she kept bringing up powerful suggestions that twisted your state of mind to her liking.”

“But how did she do that?” Lee rubs a hand over his forehead. “How could I trust her so easily?”

“That could have been caused by all sorts of psychological techniques,” Graham explains. “Mirroring... Gale said this was something like assuming the same position you were sitting in. Asking you for small favours because this is a psychological trick – hand someone the salt because they asked you for it, and you are much more inclined to help them out with a bigger favour, too.”

Lee feels dizzy. “This is all so much to take in...”

Graham observes Lee and his facial expressions closely. “It wasn't your fault, lad. Frankly, it's a miracle you haven't gone crazy by now, considering all you've been through.” He clears his throat. “And not just these past few days. Richard... he told me a bit about Afghanistan as well.”

“Hm,” Lee mumbles. He still isn't convinced, still isn't sure about his own state of mind. He feels weak, unstable, afraid, and so, so confused. _'I miss you, Richard. You'd know what to say to calm me down...'_

Silence settles between them for a while, Graham obviously expecting Lee to speak up. So he does. “So... I'll go to prison, then?” Lee sighs. “Or will I get sent back to the States, maybe get the death penalty?”

Graham shakes his head. “No. Law allows us to keep you here – you committed the crime on British ground. But yes, you'll go to prison. For now. Someone has to be called to account for all this damage. And... you are the only one we've got.” Graham shrugs with one shoulder. “Terina is dead, El-Sayed is dead, Faruk has... disappeared somewhere. We've got you, your our only lead, and the government and the public will expect some culprit.”

“I understand...” Lee plays with his fingernails. He can understand Graham and his need to arrest _someone_. He imagines the MI5 will be on his tail already as well, and Graham must be terribly pressured to show some progress. “Arrest me, then. Get this over with.”

But Graham doesn't budge. “ _Unless_ , of course, there would be someone else we could bring before the courts.”

Lee frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Well... it would cast an unfavourable light on the whole secret service, including your CIA, if we had to admit someone from our own ranks – you – was behind all this. That this someone could sneak into a terror cell unnoticed, be made to execute terror attacks... I'm sure this wouldn't be something secret services want.”

Lee looks at him questioningly. He still doesn't quite understand what Graham is getting at.

“See, as I said, Faruk managed to escape. Probably hiding somewhere. You wouldn't know his hiding spot by any chance, would you?”

Lee grins. Now he understands. “Actually, I have the directions how to get there.”

Graham grins back, patting his shoulder. “Good boy.” He really does like Richard's boyfriend. Nice enough lad, and he feels sorry for all of this. Now he'll have a chance at redemption.

~*~

After Lee has give Graham all the necessary information on how to get Faruk, Graham calls Agent Gale, ordering to set out with a team to capture the terror cell's leader. After a short talk, Graham then turns to Lee, nodding his head at the car. “I'll have to take you in for interrogation.” Lee nods and follows without complaining.

Back at the MI6 building, Graham leads Lee into one of the several interrogation rooms. Lee has been walking with a lowered head, staring at his feet. Upon realising that this is where Richard worked, something in his chest clenches – he's been arrested by the organisation his lover (or, ex-lover?) works for, and the irony of that is almost too much to handle.

Graham holds the door for him and nods into the direction of a chair, indicating he should sit down. “This might be a long one, Lee.”

Lee sighs, sitting down. He doesn't care about long or not, he just wants this over. He's afraid of what might come next – prison, maybe. Or worse.

Graham sits opposite of him with folded hands, clearing his throat. “You need to tell me every bit of information you got about this terror cell, right? Names, locations, headquarters, plans, moles, that sort of thing. All of it. We need you to cooperate.”

Lee nods. And then he begins to tell.

~*~

The time passes quickly, and two hours later, Lee has told Graham every little thing he knows. The MI6 agent seems happy with that, closing the folder he had been writing in. “We're done here, then. Thanks.”

Lee pushes his chair back and gets up, waiting for a guard to take him into a prison cell, or maybe be allowed to see Richard. Anything, just to get out of this horrible room.

“Son,” Graham says, still in the chair. “One more thing.”

Lee turns, wearing a frown, anxious of what he is going to say.

“Don't beat yourself up about this. I know how much you mean to Richard, and I know that Richard is a fairly good judge when it comes to people,” Graham says. “If he says you're trustworthy, then you are. And this thing, the whole hypnosis thing and being tortured into joining this terror cell... I mean it was wrong, you have to be aware of that.”

“I am,” Lee interrupts. “I really am, and I'm sorry, and I am willing to pay my dues for what I did.”

Graham smiles gently. “That's just the thing: you haven't really done anything, have you? You haven't planted the TNT, you didn't kill anyone. They made you _think_ you did it, and I'm fairly sure they wanted you to do it for real. But you fought this. You have, technically, committed no crime.”

Lee sighs. “But I didn't stop them either.”

“And this is where we come in,” Graham replies, clearing his throat. “You're right, you didn't stop them, and you didn't notify the police or a secret service or anything about their plans. And you also killed El-Sayed, though we could opt for a self-defence there. Thing is, you were under hypnotic influence – at least, until the killing. _And_ you cooperated with us, gave us the info about Faruk's hiding spot and all the other things as well. And you told the truth there. You agree?”

Lee nods, defeated.

“Mmh, don't worry, Lee. Neither about the attack, nor about murdering El-Sayed. You've been through hell, twice, thanks to this bastard. It will definitely be self-defence and unsoundness of mind – should the need for a court date arise.”

“What do you mean?” Lee looks up at Graham with confusion in his eyes.

“I mean,” Graham begins, “that we can work out a deal here. In the end, you did us all a favour by killing El-Sayed. And as I said, the things you did, they were forced unto you by means of psychological torture.” Graham motions for Lee to sit down at the table again, then pulls a piece of paper and a pen out of his suitcase. He skims the paper, then hands it to Lee.

“What is this?” Lee asks, hands trembling.

“A contract, if you will,” Graham answers. “This isn't final, we've got to get Richard's consent for this as well. But it says here that if you are willing to start a psychological therapy, and agree to be under surveillance, we will press no charges and you can go home with Richard who will additionally be keeping an eye on you until you get clearance.”

At the mention of Richard's name, Lee's heart speeds up. “Can... can you do this so easily? Hand me over to a shrink, put a curfew out, watch me, and then I'm good to go?”

Graham smirks. “Don't underestimate the power I hold, Lee. As I said, you did the nation a favour. That must be honoured in some way. Unless Richard says 'no', though, then you have to agree to be admitted to a mental hospital for treatment.”

“... no prison charges whatsoever?” Lee asks in bewilderment.

“None. Not if I can help it, anyway,” Graham says, leaning back in his chair. “This is up to you now. Sign this contract, you're well off. Either with Richard, or in psychological care for a couple of months, maybe a year or so. Don't sign this, you might end up in prison.”

Lee doesn't have to ponder this for a long time. He grabs the pen and signs the contract quickly, his heart singing with joy at the prospect that he might just go home with Richard again. That everything... might be right again.

~*~

Graham drives with Lee to the hospital Richard is in at the moment. He shows his badge at the front desk and receives directions how to get to Richard's room. The whole time, Lee and he speak no word. Only when they have reached the room, Graham asks Lee to stay outside, wait until he has talked this contract over with Richard. There is a guard outside Richard's room, security standard for MI6 agents, and he orders him to watch Lee should he wish to flee.

Graham enters the room. Richard is lying in bed, eyes gazing at the ceiling. A doctor stands next to him, taking his pulse, looking up briefly as Graham stands next to the bed.

“You're one of his fellow agents, I presume?” the doctor addresses Graham, extending a hand to shake.

“I am, Agent Graham with the MI6,” he introduces himself. “So, what's the matter with Agent Armitage here?”

The doctor sighs. “Hard to say. Physically, he seems alright so far. We've done x-rays, CT scans, there's no internal bleeding. A slightly broken rib from where he fell out of the window or from the CPR, we can't say, but that'll be over in a flash. It'll just hurt terribly, but there are pain killers for that.”

“That's good news.”

“Yeah, but sadly, that's not all. There are some second-degree-burns in the area of his arms and legs. That'll take some time to heal as well, and it will need a lot of medical attention and care.” The doctor checks his notepad. “It's almost like a miracle that Agent Armitage only suffered 2a-degree-burns, which usually heals in the course of 14 days. Could've been off way worse.”

_'Why, isn't this doctor a ray of sunshine?'_ Graham thinks sarcastically. “Anything else?”

“Yep.” The doctor flips a page. “He's deaf.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, the explosion has damaged his ear drums. It's only a temporarily condition, though, so no worries! He'll be as right as rain whenever his cells regenerate. Might take a couple days, but no more than a few weeks.” The doctor grins.

“How can being deaf just go away?” Graham asks, sceptical.

“Ah, that's easy,” the doctor explains. “It's simply been an ear blast injury caused by the explosion. That lead to overloading of the hair cells and some mechanical damage in the inner ear, but that'll pass. He'll be able to hear again. For now, communication is a little difficult. I suggest you write down things.”

“Right...”

The doctor says goodbye and leaves the room. Graham makes a mental note to file a complaint against him. So young, way too cheerful, and he all makes it seem like some sort of trifle thing. Unbelievable. Shaking his head, he approaches Richard.

He knows he can lip read, any good agent should, so he speaks slowly and only short sentences.

“Hello, Richard.”

Richard rises a tired hand wrapped in a bandage. His lips are chapped, and he looks terribly exhausted.

“How are you feeling?”

Richard makes a face.

“Not so well, I take it?”

Richard waves his hand around and shrugs.

“Well, the doctor said you have a good prognosis.”

Richard raises an eyebrow, conveying the meaning of _'are you fucking serious, mate, I read_ his _lips too._ Graham sniggers. “If you're lucky, this'll be over in a month or so.”

Thumbs up.

“And outside, there's a visitor waiting for you.” When Richard frowns, Graham goes on. “It's Lee.”

For a moment there, Richard's eyes light up and there's a little smile tugging at his lips and he raises his head – but then he remembers and that spark goes out and he looks as serious as ever.

Graham has noticed this. “Lee's changed. The hypnosis thing, it's worn off completely now. He is dying to see you.”

Richard looks away.

Graham takes his face into his hands and turns it carefully so Richard can read his lips again. “You have to look at me, buddy, or you won't be able to... see... what I say. Lee loves you, and he's sorry. Honestly.”

Richard rolls his eyes.

“Look.” Graham pulls out the contract he has set up with Lee, putting it on Richard's duvet. “I set up this deal with him. I'd be okay with you two living your lives as you used to. Together. With surveillance. And you keeping an eye on him. We'd not press charges. But it's up to you. If you decide on no, you don't want this, Lee either goes into a mental hospital or we'll set up a court date if need be.”

Richard blinks at him.

“Think it over,” Graham advises. “Read, think, and I'll send Lee in in fifteen minutes. Right?”

Richard shakes his head.

“What, you don't want this?”

He shakes his head again. Then he points at the door and makes a gesture showing he wants Lee in here.

Graham hesitates. “You sure? You decided real fast.”

Richard looks at the duvet, licking his lips. And even though he cannot hear himself, he says, “Well, I love him.”

~*~

Lee is still waiting in front of Richard's room. His legs are shaking nervously, he really can't wait to see Richard. There are so much things he wants to tell him. When the door opens and Graham steps out and motions him in, his heart beats hard in his ribcage and he slowly makes his way towards the room.

“You can go to him now. Ten minutes, max. We've got to get back to the MI6, deal with some organisational stuff, depending on what Richard decides.”

“Thanks. How is he?”

Graham sighs. “Slightly broken rib, second-degree burns that should heal in 14 days... and he's temporarily deaf, but that will cease as well. Just – so you know that he won't be able to hear you.”

Lee stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights. “Deaf?”

“Yeah, but only for a little time, now go in,” Graham says, gently pushing him towards the door. “He can lip read, and if things get difficult, write it down. Alright? You can do it.”

Lee nods, bracing himself, then enters. He blames himself for the condition Richard is in now – if he hadn't accompanied him to London... if only he hadn't agreed to the hypnosis... if he hadn't joined the cell... if he would have just _listened_ to Richard in the first place, he wouldn't be lying here right now.

He steps in and sees Richard in the bed, his head angled towards Lee and there is a small, tiny smile on his face, and Lee can't help the tears that suddenly start falling and he says “Richard” with a breaking voice and rushes to him, pressing a kiss to his lips, and Richard kisses him back, and Lee finally dares to hope that things might be okay.

But soon enough, Richard parts, turning his head away from Lee. This hurts, of course it does, but Lee completely understands this. He draws back a bit, but just looks at Richard a little longer, realising that he still is alive, that he is … well, considering the circumstances. That he will be alright. That there might be a chance of forgiveness.

“Richard,” Lee begins, “I'm sorry.”

Richard stares at him, no reaction giving away his thoughts.

“I... don't have much time now. Graham said we need to deal with formalities... but there is so much I want to tell you.”

Richard nods. He points at himself, draws a question mark in the air, then points at Lee. _And I've got questions I need to ask you._

Lee understands. “So I do hope I'll have the chance of explaining and apologising properly one day, for all this, but now I really need to hurry up. I just... I need to know what you think about the contract.” He looks up at Richard with big, hopeful eyes and he can see Richard's features grow soft for a little second. Then Richard hands him the contract where he has added a little handwritten addition.

_We'll try this out_ , it says, _for three months. If things don't work out by then, if there are problems turning up, difficulties we cannot solve, Mr Pace will agree to have himself assigned to medical care, or will be handed over to the judicial system._

While this isn't exactly what Lee has hoped for – no welcome with kisses and hugs and 'thank God we have each other again's -, it's _something_. Richard isn't averse to trying this out with him, he might give him a second chance, and Lee will have many opportunities to make up for all of this.

There is a forceful knock at the door and Lee says, “It's time I leave.”

Richard nods, waving at him.

Lee bends over, contemplating, then presses a kiss to Richard's brow. Richard doesn't turn away, he even allows his eyes to close and his not bandaged hand to squeeze Lee's. “Good-bye,” Lee whispers and walks out of the room.

There is a slight spring in his step, and hope in every movement.

~*~

They return to Canada on the 13th of November. The atmosphere between them is as cold as the crisp air in their home town, and both of them hurt yet neither shows it. Too afraid, too angry, too sad. Lee does his best to take care of Richard and tend to his injuries, and Richard tries to show his appreciation.

It's hard to deal with this situation for both of them, though. There are some days during which Lee hopes he'd never agreed to this deal. Yet they fight on. There is still a glimmer of hope in both their hearts.

True love, they say, never dies after all.

 

* * *

 

_November 18 th, 00:17am_

_Dear Richard,_

_This is the end of our first week together. Things are still cool and distant between us, and I hate this. I hate watching you suffer, knowing that I am the one who caused all this. It breaks my heart over and over again to see you like this – and to feel how much you seem to hate me._

_I hate to see you having these nightmares and not being able to do anything about it. When I had mine, you were always there. Now I cannot help you. I am forced to listen to your crying, and screaming. It hurts._

_I have tried waking you. But you pushed me away, yelling at me that I was an enemy. In your dream-hazed mind you still thought I was evil. But you probably still think so anyway, even when it's day. You've seen me at my wort, you've seen me working for them. It's not surprising you'd think I still am one of them. I'm not, though. I hope one day you'll know this for sure._

_I had cooked your favorite meal today. I wanted to make you happy, surprise you with it. I put a candle on the table, decorated it, wanted us to have a nice dinner together, show you that I still love you – and you took the plate and went to eat in the bedroom. On your own._

_You have no idea how much that hurt._

_Lee_

* * *

 

_November 19 th, 8:43pm_

_Dear Richard,_

 

_Mum called tonight. She told me you were there. Looking at my baby photos. She said you were paying my parents a nice visit, but I know why you were really there. Thank you._

_She asked if we would come over for Thanksgiving because you had not given her a proper answer. I had to decline. I'm not allowed to leave the house until this contract has run out, and I doubt you would want to go with me anyway._

_Hell, I don't even know if you want to_ be _with me anymore._

 

_Sometimes it feels like you wish I was gone._

 

_And frankly, I can't blame you._

 

_But I still love you. I always will. You've etched yourself into my heart and soul. And you'll always have a special place there. I love you._

 

_And I hope one day you can love me again as well._

 

_Please._

 

_Lee_

 

* * *

 N _ovember 22 nd, 9:50pm_

_Dear Richard,_

 

_I just got off the phone with Graham. You know I have to call him once a week, tell him how things are going. He told me to remind you that you need to text him as soon as possible about your condition and how you think we get along and all that._

_I know you read this diary, I want you to, so consider this your reminder. (You know I'll write you countless of notes, though. Like I always did. I miss you being all scatter-brained. You are so secluded and distant, still. It hurts.)_

 

_Lee_

 

* * *

  _November 24 th, 11:23pm_

_Happy Thanksgiving._

 

_You wouldn't even accept my hug._

 

_I can't go on much longer like this, Richard. I've apologized to you a hundred times, I know you read my lips, I know you read all the letters I wrote to you which I have tossed away unfinished. I tried to explain, I tried to apologize. I'm sorry, I really am. But you won't let me make it up to you._

 

_Why?_

 

_Lee_

 

* * *

_November 27 th, 8:30am_

_Dear Richard,_

 

_I miss showering with you. It hurt again when you walked in on me showering and then didn't join me like you used to._

 

_But at least you smiled at me._

 

_I hope that wasn't just a hallucination._

 

_I love you._

_Lee_

 

* * *

_November 30 th, 4:46pm_

_Dear Richard,_

 

_I haven't written in this diary for a while now. I'm glad to see you recovering so quickly. Your burns are almost gone and your rib is much better, too. Only your hearing seems to be still impaired._

 

_You know, I loved our... conversation... yesterday evening. When we communicated via text. So much easier than lip reading. And I finally got to say everything I wanted to and I was sure you'd understand all of it because you were able to read it. I think we needed this._

 

_I don't know where we are now, but I have apologized again, and I just hope that you'll forgive me._

 

_Lee_

 

* * *

**December 2 nd, 6:05am**

**Dear Lee,**

**Stop apologising. Please. You're only harming yourself with all of this. I know I haven't been exactly... warm to you, I've been rather distant, and I am sorry for that. I was so quiet because I was thinking. About all of this. I need some time to stomach this myself. But I know it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I've accepted your apology the first time you said it, and I still appreciate it. Just stay patient with me for a bit longer. I think we both have been through enough crap. We both need some time for ourselves. I don't know where this will lead us, if we'll stay together or not. But I guess we'll find out eventually. And until then, stop blaming yourself. Please.**

**x Richard**

 

This evening, after he has made sure that Lee has read his entry, Richard allows Lee to help him shower and wash his hair. Until now he had not been allowed to shower due to his bandage around his ribcage, and he knows he wouldn't have managed on his own because the pain is still unbearable sometimes and some movements are not possible.

They shower, of course, in silence. Richard has seen Lee's eyes light up when he had asked him via gestures to help him, but that light had gone out soon after. Lee was clearly still doubting himself, probably not allowing himself to hope that things might be right again. Frankly, Richard doesn't know himself, not for certain. He knows what he _wants_ , but he doesn't know if that would be the right decision. As he leans back into Lee's touch while he carefully cleans his back, Richard only knows that it feels good. And isn't that everything that counts?

~*~

Afterwards, Lee towels off Richard's hair, drying it as much as he can, then puts the towel aside and cups Richard's face. He feels tears stinging in his eyes as he presses his lips to Richard's brow, mouthing another “ _I'm sorry_ ” to his still wet skin. He is afraid Richard will not forgive him, might never do so, despite his wonderful entry in the diary, and he lets his hands fall to his side, turning to make his way outside and leave Richard alone.

Just as Lee's hand touches the door handle, tentative fingers sneak around his wrist in a loose grip, allowing him to drag his hand away but still pleading him to stay. The warmth of the touch radiates through his arm and then his whole body and Lee turns to face Richard who looks at him with an unreadable expression. His grip tightens a little and he tugs Lee towards him softly, and relief rushes through Lee as he picks Richard up gently and carries him to the bed. He knows full well that Richard would make it on his own, if slowly, but Richard had silently requested his help, wanted Lee to stay, and Lee knows he would've kicked himself mentally if he had let that opportunity slide.

Lee's breath hitches in his throat as Richard's nose comes up to nuzzle at his cheek – something Richard used to do rather frequently before... well, before. The familiarity of it hurts, badly, and Lee's throat bobs as he swallows hard, Richard's scent engulfing him like it always used to do.

He gently places Richard on the bed, wishing him a good night, and Richard seems to understand as he nods once, but he seems to think better of it and pats the bed right beside him. Lee sits down, confused, a storm of emotions whirling inside him. They sit next to each other in silence, a hand width between them, and Lee sees how Richard's hand sneaks closer until it touches Lee's arm.

Lee angles his head around to look at Richard and he sees the same turmoil of conflicting emotions in his eyes that Lee feels inside himself. They both are scared and nervous, unsure of what to do – or if they should do anything at all, so it's not surprising that a gasp escapes Lee's lips when Richard's fingers slide between his own and he brings their joined hands up to look at them.

Lee practically feels Richard's gaze on the skin of his hand, his fingers, and then Richard's other hand trails over Lee's fingers softly, turns the hand around and runs over the palm, teasing and a little tickling but only in a curious way as if Richard was discovering Lee anew.

Richard traces the lines in Lee's hand carefully, his mouth moving but not saying anything and Lee wonders what he might be thinking about. He focusses on the elegant movements of Richard's fingers, listens to his calm breathing, watching as Richard lets his fingers trail up Lee's wrist and his lower arm. Goosebumps form on his skin, his hear beat wild against his ribcage and Lee desperately wants to reach out and pull Richard in and kiss him and apologise and kiss him again, but he forces himself to hold still because evidently, this is what Richard needs right now, and Lee has already fucked up too much to risk this fragile moment now.

Richard's fingers move lower again, coming to rest on Lee's waist, and he is taking his pulse, his rapid, quickly coming pulse, and Lee wonders if that is a smile that is tugging at Richard's lips but refuses to spread over his face. Lee curls his fingers around Richard's that are still entangled with his, and he feels Richard squeeze back a little, and somehow he has the feeling that things … might be okay one day. But then he remembers what he's done, the lies and the pretence, and reality comes crushing back down on him like cold rain on a quiet lake, breaking the surface and perforating it, and Lee tenses up.

Richard seems to sense that as his fingers still, and he looks at Lee with worry etched into every pore of his skin. He keeps his fingers wrapped around Lee's but lifts the other hand from Lee's pulse point. It comes up to frame Lee's cheek and Lee leans into the touch, eyes squeezed close. Richard drags his thumb over Lee's cheekbone softly, softly, his gaze never leaving Lee's eyes.

He leans in, eyes closing, touching his nose to Lee's and they sit there like this for a few heart beats. Lee leans into Richard's hand, desperate for any physical contact Richard might grant him tonight, his every cell aching for that familiar closeness they used to share.

It all feels so right, so _good_ , and Lee wishes to crawl closer, wrap Richard's arms around him and hear him say how much he loves him and that everything will be okay. But he forces himself to sit still, be satisfied with what Richard is giving him, and not to push for more. This is already a huge step, so different from the days before, and behind his closed eyes, tears are welling up again. He angles his head so his lips touch the inside of Richard's hand, and he kisses him softly, gently, a butterfly kiss, nothing more.

To taste Richard again, feel his soft skin so close, it's overwhelming, and Lee cannot help but sob once, twice. Richard, always attentive, hears it, and he backs away a little so he can look at Lee. A tender thumb wipes away one tear that has sneaked out from under Lee's closed eyelids, and strong arms wrap around Lee's torso and drag him close, hold him tight, and Lee buries his nose in the crook of Richard's neck – it's always been his favourite spot. Heavy sobs shake Lee's body and he's clawing at the skin of Richard's back, holding on as if his life depended on it – and Richard is there, holding him throughout all this, his tower of strength.

When Lee's tears ebb down, Richard's hands are back on his face, cupping it gently, and he looks at Lee's tear-streaked cheeks and his glazed eyes and there is so much worry and pain on his face that it almost breaks Lee's heart again. _'I've caused this again...'_ Little does he know that Richard's heart is breaking as well, seeing his Lee so sad, so hurt.

So Richard leans forward, kissing Lee's tears away, and Lee grabs Richard's wrists, not willing to let go anytime soon, and then Richard's mouth is so close to Lee's lips, and Lee's breathing speeds up and so does his heart, and he turns his head, only a few inches, and then their lips meet, and Richard doesn't pull away, and it's soft and sweet and salty from the tears, but it is a kiss and it feels just so _right_ , and their lips fit together perfectly like they always have, and Lee's heart sings with joy.

The kiss goes on for a little longer, neither of them moves, both entranced by this moment, not wanting it to end.

Lee's mind goes wild with thoughts. He wonders if this means that Richard has forgiven him, truly, completely? If Richard is ready for this, for a new beginning? Ready to start where they left off, be a couple again? Or if he maybe doesn't want this kiss at all? That It was a spur of the moment thing and Richard is already regretting this? After weeks of distance, so much closeness at once can't be right.

_'This is too much, I don't want this destroying the fragile bond we have,'_ Lee thinks - and breaks the kiss. Richard stares at him, confused. _Sad_.

“I'll... go sleep on the couch,” Lee says, pointing at the door, and Richard seems to understand him. Something in his expression breaks, his features take on a hurt look for only a fraction of a second, but then he nods and closes his eyes and dozes off in a matter of seconds. Lee stands for a little while longer, biting his lip and watching Richard sleep, afraid that this man might never be truly his again.

Lee knows he won't be able to sleep this night, he still feels Richard's nose against his cheek, his soft hair underneath his fingers, and he trails his hand over Richard's arm slowly before he leaves the room. As he reaches Richard's wrist, Richard's hand subconsciously turns around and entangles their fingers so naturally, automatically, and it's like it's always been and this time, Lee truly starts crying. He clamps a hand over his mouth as he watches their hands entwined and then flees the room.

Richard keeps sleeping peacefully.

Oh, why must it hurt so bad?

~*~

In the kitchen, Lee sits and gnaws at the end of a biro. He has been trying to write a letter to Richard for ages because tonight has sparked something in him. It's the middle of the night already and he's on his 15th try.

 

_My dear Richard,_

_I am sorry. I know you said I should stop saying this, but since we are already closing down on our second month in our three-month-contract, and Christmas is coming already. It's a time of love and forgiveness, and I wish to, again, tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I never meant to hurt you, and you need to know that I never will let anything like this happen again._

_You are my one and only, Richard, and I love you. I always will, no matter what will come out of this. I need you in my life because without you, I can't heal. You are my soul mate, my best friend, my light in the dark, my love and my life, and you make me complete._

_I hope we can be a “we” again, forever, because we belong together. It's written in the stars, out fates tied together by a silver string, following us down our joined path. I hope against hope that my heart will beat in time with yours again – and I know mine has never stopped beating only for you._

_I love you, Richard Armitage. I love you more than words can say. I love you more than my life. I would rather go to hell with you than living my life in heaven without you. And I want to spend the rest of my days with you._

_So I ask you, Richard, my Richard, will you do me the honor of marrying me?_

_With love, always,_

_Yours, Lee_

~*~

When Lee wakes the next morning, he finds himself in the kitchen and belatedly realises that he didn't make it into bed the previous evening, having sat over his proposal and apology letter until late into the night.

He rubs his hands over his face and yawns heartily, then opens his tired eyes to see Richard sitting opposite of him, hands folded on the table, wearing a curious expression.

Lee blinks, unsure of what to do, so he just swallows and stares at Richard whose face lights up a little as he takes in Lee's sleepy face and his tousled hair and his red-blotched cheeks from sleeping on the table. He slides a piece of paper to Lee and he realises that it is his letter, and he blushes immediately, afraid of what Richard might think.

But Richard just smiles at Lee, and says, “I do.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!  
> There will be an epilogue, but please only do read it if you want to suffer a bit more. If you do not wish to do that or prefer this happy ending, you should probably stop reading here. :P  
> Thanks to everyone who read this and commented and liked, we love you all!


	11. Epilogue (Optional)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And sometimes, a storm can be over as soon as it began. And sometimes, it just rises up to destroy even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT. Only read this epilogue if you wish to continue reading part 3 (whenever that's finally going to be out, we're already writing!). Otherwise, the last chapter can be read as a happy ending. Your choice. :*

**Epilogue**

 

There are tears and there is laughter and sheer relief, and Richard can hear and talk again and they are engaged now, and they have talked about their past and Richard has forgiven Lee for everything, and even though it's still a little strained, still a little awkward, they are so happy they've got each other back and when they kiss, sparks fly. It was worth going through this tough period, worth the arguments, worth fighting for this. The childhood home is ruined, but they have other plans in Canada anyway. The rings are bought, the wedding date set. Jim and Charlotte are absolutely thrilled, and so are Richard's parents. It's like living a dream.

For the first time in his life, Lee truly is happy. And when he looks at his fiancé, he knows that this happiness will never cease.

When he lies in bed at night, tightly wrapped in Richard's arms, he thinks about what has happened. The good, the bad. And he finds that, wherever Richard is, things will always be good. Perfect. And then he allows himself to close his eyes and drift off, knowing that another heart is beating close to him, and in sync with his own.

Except when Lee opens his eyes one morning, looking forward to seeing Richard in the blink of an eye - all of this is gone.

He is not lying down, he is sitting on something hard. Something stinks like blood. His body aches all over. There is a sharp pain in his left foot. He is not wrapped in Richard's arms, his hands not entangled with Richard's fingers. They are tied behind his back, a rope cutting painfully into his flesh.

_'No. No!'_

In panic, Lee's eyes open wide as he takes in his surroundings.

He is not at home.

He is back in Afghanistan.

He never left.

The escape, their kiss, their home in Canada, the whole return of Black Fall, the proposal – none of this has happened.

He is back where he started, alone, isolated.

And as Lee realises that all of this was just a fantasy coming from his tortured brain, a hallucination induced by not enough sleep, not enough water, something to keep him alive, something to suppress what has happened to him, a _lie_ , and when he finally realises that Richard doesn't love him – he breaks down.

His sobs echo through the small cell.

He is alone. Once again. For God knows how long. Maybe he will not survive this at all. There is no point to his life anymore. Richard has been. Richard is not there now. Richard knows nothing of what Lee has dreamed of.

Alone.

Helpless.

Desperate.

His agonised cries for Richard go unnoticed.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


_To be continued..._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :D We hope you liked it, and every form of criticism would be more than welcome.   
> By the way, we came up for a melody for the lullaby, but if you've also got one, we'd looooove to hear it!   
> Til next Saturday!! ♥


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